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Original poster

Violent ex husband

10 replies

Kikadee20001 · 25/01/2013 22:37

Hi I would like some advice on what I should do, for years previous to 2011 I was in a dv relationship which I tried repeatedly to report to police but wasn't taken very seriously, there was an additional incident in September 2012 that was taken to court. What I want to know is how can I get justice for what has happened to me for years? He's walking the streets while I'm running away trying to keep away from him but he's contacting my family making accusations about me and I can't stand it any more, I need him to realise now what he has done is unacceptable because he thinks it's ok and even fair to hurt me. As I said I have tried to report it to the police several times there will be records of this but nothing has ever come of it, there were also witnesses, neighbours and friends who saw what was going on, please tell me there is something I can do to protect me and my children from him in the future.

OP posts:
Seabright · 25/01/2013 23:19

Have you started divorce proceedings? You sound like you need a non-molestation order and custody arrangements that give him no/supervised only access

Original poster
Kikadee20001 · 26/01/2013 01:14

I have started divorce proceedings, I have a restraining order already imposed by the court while they were dealing with the last attack, can I really stop him seeing his children because he's always told me I can't stop him and I don't know otherwise tbh

OP posts:
achillea · 26/01/2013 01:21

I can't believe this kind of thing still goes on. Keep fighting, I hope someone comes along to help you on this thread, and in RL. Lawyers not likely to be up at this hour.

Collaborate · 26/01/2013 06:57

You must speak to your solicitor about adequate arrangements for the children that respect their right to have SAFE contact and your right not to want him anywhere near you or in contact with you.
If he breaches the restraining order even in a minor way you MUST report it to the police. If he is abusing a loophole in the order see a out getting it plugged by a non-molestation order.

Charlie97 · 26/01/2013 07:01

I am with achilla! Shocking that this type of thing continues! I have no helpful advice, but am happy to lend a listening ear! Keep strong and you will beat the bastard!

Xx

Collaborate · 26/01/2013 08:02

Just to add (now I've had morning caffeine) you can just say no to contact. Speak to your solicitor about this too. You are entitled to have him nowhere near you or your home. How old are the kids? Do they want to see him? Is he abusive to them? Is there a risk he'll be violent to them, or to others in their presence?

Original poster
Kikadee20001 · 26/01/2013 12:56

They are 3 and 4 so haven't really formed an opinion, my eldest is autistic so he's not aware of what's going on but is still vunerable, I believe he would hurt them if they annoyed him or didn't do what he said they've only just reached that defiant stage where they push boundaries and putting them with him would scare me to death, not to mention he has punched me while I was breast feeding my dd repeatedly and thrown me on the floor almost falling on my ds and the last time he just missed hitting my dd and it didn't stop him that she was so close to me, he has no control over his anger he's attacked my friend and a member of his family because of his lack of control, he is always saying he will kill anyone I go out with and the only reason he hasn't killed me is that I'm the mother of his kids and they would be put in care. Nobody really sees him how I do because he's a very good manipulator, even my mum doesnt see him for what he is, he's managed to convince her it was 50/50 and that he's got the worse end of the deal and also that I was unfaithful to him which is all completely untrue :(

OP posts:
Collaborate · 26/01/2013 13:33

If you told that to social services they would advise you to stop him seeing them without supervision.

achillea · 26/01/2013 15:39

Jeez.

If you have reports of these incidents he has committed a form of child abuse.

It is abusive to allow your children to witness violence between partners - I think it comes in the category of neglect, which is a form of abuse.

He should never see them again, the sooner you are able to get on with your life and find a decent man, the better for the children and obviously, yourself. If necessary, get into a shelter as the support will be there. If you are afraid in any way at all for your children, you will need this level of safety and you owe it to them.

If necessary, move into a different are with a police force who can actually do their job.

Halfcups · 26/01/2013 15:49

I just wanted to say how awful for you and your dc s to have to deal with this lunatic. You sound so isolated. I had a friend in a similar situation and she contacted women's aid and they really helped her. I wish you luck xxx

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