Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Changing DD's name without absent father's consent

49 replies

Poppolino · 02/05/2012 11:04

Hi all, I have looked on the deed poll website but it only answers half my question so I wondered it there are any legal experts on here who wouldn't mind advising.

DD has my surname and I am about to marry my partner. DD's father hasn't seen her since she was 3 months old (she is now almost 5) but as we were married he does have PR. I would like us both to have DP's surname when we get married and I know I would need my ex's consent. But we don't want to trigger him making contact, especially as he doesn't know where we are now.

My question is, do we need his consent to change her surname from MY name to my partner's? I would understand that we would need it if she had HIs surname, but she doesn't. Don't want to go to court and was just hoping to change her name in his absence

OP posts:
Collaborate · 02/05/2012 11:15

You need his consent. It's easy enough to trace someone these days.

mumblechum1 · 02/05/2012 11:19

You do, unfortunately, need either his consent or a court order (a specific issue order under the children act). You could, I suppose, ask for the school etc to make a note that you wish her to be known by another name, but that is likely to lead to problems later on with exam certificates etc.

The court will want to understand why it is in your dd's interest to have her name changed. They are often reluctant when the child is know by the father's name, as it is sometimes the only link the child has to that half of her heritage, but in your case that doesn't apply, so I think you may be successful.

MOSagain · 02/05/2012 11:21

agree with my learned friends Collaborate and Mumblechum Grin

Original poster
Poppolino · 02/05/2012 11:26

Thanks all. I just think it will be in her interest for the three of us to have the same surname. Obv if it came to it, her and I will keep my name so she doesn't feel different int an way.

Mumblechum; you think we will be successful but what would court entail? My ex was violent and I count my blessings that we don't see him. I would want to avoid having any contact with him as it may trigger a sudden interest in his daughter and then he'll be here screwing up our lives.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 02/05/2012 13:03

You simply can't do it without him giving his consent or being served with court proceedings.

RedHelenB · 02/05/2012 13:21

Probably best to stick with the status quo.

coffeeslave · 02/05/2012 15:00

You may have considered this already (apologies if you have) but would it be easier for your DP to take your name when you marry?

Original poster
Poppolino · 02/05/2012 15:43

Coffeeslave, it is an option, as is RedHelenB's suggestion of sticking to the status quo. It's such a bummer though...bastard exes!

Collaborate, what would court proceedings involve if it's ok to ask?

thank you everyone Smile

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 02/05/2012 15:52

I changed my daughter's name when I remarried. My solitor did a change of name deed. I'm not sure it was entirely valid Hmm but everyone accepted it, apart from the passport office at a later date.

Original poster
Poppolino · 02/05/2012 15:54

Oooh, that's interesting Kladdaka. Did the biological father have PR? I suppose if the passport office don't accept it, it isn't the end of the world Grin

OP posts:
lesstalkmoreaction · 02/05/2012 15:58

I did the same as Kladd but had to get the solicitor to sort out the passports for my dd's which I did at the same time and have had to keep renewed as i'm unsure what I would do if they ran out and questions were asked. My dd's were very young and don't even remember they had a different name and they both started at school with the new name so I've always said thats the only name theyve ever had and no questions have ever been asked.

lesstalkmoreaction · 02/05/2012 16:02

and in my case the divorce was a clean break and legally my ex had pr but didn't want anything to do with us. Get a solicitor to do everything at the same time,my passport applications were sent back but the solicitor spoke to them and said we were divorced and the children had no contact for 6 months and none was expected, she also said we wanted our address to remain secret from my ex and it was all sorted withing hours.

Original poster
Poppolino · 02/05/2012 16:03

that's really useful lesstalk; thank you so much

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppolino · 02/05/2012 16:04

lesstalkmoreaction - just out of interest, does the birth certificate change as well?

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 02/05/2012 16:05

Yes Poppolino he did have PR, but he'd had no contact for over 8 years. She said at the time that if he challenged it, it wouldn't stand, but how can you challenge something if you know nothing about it?

Cost £35 and 1 phone call to the solicitor.

FrozenChocolate · 02/05/2012 16:36

When mine started school I told the school their name was and their certificates etc are in that name. They will probably change names by deed poll when they are old enough to do it themselves as everyone knows them by those names anyway. Just watch if they go abroad on a school trip, obviously plane tickets etc have to be in the passport name. I don't think I ever showed id to the schools (total of 4 different schools) so you can call them what you like.

howmuchlonger · 02/05/2012 16:48

I got a deed poll certificate off the Internet for £10. Again the only people who didn't accept it was the passport office. Can't see the point of opening a can of worms contacting spiteful exes. I will get their names changed officially as soon as they are old enough so exam certificates etc are in the right name

overmydeadbody · 02/05/2012 16:54

I don't think birth certificates can ever change.

Collaborate · 02/05/2012 16:57

Well done ladies. Providing a rich seam of future work for solicitors to mine!

FrozenChocolate · 02/05/2012 18:50

eh?

Collaborate · 02/05/2012 23:20

Eh? Well 4 of you have changed children's names with no lawful authority. Ripe for a Prohibited Steps Order if the fathers ever find out. Still, why must the law apply to you lot eh?

FrozenChocolate · 03/05/2012 00:37

Just because you tell the school the child is to be known as such-and-such, how is that breaking the law? Passport name corresponds with birth certificate and will continue to do so until children are of such an age to do a deed poll themselves. School required no proof, nor for that matter did tax credits and child benefit.

howmuchlonger · 03/05/2012 01:24

Collaborate is right frozen, you're not allowed to change a child's name anywhere without consent. I know my children will legally change their name the second they're old enough.

S1eepy · 03/05/2012 01:32

My ex tried a pso but cafcass recommended double barrelling the name. I couldn't see the problem, afterall there has to be compromise. My ex hated that because he didn't 'win' the argument

Kladdkaka · 03/05/2012 07:37

Eh? Well 4 of you have changed children's names with no lawful authority. Ripe for a Prohibited Steps Order if the fathers ever find out. Still, why must the law apply to you lot eh?

Because in my case my ex was a violent, abusive man who needed wrestling to the ground by burly policemen, locking up, an injuction and his ex-wife and child being moved to a refuge so he couldn't find them, to finally get the message to stay the hell away. Nearly 20 years later I still suffer from PTSD. Some nest shouldn't be prodded, so I did what my solicitor advised.