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Photos of dd made public - no consent given and im FUMING!!

175 replies

somethinghastogive · 29/04/2013 22:15

Hi.
Can anyone advise of what legal action i can take, if any?
DH was best man at a wedding of his best friend from school days. Bride to be and i dont get along. Myselfand dd still went as dh wanted us there. The photos have been made public without us knowing content. Just looked at them and during the wedding bride has taken our daughter off and had photos taken with her. Our daughter is 3. I am soooo angry. Can i do anything about this? Both my dh and i gave NO permission for pic's to be taken of our dd and she at no point asked our permission.
Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
doublecakeplease · 30/04/2013 08:00

Good sport in the end op. I'm sure the brides priority on her wedding day wasn't to upset you by taking advantage of your daughter. She obvious saw a cute child and an opportunity for a cute pic (slightly snidy of me and but she may even have scooped her up for a distracting pic if the child was a bit lost...)

I'm surprised that someone would go to a wedding and accept hospitality from someon they dislike so much and i think it would cause bad feeling to ask them to go to the trouble of taking them down. If they were on fb they'll already be the property of fb!

Have another look at the pictures - i bet they're very cute (crop the bride out if you like!)

*wonders why you were on fb of someone you don't like...

CPtart · 30/04/2013 08:24

I'd be flattered! Get a grip.

ChocHobNob · 30/04/2013 10:01

This isn't a legal query as your objection to the pictures are because you dislike the bride, not pictures of your daughter being taken and published without your consent.

IF the Bride did take them to wind you up, you are playing straight into her hands kicking up a fuss. Just stop looking at them and try to forget about them.

TigerFeet · 30/04/2013 12:03

Was your h with her when the photos were taken, or did he give his permission to the photographer? If so then surely your problem is with him and not the bride?

I wouldn't post portraits of other people's children on Facebook without their permission myself, and if I saw pics of my own children that I wasn't aware of I would either untag myself or ask that they be taken down. Anything more than that in the first instance is an overreaction imo.

tomorowisanotherday · 30/04/2013 12:09

was your dd a briedsmais?

tomorowisanotherday · 30/04/2013 12:10

bridesmaid (obv!)

RooneyMara · 30/04/2013 12:13

don't go to weddings at all of people you hate...always works for me!

Katnisscupcake · 30/04/2013 13:50

OP, I don't think you're in the wrong at all.

From what I can make out in your OP, the photos were specifically of your DD and the bride? Not of your DD just in the background of crowd or group shots? So YANBU as far as I can see.

We also requested for photos of our DD not to be posted on FB. No-one has ever queried it.

Our DD, our decision. If we went to a wedding and she was photographed in group shots or in a crowd, I wouldn't worry quite so much.

givemeaclue · 30/04/2013 13:55

At my wedding I did not get permission to take pics of people or their children. When you say its just like her, its prob just like every bride!

You sound like the unreasonable one, not her

JollyPurpleGiant · 30/04/2013 16:17

I still don't understand how a three year old could be removed from your sight for long enough for professional photos to be taken. Especially when you were in a place where you didn't trust at least one of the adults present.

PinkPanther27 · 30/04/2013 19:05

Cabbages there are a few different concerns some of which have been raised but mainly the increasing number of internet sex offences against children.

doublecakeplease · 30/04/2013 19:42

Really? I doubt those committing child sex offences would be interested in pictures of a child at a wedding though??

CinnabarRed · 01/05/2013 10:27

And so what if someone did find a stray photo of one of my DCs sexually enticing? I wouldn't know about it.

RooneyMara · 01/05/2013 11:07

Actually all this is brought into sharp focus with the current high profile murder trial. Sad

Someone saving photographs from facebook of a child seems to be a possibility, whether or not it led to a crime being committed (which has so far not been established)

NotTreadingGrapes · 01/05/2013 11:11

Cinnabar, I tried saying that on a similar whackjobs 'r'us thread once and was accused of virtually offering my child up to paedophiles.

I really would like the OP to take legal action though. Just for a laugh like.

NotTreadingGrapes · 01/05/2013 11:15

Well, the OP has accepted that her agenda is against the Bridezilla rather than any actual paedo-noia, but even if there were a smidgeon of the latter in her anxieties, surely she should be removing any photographs off dd from the sweaty clutches of her granddad or Uncle Jim no, given the statistics and all......

