Not sure if this is the right place, hopefully there will be someone who sees who can answer this. How untidy does a house have to be for an other wise loving and good parent to have child protection proceedings?
My mum has just reported me to social services for being too untidy. She is happy to state I'm a good mum, I am caring, I give my children lots of opportunities etc but she thinks I'm too untidy.
In the last 6 months I have had visits from different professionals (not for child protection) at least once a month and none have expressed concern, in fact when she put the complaint in I was still under a family support team and the case closed (they were looking to see if they could find a way to help me with school runs as one of my children has mobility problems as do I). The social worker asked the worker about it and she said she had no concerns, Mum's response (she had this call whilst I was with her) was "I'd like to see what her house looks like then!" well she may need to look at the houses of 7 different people who have visited me in that case!
I admit I'm not the tidiest person, but I don't think it's that bad (certainly in a previous relationship and whilst I was childless it was a lot worse and has got steadily better since I had children) it's not so bad that we can't vac 2-3 times a week (as I said, I have mobility issues and pulling a vac around isn't easy for me or it'd get done more often) there's nothing about that's dangerous to the children.
Mum is a child protection social worker and it feels like she's asking her friends to tell me to tidy my room (she did that when I was a teenager!) my previous HV said that she kept trying to get her to make a referral about me but she had told her that it wasn't that bad (it was worse than it is now when she last came here) she told me that Mum isn't taking her work hat off and whilst she might make an issue of a house that looks like mine she can't see that it would be as part of something else and that on it's own she (HV) wouldn't refer it.
I have a social worker making a visit on Monday which will be the first time we've met him. Half of me is convinced he'll say that it's nothing to worry about but I'm also worried because I'm not sure Mum will let them drop it so easily.
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How Untidy Do You Have To Be?
HowMessy · 08/09/2012 23:52
I don't have valance sheets.
We have a social worker purely because my son has a disability and she doesn't seem too disturbed by my lack of valance sheets. 
They are something only women of a certain age use I have noticed.
You mentioned earlier on in thread your mum had complained of insect bites, I suspect that is why they checked the beds, probably checking for signs of bed bugs.
OP you seem SO laid back about all this. Why are you not frantic? Why didn't you bring your dcs straight back home?? Have you been conditioned not to challenge your mother? 
Apologies for not coming back, between a rubbish connection and running around for the kids I've not had a lot of chance.
I've not been able to speak to the social worker yet, because of the running around, but I've been told he said I have to be patient! Not at all happy with that as there is no reason for them not to be here, as soon as I can speak to him I will be making this clear. Just to explain the running around, because I know it'll come up - we have done all the school runs (kids dropped here) and that includes settling in periods at nursery. My eldest has had a hospital appointment that I did, I spent the whole morning doing it, then had a meeting at the school (unrelated) an hour after drop off, so enough time to go to the local Costa for a quick drink. Had another meeting at the school next day. Yesterday was a similarly hectic day though can't remember why, had the annual "what we're doing this year" meeting after school. Today had to take eldest to pick up glasses, dropped off, walked to his office so he could take me to my antenatal, Dad picked me up and took me back to theirs, slept all afternoon until we had to pick eldest up from after school club, then met DH at Tesco to do shopping. This morning my eyes were pounding, I've hardly had time to rest this last week, we had the children over the weekend because we took them to see his other children on Saturday who live a two hour (supposedly - took 5 hours home, ouch!) drive away, my parents were away Saturday night anyway and we had them Sunday night too, got DC2 tonight, DC1 will be dropped over early as Dad is off sick leave now and DC3 is still liking early morning sleep. So this situation is ridiculous because we're doing so much running around and having them so much that it's rather pointless them not being here.
I'm glad that people can see now that I'm not just blind to it all. As far as the bugs go, we occasionally see one now but not often. It's never been a lot but since I found out what they were and started spraying it's kept them back. That access panel does seem to be source of them, so I can't see that getting my house done is going to make much difference unless that panel is done from top to bottom and the other properties. TBH it didn't happen until the one below became empty (there was lots of water coming into their's from mine and they eventually narrowed it down to a waste pipe - not the toilet! - that wasn't properly sealed in the access, so I think also the cause of the slugs) so not sure if it was connected.
perfectstorm and OhDearNigel - thanks for the support 
it was rather embarrassing having to ask my GM to come in, she wasn't aware of any of it before, fortunately we're good friends enough that I'd trust her with it, but you're right, when it comes to WoW, people do see to have this image of geeks who never leave their computer and a headset permanently glued to their head. I mentioned the "obsessive gamer" comment to our friends and one said "Yeah. Not just WoW..." and listed all his games - most involve running around fields. He also has a full time job. The game got me through nights of BH in my pregnancies, sweet talking friends into staying up until 4am to run me through areas but normally like GM and I said I don't play a lot, I get bored of it. Judging by the notifications I get from games, some people play FB games far more!
Finallygotaroundtoit and fuzzpig, she told him that there were roaches in their beds so he was checking for them.
My 6 year old is bit of a know it all, very grown up for 6. We have the sort of sense of humour here where that wouldn't be talking to me like a child, we have a laugh sat on the floor sorting washing - I can almost have DC1 in tears from laughing with the "my pile, your pile" game "this goes in my pile" "your pile?" "No, my pile" "That's what I said!" "No, you said your pile"...
insanityscratching - actually I think it's the opposite. I'm quite independent, never ask for help even if it's offered. As the eldest I was brought up to be that way. My brother and sister need a lot of help. She seems almost offended by my independence like it's pushing her away. I think she wants me to rely on her more. It's crazy really because between her job (working two weeks a week quite often) and my siblings and other people who rely on her she's over stretched, I think I'm doing her a favour but she obviously doesn't think so. I can't just ask her for help, I grew up with "you need to be a big girl because Mummy and Daddy need to [look after the other two]" I'm not saying they were bad parents, because they weren't but they did expect more from me than the others and that's not a habit after 25 years I can easily break.
I may come off as passive on here, but really I'm not. My husband gets wound up and wants to talk all the time about it but I can't, I have to tell him to stop. The SW knows my feelings on this, I did talk to him about it and tell him I wasn't prepared to leave them there, but I know myself enough to know I can't let myself get angry and emotional about it all the time.
cestlavielife, she had my FIL to help. Was quite a few bags because it was everything, even between sizes. She didn't sneak out with them she asked if she could wash, iron and sort everything. I didn't have any reason then to think anything of it.
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