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Legal matters

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Original poster

Adoption, fostering and a bit complex!

465 replies

zeebrugge · 29/12/2010 18:32

I was adopted as a baby in 1971 and lived with my adopted parents until March 1987 when they were both drowned in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster. I was put in short term foster care and then long term foster care until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I was allowed to visit my former home, on the day after the funeral, to collect my belongings but never stayed there again. When my aunt and uncle came back from Denver in 1989 they lived there for a while.

Now I can sort of understand why I wasn't in the will, being adopted rather than a birth child. But as somebody told me over Christmas, and why I am writing, surely I was left something. Did I really matter so little.

OP posts:
Horton · 08/01/2011 17:01

I would love to hear about everything that's happened once you are able to tell us, after the legal stuff is out of the way. I am also really happy to hear that you have a good and kind DH to look after you. I bet he is spitting mad.

Would you want to move back into the house? I imagine that would feel pretty weird. Even if you don't, I expect selling it would set you up nicely for the future. Nice to know that you can soon go there and remember the good times and the love your parents had for you, though.

Wishing you all the very best. I do hope you will continue to let us know how you are doing.

Horton · 08/01/2011 17:04

Also, you know, your aunt and uncle may not have strictly speaking stolen the house. I mean, they are not the owners. I bet they would be if they could have managed it, though. Thank goodness your parents left proper wills.

NonnoMum · 08/01/2011 17:06

Agree with Portofino that maybe you should ask for this thread to be deleted whilst there is a police investigation going on.
Glad things seem to be going well for you. Glad your DH understands how nosy supportive MNers can be!
But do come back and tell us about everything once this has been concluded. (Unless we read about it in the press!)
Good luck and stay strong.

Portofino · 08/01/2011 17:37

Horton - yes after 23 years, I bet they thought they had got away with it! 23 years of rent free living, and an "allowance" - though I understand they weren't there the whole time..... I would love to be a fly on the wall in that house now!

But at the end of the day, money is money. At least there is still a house, but you can't erase 23 years of positively criminal negligence/behaviour towards the OP.

melezka · 08/01/2011 18:04

Legal people - if the police are involved will that necessarily make it a criminal investigation? And does that mean Z will not be in charge of choosing representation? Or does she still?

CarGirl · 08/01/2011 18:12

Why don't you ask MN towers to move this thread to "off the beaten track" where it can't be picked up by googling and non-members.

I can't believe your A & U thought it may be theres when the will was so clear in the first place Hmm

legaleagle2 · 08/01/2011 18:15

This is what my dear daughter would good "big league stuff".

The police have massive resources and many staff with lots of experience at getting to the bottom of even the most complicated crimes. I don't think her own solicitor will have too much to do at present.

I would not imagine that any thread on Mumsnet will influence any investigation and it might prove a learning experience for us all. I for one have checked and double checked my will.

Portofino · 08/01/2011 18:21

Zeebrugge was seriously let down by the professionals involved here. It is so sad.

melezka · 08/01/2011 18:21

Agree legal - and oh how I wish I was on mn a few years ago. The education is priceless.

Milngavie · 08/01/2011 18:28

Zee has heard the words Police bail which could mean that the Police have done something?

Zee I keep thinking of you, stay strong x

Jux · 08/01/2011 21:10

Who was living in the house when they weren't. Was it being rented out? If so, what has happened to that money?

troylawyer · 08/01/2011 21:12

If the aunt and uncle are on police bail, it means that they have probably been arrested and interviewed and then told to come back to the police station at a date in the future pending further enquiries. If they are charged with a criminal offence, Zeebrugge's interests will be represented by the Crown Prosecution Service and she will be a poetntial witness in any future trial, unless they plead guilty in which case there would be no trial.

As I indicated in a previous post, the criminal aspects of this are only one issue and Zeebrugge will be able to choose her own representation in relation to any other issues that arise. If the aunt and uncle are convicted of a crime, it will make it much easier for her to prove other aspects as the standard of proof in a criminal case is higher than in civil proceedings (beyond a reasonable doubt as opposed to a balance of probabilities). Now that the police appear to be involved, I would suggest that Zeebrugge can focus now on the other claims that she has and in particular, the role of the local authority in all of this which prima facie (on the face of it) seems to have been grossly negligent.

