My Kids Have NEVER had any Child Support!

[littlemum007]

Aged 10 and 13 - my kids have never had a penny - father and I weren't married and my 13 year old is his first born - we split up and he got married and had a couple more kids - he's never paid a penny and of course I've been in touch with the CSA but they've NEVER secured a single penny - they just keep saying he's nil assessed and in any event his new children come first becuase he lives with them - he used to be self-employed and earned a fair whack but manages to fob the CSA off with lies about his income! (If he was that broke surely he wouldn't have more children) but I've no idea what he's doing now as contact dwindled after about 2 years. I've opened and closed a CSA file at least 3 times to take into consideration the new changes in the law and on each occasion it has proven futile.

The courts can't help me either because they can only grant a Consent Order if BOTH parents agree and he will never agree! There are no other options available to me especially as we were never married. Has anyone got any ideas about what I can do?

If he will not co-operate I'm afraid the CSA is the only option you have. The situation would be no different even if you had been married. If the case is dealt with under current rules he would only get a nil assessment if his income is less than £5 per week, or he is in prison or he is living in a care home and getting help with the fees. If you don't agree with the assessment you should apply for a variation and argue that his lifestyle is incompatible with his declared income. There are also other arguments you can use - take a look at the "How is child maintenance worked out" booklet available through the CSA website. If that still doesn't produce the right result you can appeal.

Very good advice there from prh47bridge. Nothing more I can add really!

The only other thing I would say is- after seeing a good friend struggle for years and get very upset and bitter- is it really worth it. She decided it wasnt as it was making her very angry.

Thank you - I will have a look at the booklet - and yes, I am really angry and bitter - why should my kids suffer because their dad's a deadbeat - I don't know what ever has become of their father

to what extent are they suffering?

how much realstically would you be able to get from him?

They go without. For example, We've never had a family holiday; I always have to buy second hand clothes; Christmas is horrible and school holidays are hell no matter how much I try to plan in advance.
Realistically, I have no idea how much I'd be able to get from him.

I can't offer any help but what I will say is they clearly have a mum that loves them. I'm sure they will have lots of lovely memories when there older. It's his loss and one day he will realise this.

He might do what my own father did and that is .... nothing.... my own father was 68 before I got in touch, he never did care then, and didn't care right up until his death - never gave me a pressie, a card or anything and of course never provided financially but he did have more kids and provided for them..... towards teh end of his life I used to phone him up in teh old peoples home because he had MS and I would give him hell on the phone.... yes, I really rubbed it in, told him it was poetic justice he had a disease.... I'd phone him up sometimes weekly to remind him who I was... I was desperate for his approval and love .... I got nothing.... I told him I would phone him until he died... and I did....and he died 2 years ago.... My kids father who was once a businessman has just made a facebook account - I've also done some research.... he's now a bankrupt with more kids... heavens know how many.... he posted his whole face on facebook and he looks bloody rough..... you are right brighteyes, it really is his loss.... despite my kids poverty, they are remarkable - I only hope that they don't grow up to have the same resentment as me.... because then, they might, as I did, turn to outside stimulus... the ones that poisen the mind and kill the heart....

I'm at a loss as to what to say. It's not your fault. Have you talked to anyone about how you feel?
If you want to PM me please do I don't know if I can help but I can listen to you.

Take care xx