I'm not sure if he is right or not!

[keepingupwiththejoneses]

I am in the process of separating. He is being very up and down about everything. My biggest worry is that his is convinced he can get legal shared residence or shared custody as he calls it, he say's a judge will grant it. I have heard of this being done on a mutual agreement but never legally. I have a feeling he watches too many american talk shows (he watches them constantly).
Thing is both boys have sn and I am their main carer, he does almost nothing, doesn't even know their shoe size, clothes size. Also, due to their sn they would not cope with swapping and changing homes every few days.
Is it possible this would be agreed, could he get it?

Yes it is possible & he would learn their shoe size/clothes size.

Anything is possible but, with their SNs, you might be able to prove that it is not in the children's best interests. You would have to focus on proving that it wouldn't be best for them to keep swapping homes rather than the fact that he doesn't know X Y or Z because he can learn those things.

Obviously a solicitor is the only one who can tell you exactly though.

It's true that there are more shared residence orders made than there used to be, but many of them are shared residence in name only. The SNs situation will be important. Each case is different.

red yes it is possible, I doubt it though as he has told me as far he is concerned it is not important.
Thank you for you advice everyone else, I was worried that the boys sn would not be taken seriously. They are very set in their routine and don't deal well with change, especially ds2, it would take a week to prepare him for change.

if their Sn are diagnosed and you have profressionals involved then you can get reports done which might support them staying with you as main home.
this wont stop a shared residenc order pe se tho - as shared residence order is more about legal status it does not have to mean 50/50 residence or contact.

but he may step up to the plate when has to have them in sole charge.

unless you have evidence he has actually harmed them then you will have to let go and have them visit with him even stay with him.

use schedule boards, calendars etcetc.

it will be good for you in a way if you can set up good routine for them staying with him. and good for them as well .

you wont know til you try.

sometimes Sn chidlren are more resilient than we think.

so long as here is lots of communicaiton and support
let him get on with it - use photos to explain etc.
short visits to his place building up fairly quickly to regular overnigts.

show willing and keep good records

i ahve 15 yr ol with autism and SLd - h now goes for four/five nights at respite afer starting going since ten .

this is same thing you have to prepare them for change but it is good for them in long term and good for you - assuming they wont cope is wrong attitude. teaching them to cope is your job.

if he is saying he will take them and care for them 50/50 or whatever then take him up on it.... if he finds their shoes dont fit he will learn - he clothes himself right ? let him learn.

I understand what you are saying. I haven't really explained myself very well. H does not take the boys sn into consideration, he has never learned about it and refuses to, his attitude is he is their dad so he 'knows them' he doesn't need to know about their conditions. The thing is he doesn't, he expects ds1 just to do as he is told because he has told him, if he doesn't he gets screamed at. Ds2 is just starting to toilet train but H will not allow him into the bathroom if he wants to go in saying he will just have to learn to wait, in fact ds burst into the bathroom a few weeks ago and H slammed the door, knocking ds to the ground. He barely sees the boys really, he spends most nights in the pub. If ds3 wakes during the night and wakes him he will just scream at him, making things worse. The only time I really leave him with the boys is when I do a supermarket shop on a sunday and every time I come home he is upstairs in the bedroom watching tv and ds3 is alone on the living room with the front door unlocked! He thinks that is ok! When H is in a mood he will ignore or snap at the boys enough to really upset them. H can not cope with their behaviours, he has started smacking ds3 on the leg if he has a meltdown, ds3 is non verbal and has no understanding of why. I hope you now understand why I just don't think joint residence is a good idea. My biggest concern is that no matter how many time I tell him the allergies the boys have he never remembers them, I feel like I would be putting them in harms way.
I have lots of reports for both boys and ds2 is at special school so lots of info from them.
I suppose I will just have to wait and see what happens in court as I am not going to do it any other way.

cest we get 4 hours respite and will most likely never have overnight.