Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Adoption, fostering and a bit complex!

465 replies

zeebrugge · 29/12/2010 18:32

I was adopted as a baby in 1971 and lived with my adopted parents until March 1987 when they were both drowned in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster. I was put in short term foster care and then long term foster care until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I was allowed to visit my former home, on the day after the funeral, to collect my belongings but never stayed there again. When my aunt and uncle came back from Denver in 1989 they lived there for a while.

Now I can sort of understand why I wasn't in the will, being adopted rather than a birth child. But as somebody told me over Christmas, and why I am writing, surely I was left something. Did I really matter so little.

OP posts:
minipen · 13/01/2011 19:03

I am pleased things are moving for you, don't feel you have to rush into any decision re the house or anything, take your time, is your OH home for a while?

HattiFattner · 14/01/2011 12:47

how lovely to visit your home Smile - I hope you were able to find some peace there. Im sure your parents are at peace knowing that their baby is back where she belongs. How great that your room was the same! I hope you had some happy memories while you wandered around.

This is going to be a long drawn out process, so take your time about any decisions that need to be made. Id recommend confiding in an old and sensible friend that you can trust, just so you and DH have a sounding board when you need one.

MrsSchadenfreude · 14/01/2011 14:23

I think the best thing that has come of this is clearly how much your parents did love you. And words really fail me on your aunt and uncle's behaviour. I hope that they have enough assets to recompense for their behaviour over the past 23 years. Although I think prison and homelessness are really quite a sweet outcome for them for their behaviour.

It must have been lovely to see the house again, and to see your room as it was. Smile

legaleagle2 · 14/01/2011 16:15

I expect your legal representative has already said this to you but I strongly suggest that your Aunt and Uncle should not allowed to remove anything from your house unless and until they can prove it was paid for using their own money rather than yours.

I can see no good reason why your Aunt and Uncle should still be in your house. Assuming of course that both parties have agreed that the house is indeed yours. I gather that is indeed the case.

You will doubtless have been warned that all matters involving a case of this complexity and the police will take time. Lots of it. However you can be quite certain that all those involved will be relishing the task of getting you justice. You have my word on that.

The sums of money involved are likely to be very substantial and you would be well advised to take expert financial advice sooner rather than later.

I and my colleagues wish you well. You have certainly been the subject of much lunchtime conversation.

MrsSchadenfreude · 14/01/2011 18:41

When are they moving out? (I actually wanted to ask, WTF are they still doing there, but thought I would be polite for a change!)

bamboostalks · 14/01/2011 21:22

You sound the loveliest person, do not be too forgiving of these people, they should go to prison.

NonnoMum · 16/01/2011 13:57

How are you Zee? Hope you are allowing it all to sink in.

Original poster
zeebrugge · 16/01/2011 15:00

My husband has gone back to work now. He works 2 weeks on then one week off so I will have to manage on my own again. All day Friday I was hoping for a phone call to say when I could visit my house again. But nothing happened which was a pity.

But on Saturday I was told that I can visit the house again on Tuesday once Aunt and Uncle have moved out. They have "signed over" almost everything in the house to me. If it is in the house after 12 on Tuesday it is mine!

I am not allowed to know where they have gone. All I know is that they must report to a police station once a week and they have surrendered their passports. Perhaps the Police think they are going to run away?

I think my adopted Mum and Dad would be so cross if they knew what had happened but I am happy, in a crying sort of way, that they did really love me after all!!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 16/01/2011 15:05

Wow Zee I'm glad things have moved on quickly.

I'm very happy that you are really absorbing how much your parents loved you. I can so imagine how painful it must be to reconcile how abandoned you have felt in the past, with the injustice of having been denied what should have been, and now I don't know the guilt (?) for thinking that your parents didn't care.

Can I suggest that when you feel in a better place that you have some sort of party or celebration of yours and your parents life something to help draw a line under the cloud that have endured since Zeebrugge? I just think it would be a positive way to celebrate how much you and your parents loved each other. They would be so so so proud of you.

NonnoMum · 16/01/2011 19:52

Am amazed at you and your story.

I bet even if you found millions and millions of pounds, just knowing that they loved you and wanted the best for your future is even more priceless...

As for your aunt and uncle, gulp, can't imagine how they must be feeling now. Did they have kids themselves? (I am guessing NOT?) Do you have kids?

minipen · 17/01/2011 14:16

I am so pleased you have your house back, overwhelmingly I feel you should have someone with you to share in your memories and just listen to whatever you have to say, of course you have everyone here on MN and your husband when he is back. I think your Aunt and Uncle have shown how they can't be trusted which is why they have to keep reporting to the police.

