I think he'll defend a divorce

[christmasclean]

My marriage has continued to plummet and I feel has now completely broke down. He is now sleeping on sofa and not providing anything for children. Getting paraletic about 3 sometimes 4 times a week. He has no intention of leaving. He thinks he can just opt out of our life and carry on here like a single person. I have a feeling if I petitioned a divorce he would not agree to it for fear of losing Money home and being made to pay for the kids. Or only agree under his conditions of getting everything and paying nothing.
What actually happens in these circumstances? Do women actually have to stay married and continue to live with their husbands?
I'm such a coward and don't think I'll ever have the courage to end this misery.

He doesn't have to agree' to the divorce. From what you've said you'd go for unreasonable behaviour' as grounds.

It's got little bearing on living arrangements, incidentally - and if need be they can be sorted out legally too.

Seriously though - is there is any way you can try to repair it? Divorce isn't a walk in the park by a long shot. It can be emotionally and financially crippling for many years.

Try counselling or mediation if there is any hope.

There is no hope we have been unhappy for years ( to much to go into) fR to many problems and he has a drink problem which has caused years of begging pain and torture but he cannot stop and doesn't want to stop also I think this thread is in the wrong place , it needs to be moved to the divorce/ seperation topic I think, sorry

No OP, stay here in Legal, there are several good family solicitors and barristers who can help (I retired in 2012 but can still remember a bit ).

The behaviour you describe is easily enough for you to divorce him on the basis of his unreasonable behaviour. Very often the husband shows no sign of moving out until he receives the divorce petition or even the Decree Nisi so the sooner you crack on with proceedings the better.

He doesn't have to admit to the allegations of unreasonable behaviour. If he goes to a family solicitor and says he wants to defend the divorce itself they will tell him to get real; once one person has decided the marriage is over there's absolutely no point in dragging things on with a defence to the petition. however you should be prepared to pare down and otherwise edit your allegations to keep the peace.

So far as money is concerned, sadly there is rarely enough to go around two households. As I presume that the children would stay with you and that you earn less than him, you would receive more than half of the joint equity to even things up. He does, however, have to be left with sufficient to house himself, but that may well mean a rental property. There are various options including an order that you stay in the house until the children are grown up, and then sell and split the equity.

You really need to go to see a family specialist solicitor to go over all of the details. You can find one on the website www.resolution.org.uk

You don't need his consent/agreement to divorce him.

As well as applying for a divorce you could apply for an occupation order too - if he has somewhere else to go to, such as parents in the nearby area, then a Court could grant it to you - this would require him to leave. Especially as there are children with you - having to witness his behaviour

My XH didn't defend the divorce, but did the far more common thing of ignoring the petition and refusing to send it back. I had to have the papers 'served' on him which meant about £100 and a kindly retired policeman knocking on the door and handing them to him. Once they can prove he's received them, there's nothing he can do to stop the divorce going through.

The finances / occupation of course are another matter, but the divorce is perfectly do-able.

Thankyou both for your invaluable time and help. I am finding a local family law solicitor on Monday.. I have told my family my plans. They agree and support my decision . I am so scared it's untrue and feel really sick and nervous. I hope to get house but would be scared after his past threat of burning it down. I don't want to move and I can't afford to move but it would be more agreeable and I'd feel safer and free. So that's an update. What's the etiquette? Do I tell him I'm getting a divorce or wait untill he receives the letter ? Do I say anything now?

christmasclean I've come across you again from my thread, our situations are so alike bar the drinking. Let me know how you got on at your appointment? I'm thinking of you, I asked my husband to talk about a way forward today to relieve the tension in the house and he said he wouldn't be bullied into talking about it! Take care.