how soon can he reapply for contact?

[pinkjug1245]

I will try to keep it short -

last week ex took me to court for access and parental rights. I don't agree and I want him out of our lives, dc is only 5 months. Judges said to go away, compromise and go back in a few months. All checks came back fine on him, and cafcass said there are no issues. I don't want my child around his girlfriend though, or her kids. The court wanted us to sort out the birth certificate and try to set up some kind of contact.
I told him I would get the birth certificate sorted, but haven't and I don't plan on doing so. He has only seen her a few times because I am denying contact without me being there, and he doesn't want to be around me for some reason.
I am trying to make him arrange the contact centre in a town 10 miles from me, but he is claiming that only the one in his town has gotten back to him. I don't see why I should travel - his town is 14 miles away.

We were only together a few weeks, split up not long before I found out I was pregnant, so I don't know him really and I don't feel happy giving him contact, when I don't know him.

He is saying that if I keep dragging my heels he will be reapplying to court - can he if a hearing is meant to be taking place in May? I am worried I will be forced to make baby available and get him on the birth certificate.

You are dragging your heels.
And yes he can reapply to court if you are deliberately not doing things you told court you would do.

Really, the time and expense this will cost you are wasted. Get over yourself and move on and try to work together for your daughter's sake.

My mother made it extremely difficult for my father to keep in contact after their divorce when I was a 4. He had to walk away just to keep the peace as he misguidedly felt that he was causing more upset by trying to keep in contact. She also introduced a 'stepdad' very soon afterwards. I did not meet my father again until I was 38 and we were complete strangers.

As an adult and having my own children who adore their father, I can say that I hate her for it and will never forgive her.

I hope your DD doesn't feel the same about you when she finds out that you kept him from her because YOU didn't like him.

FFS put him on the birth certificate or are you hoping to even keep his name from her?

You do realise she is his child just as much as yours don't you?

He can't make another application whilst there is already one before the Court. He could ask the court to list an earlier hearing though and point out to the judge how unreasonable you are being. The father is likely to be granted PR and the court can order that the birth certificate is amended.
Your transport situation is a good argument for using the contact centre closer to you and there is usually an expectation that the parent wanting contact does the travelling, if a centre is being used. That would change to meeting half way if it moved away from the centre, which is what it will do in time.
Judges take a dim view of parents who are "implacably hostile" to contact and can impose sanctions. In the most severe cases Judges have ordered that the child live with the other parent.
You are also running the risk of your Solicitor refusing to accept further instructions from you if you are agreeing to something but then doing the opposite.

Your boyfriend is not her father. I bet you refer to him as Daddy?

Here's the thing- you made a baby with this man. You didn't know him, don't like him, yet you made a baby with him. Now, that baby has a right to know himx whether you like it or not, unless he is abusive or a risk. You don't get to change your mind on this one- it's permanent.
Stop being so selfish. And next time you don't know someone, and don't like them, use contraception.

Maybe you should ignore the courts & go on Jeremy Kyle?

I will be painted as in the wrong and unreasonable.

They aren't going to need an enormous amount of paint, are they?

You are dragging your heels, and lying to the court. He can certainly ask to take it back to court earlier as you aren't sorting out contact, although he will have to wait for a court date. CSA is irrelevant (particularly as he is on benefit). He won't get legal aid just because he is on benefit.

I'd just like to point out 2 things - if you can't trust strangers with your DD, you shouldn't have had a baby with one.

And more importantly, there are woman who have real, genuine issues with contact. Genuine fears that their exes may harm the DC's, or abduct them. Every woman like you - refusing to put DC's first, being selfish and difficult and obstructive and lying to the court - makes it harder for those women to be believed and to protect their children.

And that doesn't sit right with me.

LIfe is about choice, consequences and responsibility. You knew the father well enough to be intimate and chose to have sex. The consequence is, whether you like him or not, you are now tied together in the responsibilities of parenthood. The paramount concern is the welfare of your child who has a right to a relationship with both natural parents including knowing , seeing and ultimately staying their new partners and families.

Good contact for children relies on separated parents working together, or at least not against one another. As someone said above you have been given a chance to agree arrangements between yourselves. Alternatively the courts will impose an arrangement ordering you to make the child available and give the father Parental Responsibility. The problem with that is it will make working with the father difficult if not impossible which impacts badly on your child's childhood.

I'll probably be deleted but in my experience no you'll get continue to be a selfish bitch for months and months dragging it out until he to try and forge a relationship with his daughter with little contact.

Why the hell should he have to see her in a contact centre, he's done nothing wrong?! He's being an audit and trying to resolve the situation in the best interests of his daughter, you however come across terribly as a completiy self centered cow, wanting everything you own way and fuck everyone else including your daughter. If you was that bothered about her being around people you hardly know you wouldn't let a man who you'd presumably been in a relationship with for a maximum of 9 months bring her up 'as his own'. Your really demonstrating great parenting. You a mum now maybe it's time to grow up and put somebody else first.

Pathetic. You are being so unfair to your daughter. I'd give my right arm for my ex to acknowledge his daughter.

You knew him well enough to lay down and make a baby. Time to grow up love.

I seriously hope you're on the wind up, OP, because your attitude is actually frightening.