In earlier posts someone mentioned disaster action, I think it was set up after the Zeebrugge disaster, I just wondered if you needed someone to talk to. You have been absolutley amazing with how you have dealt with everything, take care of you

Bideyin · 18/01/2011 10:22

Hope the house handover goes well today Z x

PaisleyLeaf · 18/01/2011 12:02

Have they gone?

(I'm not sure why they should get to decide what to leave in the house).

ensure · 18/01/2011 12:57

What an emotional story. I hope you are feeling ok, it sounds like it has been a shocking few weeks!

Original poster
zeebrugge · 18/01/2011 16:49

It has been a very strange day. My best friend of over 20 years came with me in her car to the house. My house. We picked up the keys from the solicitors and were allowed to spend as long as we wanted looking round it. There were some old looking things I remembered, like the piano (still out of tune). My bedroom looks almost identical and still had the same wall paper with a stain behind the headboard. The dining room table and sideboard were certainly Mum and Dads and so were some of the dishes and plates.

Lots of things I could not be certain about. It was all such a long time ago. I was brave today because I didn?t cry once and having my friend there helped me a lot.

I have got to see a special doctor tomorrow to help me talk though all the thoughts running around in my head. My GP sorted it out for me with a friend of his. I have to make a list of the happy thoughts like finding out that my Mum and Dad did love me after all. And the worst ones like when I was beaten with a strap at the fake foster home and what I think about my aunt and uncle. I am allowed to say everything I feel to this doctor. Even things my husband doesn?t know about.

I am running out of days to have off from my job which is difficult.

OP posts:
crystalglasses · 18/01/2011 17:06

This is such an exceptional time for you that surely most employers would understand.
Can you take some unpaid leave?

Are you going to move into your own home? Surely if it's yours you should have your own set of keys?

Horton · 18/01/2011 19:56

I bet your GP would sign you off for a few days, as needed, given what you've had to go through. Lovely to hear that you are in possession of your own home.

Interesting to hear about the fake foster home. Do you have confirmation of this?

CarGirl · 18/01/2011 20:48

I'm very glad to hear about you being able to spend time in your home again. Please ask your gp to sign you off, you have been through a huge emotional event in a very short period of time - it's great to hear that the gp has referred you already to some sort of therapist to help you through such overwhelming feelings.

NonnoMum · 18/01/2011 22:15

Your GP sounds great to have got you that referral.
The police were good in recognising that something needed to be done.
Your (new) legal team sound on top of everything.
Your DH sounds fab.
Your bessie mate is obviously a trouper.

And your parents were fanBLOODYtastic for loving you, loving you, loving you and providing for your future.

(No words for aunt and uncle - you can let rip with the therapist)

Well done. Keep strong. Think about the years ahead of you with DH by your side. Wink

MrsSchadenfreude · 20/01/2011 07:30

Wow, Zee! All this in less than a month! Can you not ask for some special leave (unpaid if necessary) from your job? I still can't get over how evil your aunt and uncle have been to you.

bamboostalks · 21/01/2011 08:24

Any news Zee? have been thinking of your incredible story. Hope the therapist has been helpful.

Original poster
zeebrugge · 21/01/2011 16:21

I talked for a long time to the special type of doctor. All the different feelings in my head just came out in a jumbled mess. Things I have never said before. Horrible things. Anger mainly about my aunt and uncle and their friend who was supposed to be looking after me. Their friend who stole half my wages and who hit me for keeping my Christmas bonus. Anger about how hard my DH has had to work to support us when all the time Aunt and Uncle were stealing my money and our money. How my chances of a good job and a career were stolen when I was made to leave school. I used to be nearly top the class. Now my brains are just mush from not being used. How ashamed I feel at been cheated by these people. What could I do? I was young, no parents, no one to help. Just the twig lashed across the back of my legs if I complained.

But, but, but. From Monday I can live in my proper home for the first time. All the time if I want. And I do, so much. We are giving the months notice on our rented house. The first lot of compensation should be in the bank by then. I am not allowed to say how much except it would be more than DH earns in 6 years!

What do I want to do most? I want to take my DH on a holiday and I want to go to the local college to learn to use my brain again. And I want to see Aunt and Uncle sent away for ever but that is a bad wish I know!

OP posts:
Resolution · 21/01/2011 17:06

Sometimes people need to be punished. The desire for justice is not a bad wish.

Sounds like you're going to literally feel right at home.

coldtits · 21/01/2011 17:40

Oh how WONDERFUL for you that you have your house back, and you now have the knowledge that your parents loved you entirely.

prh47bridge · 21/01/2011 19:37

You have been cheated by these people. They have stolen your money and your life.Now it is time for you to claim something back. And they should be punished for what they did.

Swipe left for the next trending thread