G'wan though OP, did dh used to shag the bride? He did, didn't he? Grin

quoteunquote · 01/05/2013 11:41

You were extremely unreasonable to go to the nuptials of someone you have issues with,

Guests go to weddings to celebrate the union of two people, in order to do that you need to be able to celebrate those two individuals,

Given your relationship with the bride, the outcome you are experiencing was entirely predictable, had it not been published photos, it would of been some other drama, you haven't addressed your issues with someone, so dramas will irrupt.

When your husband asked for support on the day, you should of replied, "Sorry, I am unable to put my differences aside."

That was the point when you could of prevented the situation that you are now in happening.

That was your mistake, now learn from it, and move on, without inflicting any more nonsense on those who have the misfortunate to tolerate your behaviour.

CinnabarRed · 01/05/2013 13:52

But, but, but...

For someone to be a risk to my child that person must be in the same physical location as my child. True, yes?

So that means there are 2 possibilities.

Either the paedophile lives or works near enough to us that s/he has seen my child in real life and fixated on my child. In which case the paedophile will already have the means to find my child through conventional routes - yes, s/he might also find photos on the Internet, but those photos aren't the driver behind the paedophile's obsession; nor do they put my child at any greater risk.

Or this hypothetical pedophile has no real life interaction with my child but has simply stumbled across my child's photo on the Internet somehow. In which case s/he has to identify my child then identify my child's relationship to either me or my husband then find our address then visit our address to find out our routines and only then create a plan to start interacting with us so as to harm my child.

In the meantime, statistically many more paedophiles's lives will have intersected with ours just through day-to-day living. On the street, at the shops, on the bus, at school - so many other possibilities.

So there simply isn't a mechanism whereby photos on the internet put a child at greater risk than already exists.

The man accused of taking poor little April Jones lived in her community. I bet you all the money in my pocket against all the money in yours that (if he is guilty) then he could have got her photo in a million other ways, and probably did. And I bet you all the money in my bank account that he didn't first become fixated on her through Internet photos.

None of this negates the importance of being internet-safe, of course it doesn't. But a few random photos of a wedding, presumably not tagged as "Bride and XX, aged 3, of 55 Acacia Avenue, Snatchville, whose parents don't keep a close enough eye on her at a wedding to realise she's being photographed so might be worth a punt with this one"? No. Worrying about this aspect detracts from where the real risks lie. Those are very much around much older children with their own Internet access - grooming, they themselves posting deeply inappropriate photos, their emails going viral, etc etc.

Obviously, there are some circumstances, already mentioned here, where greater care is needed in respect of images of small children - adoption, previous abuse, their parent's occupations putting the children at risk of retaliation - but even in those very valid cases, the source of the harm is not the photos themselves but rather the individuals already looking to do harm to that family specifically because of existing real life interactions.

I've got more time for the argument that our children don't have any input into whether their image should be posted on the Internet because, once it's there it's there forever. But in truth the vast, vast majority of shots of children are not in any way embarrassing or inappropriate, or capable of leading to the child being identified as an adult.

RedPencils · 01/05/2013 15:40

Cinnabar - brilliant post. I'm going to copy that and use it on FB for all the fools people who go on and about paedos on every corner stuff.

VisualiseAHorse · 01/05/2013 15:57

I think I have a crush on you Cinnabar - fabulous post.

Honestly, OP. YABU - it's a wedding, she's a cute child, someone is bound to take a picture of her, and if you haven't asked them NOT to, how would they know not to?

MrsHoarder · 01/05/2013 16:04

Yes CinnaBar. Its only the embarrassment factor an that I find the iea of his entire life being chronicled online a bit creepy that means DS doesn't have photos online atm. The odd photo at a wedding [shrug] I really don't mind

RooneyMara · 01/05/2013 16:13

I disagree that it isn't important, Cinnabar. I think you have made a good enough case BUT kind of glossed over a really crucial factor which is the thing about how it might feel to have potential strangers - and some of those with potentially harmful thoughts or motives, even so - having access to your child's image.

It isn't about what they could technically do with it, or not. It's about them having access to it in the first place, when it's an image of your own child and I think for a lot of people that actually matters.

And I don't think you can say with any sort of certainty that the photos in the current case were not relevant, or how they were accessed. You really can't and I do find it a bit distasteful that you have suggested you can with such arrogance/conviction.

RooneyMara · 01/05/2013 16:15

What I mean is you can rationalise until the cows come home on this issue but what you can't do is remove the emotional response of people to the ownership of images.

CinnabarRed · 01/05/2013 16:24

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RooneyMara · 01/05/2013 16:25

No, you can't say that with absolute certainty. You really can't.