I don't like how he wants to call the shots, he wont agree to anything I say etc. Shes 5 months old, he should prove himself to me that he can bond with her.
My boyfriend doesn't call her daddy, but everyone does think she is his.... its too embarrassing to tell everyone she isn't.
my ex and I were only together 5-6 weeks, we broke up and then I found out I was pregnant. I told him 4 weeks later, we agreed on abortion but I couldn't go through with it.... and he saw the scan photo on my facebook profile... He wasn't around when I was pregnant, because he had his new girlfriend, and I had gone back to my ex ex.
It is a mess, its not how I planned having a child.... they are playing happy families with her kids...
I just don't know how to deal with it all. :(

Came on to say something but whitershadeofpale has already said it all, really

Damn you wsop

He's only a stranger because you're making him one. He's her dad FGS!

You're happy for your new boyfriend to take your car, and using this as an excuse to further hinder your child's relationship with her dad.

This isn't a game, you can't discard her father and slot another one into his place because you've changed your mind.

It's not majorly unreasonable to want him to have contact with his dd on his own and slowly introduce his gf once his and dd relationship is established, IMO you have a right to at least ask that.
You sound worried.
Do you think he wants to up and take her into his 'new family' by any chance?
I understand if so, it's a fear for anyone who is separated from their child's father, but please try not to let it make you prevent her from getting to know her father.
The worst is likely to happen if you continue to be obstructive, and I think it's the fear that's making you throw up everything you can in the path of his contact with her.

Sit back for one second and read from an outsiders pov, you mentioned being worried that his gf was a VICTIM of DV?.. Come on, you know how silly that sounds, how unreasonable? Because like being the victim of any other crime, she is blameless.

Also contact centres won't be there forever, they aren't cheap and cafcass won't fund them for ever.
Bite the bullet .. You know you have to.
Your dd deserves and indeed has a right to know her father, unless he is abusive or dangerous .. And I've been there, once you let go of that branch you're holding on to so tightly, and realise the ground is only two inches below your feet, that's the best way to describe the relief you'll feel.

As a plus, being a single parent is pants, really. Admit it, won't it be nice for your dd to go to stay overnight (when a little older) with someone who loves her and will care for her, and you can have a wee break from the grind that is parenting? Work towards that, and remember you're doing what's best for her.

She needs a good dad to show her how to choose a good man in the future

Ps. I know that fear I mentioned earlier. Kick it to the kerb, all it does is damage you x

Your child has the right to know her father.

If you didn't want this then you shouldn't have had sex, or you should have had an abortion.

In answer to your indicate question: yes he can 're-apply' to court before May. He can say that you are being obstructive. However, whether he, in fact, gets an earlier hearing date will depend

I don't like how he wants to call the shots, he wont agree to anything I say etc. Shes 5 months old, he should prove himself to me that he can bond with her.

I just don't know how to deal with it all.

Honestly it's quite obvious that you don't know how to deal with it.

You're angry and indignant. You wish he would just disappear and you're stomping your feet and holding your ground because he won't go away and give up. You feel like you have no control in the situation so you're making rules and dragging your feet in an effort to assert control or make him give up - and it's obvious it's not working because he's not letting it, that makes him a good dad (and remember, he IS a dad).

You are being unreasonable and you know it.

Your boyfriend has your car and he takes it to work, therefore YOU HAVE a car to take the child to the contact centre to facilitate contact. You have a child that needs to see her father. Either your boyfriend gets his own car, or he organises his own transportation on visitation days. You need to be more flexible about this and the court will think so as well. You're putting your boyfriend before your child.

It's time you stopped trying to ignore everything her father wants and instead try to turn what he wants into something you can handle, this is called compromise. You don't need to do everything at once, but you should at least try. You need (and should want) to be able to tell your daughter that you tried. You need to be able to look her in the eye when she asks about her daddy and is crying about her daddy not knowing her and know that you did everything you could to facilitate a relationship. That's what a good parent does.

Her father also doesn't need to prove ANYTHING to you about how he bonds with HIS daughter. You don't get to decide that. If you believe she's at risk, then you'd have something to say. Don't just make up things to make him look bad. Be the bigger person here.

I think most of all you need to get counselling. You sound very angry with yourself for being in this situation. Sounds like you harbor a lot of guilt about having a child with some guy you dated for less than 2 months, and someone you don't even like.

So call the contact center nearest you and set up a time, or go there to check it out. Make this a priority. Tell your boyfriend to find his own way to work for a day, or drive him in and pick him up after wards. Then organise a schedule, via email, with her father to make the visits. Leave him to bond with her, don't sit there and hover. Watch from a distance if you can. Over time this will start to feel better but you need to start to do it first.

(damn phone!)

depend on how busy the court is.

In terms of a contact centre, y why can't you make enquiries of the one near you? If it has places then it is likely that a court would prefer it.

More generally: there is a danger that your attitude will backfire. The court won't trust you to keep your word/agreements and will make orders you don't like. If you want to keep some control of the process it is best to act co-operatively.

Are you being serious??? You need to grow up. You had time before the pregnancy & your whole pregnancy to get to know the father of your child, you didnt. Your daughter and her father (yep thats what he is) dont deserve to be punished because of your selfish and very childish attitude.

Your boyfriend (I pity him and any children you may have with him as you probably will treat him the same way) gets to be around the child, why shouldnt the father of your child be allowed to have his partner around?? Youre being very two faced and not even hiding it. I hope that your daughter finds out what you did when she gets older and treats you with the same disgust we feel.

Using the girlfriends past history of being a victim of DV is stupid and youre clutching at straws. How is that of any relevance at all????

Wow.

Your daughter will not thank you for what you are doing
She will probably resent you
She may even hate you
She will find out the truth, no matter what you tell her, because there will be evidence of all of the steps her dad took to try and maintain a relationship with her.

He doesn't have to prove anything to you. You need to prove that you love your daughter more than yourself and your boyfriend.