how soon can he reapply for contact?

[pinkjug1245]

I will try to keep it short -

last week ex took me to court for access and parental rights. I don't agree and I want him out of our lives, dc is only 5 months. Judges said to go away, compromise and go back in a few months. All checks came back fine on him, and cafcass said there are no issues. I don't want my child around his girlfriend though, or her kids. The court wanted us to sort out the birth certificate and try to set up some kind of contact.
I told him I would get the birth certificate sorted, but haven't and I don't plan on doing so. He has only seen her a few times because I am denying contact without me being there, and he doesn't want to be around me for some reason.
I am trying to make him arrange the contact centre in a town 10 miles from me, but he is claiming that only the one in his town has gotten back to him. I don't see why I should travel - his town is 14 miles away.

We were only together a few weeks, split up not long before I found out I was pregnant, so I don't know him really and I don't feel happy giving him contact, when I don't know him.

He is saying that if I keep dragging my heels he will be reapplying to court - can he if a hearing is meant to be taking place in May? I am worried I will be forced to make baby available and get him on the birth certificate.

Keep your own car, let your boyfriend get the buses.

You don't like him? Yet you liked him sufficiently to have sex with him?
How is your dd's father supposed to get to know her if you're obstructing contact?

Jeez!

there will be evidence of all of the steps her dad took to try and maintain a relationship with her.

OP, if you ignore everything else that has been posted, please, please remember this point.

There are dads everywhere, just like your DDs dad, who have folders and files full of letters, court reports, emails & texts which they are keeping so that one day, they can prove to their DCs that they never gave up, never stopped trying, and always loved them.

Can you imagine your DD reading what you have written here about her Dad? By rejecting him, you are rejecting the half of her that is him.

I don't see why I should travel

You have a car. He doesn't. It sounds like you have more money coming in. The court may regard your refusal to travel as unreasonable.

or rush to get him on the birth certificate

You have told the court you will get him on the birth certificate. The court will not be happy if you drag your feet. He will get PR whether you like it or not.

I don't know his girlfriend, I met her once and we got on, but I cant trust strangers with my daughter

I'm afraid that is tough. He cannot stop you from introducing your daughter to anyone you want while she is in your care. Similarly you cannot control who she sees while she is in his care.

He is saying I am uncompromising, but im not

On the evidence of your posts here he is correct.

I don't like how he wants to call the shots

From your posts it looks like you want to call all the shots.

I understand that you don't want anything to do with your ex but he is your daughter's father. She is as much his child as yours. She has the right to a relationship with him. You need to stop fighting him over every little thing and be more flexible. You have to accept that he has the right to a say in his daughter's upbringing.

If you continue with this approach the courts will not be impressed. They prefer parents who are willing to try and work together for the benefit of their child.

Have you reversed this? Are you secretly the dad?

I honestly cannot believe that you would think you were justified.

My ex strangled me. Called me a cunt. I still let my son go and stay because he is his FATHER. Maybe not the father I would like for him, but the father nonetheless.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVU. You are playing a dangerous game with your child's wellbeing. You should be ashamed of yourself. It's pointless anyway, because it will be court ordered soon.

I bet if your boyfriend wasn't so willing to play daddy and your ex wanted you back you'd have no issues with contact would you.

Women like you give the rest of us a bad name.

You are being uncompromising, you are dragging your heels, yes you are being deliberately obstructive and you are being incredibly selfish.

How is he supposed to prove to you he can "form a bond" with His daughter whom you won't let him see?

Why is it okay for you to call all the shots and let your boyfriend bring your daughter up 'as his own' yet her father has to prove he's worthy.

There are so many women on here that would give their right arm for their DCs father to want to be involved in their lives, yet you're being deliberately obstructive.

If you don't do what a judge has told you to do then you can get into serious trouble.

When you do go back in May you're not doing yourself any favours by acting like a spoilt child just cause you don't like him.

Seriously cannot believe OP what you are saying. And believe me the judge will not be a happy bunny. If you agree to do something you do it. Don't act like a best because it doesn't suit you.

This is about the child. Not you. Her father has a right to see his child and you have no right to obstruct that.

If you don't do what the court asks you to do they will go harder on you and give him way more rights.

Your only response should be to let him have contact. Not interfere with that and use the time free to get your hair done.

I also don't see why your boyfriend is given more rights. He might be living with you but she is not his child.

I say all o this as a mum of a nearly 18 year old who split from her ex when DD was 18 months old.

You sound like my DHs ex. She promised weekly contact at the first hearing. After four weeks he'd seen DSD once. He contacted the court and the second hearing was brought forward by six weeks (the judge had ordered a three month review) funnily enough in the two weeks before court she managed to find time to allow him weekly visits. The judge then ordered the next three months of contact agreed in advance at the hearing.

She did, and continues to do everything she can to stop contact, without breaking the court order. DSD is allowed over for two nights once a fortnight, no more, no less. This year she has booked her summer holiday the same time as ours (she booked after us and simply told us DSD couldn't come) DSD is devestated as we'd been planning the trip since last year. DSD was also stopped from coming to the birthday party we arranged for her and her two half-sisters this year (birthdays are close together) she was heartbroken when she realised that not only had it gone ahead but her cousins had been there.

We will be going on holiday regardless of whether DSD joins us, we will hold a party for the girls, and not cancel short notice, regardless of whether DSd joins us. We can't stop her from finding out that these things are still going on.

The only one getting hurt is DSD. Her mum gets her 'victory' over DH, which doesn't affect us either way and gets logged for if we ever go back to court, but ultimately, DSD knows that it's her mum that is doing this and will eventually conclude that her mum is trying to hurt her (rightly or wrongly) what DSD does about that is up to her, but she knows she also has a home here.

Your DC will find out eventually that you have/are doing this. Surely it's better to show your DC how to be an adult?

He sounds very determined to forge a relationship with his child, against all the odds. Being on benefits does not mean he will get legal aid.

Sounds TBH as you've introduced your boyfriend to everyone as her Dad, and now wouldn't want to complicate things by allowing her actual Dad into the equation.

It's not embarrassing, it happens all the time. There are all sorts of families out there, yours is not unusual.

And his girlfriend being unsuitable because she is a victim of abuse? Please don't get me started.

I don't blame him for wanting a contact centre in order that he does not have to engage with you. He does not have to build a relationship with you, or discuss anything other than your DD.

You need to allow him the space to build that valuable bond, and stop being so obstructive.