It is great that significant progress seems to be happening now so very best of luck over these next few weeks.

clumsymumluckybaby · 09/01/2011 00:20

i have been following this from the very start,but i have had nothing useful to say.
it has made me well up several times.

i just wanted to tell you how pleased i am that you now know the truth,your parents meant for you to stay in your home,be loved and looked after by family and set up for life in terms of money.

what your aunt and uncle did is beyond words.i cannot believe they could be so cruel.

but at least you know the truth now.

your parents loved you very very much.Smile

nymphadora · 09/01/2011 12:04

I agree with trylawyer. Look into the LAs part in the situation. Were they officially involved? Get your file, find out if FC were official & therefore shouldn't have been taking your wages.

MrsSchadenfreude · 09/01/2011 16:14

What a week you have had! This is MN at its best - you've had some fantastic advice here.

I hope your aunt and uncles are really shitting themselves now. They must have thought after 23 years that they had got away with all this.

If you do delete this thread, please come back and let us know how you get on. Smile

broughthimroundtotheidea · 09/01/2011 16:53

My goodness this is astounding!!! I am so angry for you, the bit that makes my blood boil the most, is that they took that money and then put you into foster care!! Then paid themselves an allowance for 23 years!?!

Well done for challenging all this and I truelly hope it is all over swiftly for you.

Lets hope Karma is watching......

catinthehat2 · 09/01/2011 23:27

What an incredible tale!

Batteryhuman · 10/01/2011 19:48

An amazing story. I am so sad for all Zeebrugge has gone through but as Clumsymum said above you now know that your parents loved you very very much.

Well done to all on this thread for the support and sound advice you have given. This thread will remain in my mind for a long time. All hail the collective power of Mumsnet

CarGirl · 11/01/2011 18:12

Still thinking of you, hope you are getting plenty of real life support x

Original poster
zeebrugge · 13/01/2011 16:44

I was able to visit my house today for the first time since just after my Mum and Dad died in 1987. It felt very strange, I was sad and happy at the same time. My husband had never even seen the house before.

The two lots of solicitors and the police all agreed that It was OK for us to go today. Aunt and Uncle had to go out for the morning so I don?t meet them. There were some things I remembered. My old bedroom looks the same and still had the same wall paper. Some of the furniture like the dining room table and sideboard were Mum and Dads so I supposed they are mine now. My old bike was in the garden shed, very rusty now. The next door neighbours are the same but they just waved at me because they might be witnesses and so I cannot speak to them about what has happened.

The two lots of solicitors just sat on the sofa and stared at each other while I wondered round so I could not stay too long.

Since I last wrote I have had to make a very, very long statement to the police which took nearly three hours including a short tea break. I think this is only about the third time I can remember ever going to a police station. It was a bit like being in ?The Bill?.

Aunt and Uncle are busy ?liquefying assets? (another new phrase I have learned) because they are going to give me a big cheque as an ?interim payment? (second new phrase I have learned) in partial mitigation (third new phrase I have learned). I don?t know how much this might be.

OP posts:
Batteryhuman · 13/01/2011 16:58

Wow Zeebrugge what an emotional rollercoaster for you.

Sounds like your aunt and uncle are trying to avoid going to prison though the scale of what they have done to you is quite astounding.

I so admire your sense of humour through all this and hope you can continue to process all this in the way you appear to have started. No doubt there are more revelations to come. Good luck to you and your DH.

prh47bridge · 13/01/2011 17:20

Yes, it is all yours and has been all along. The house, your parent's furniture, your bike - everything.

I am not surprised at what aunt and uncle are doing. They seem to be following Legaleagle's advice! I hope they have enough assets to make good all your losses but, after 23 years of paying themselves an allowance out of your money and living in your house, I have my doubts.

I hope the police and/or your solicitors will be investigating the family solicitor's comment that the tax (presumably on the estate) was lower than he expected. That may be innocent but it may be another indicator of your parent's estate being plundered. The fact that there were no papers relating to the granting of probate is also worrying but I expect someone has looked into that by now. And I know I keep banging on about this but I hope someone is going to look into what happened about life insurances, pensions, compensation from P&O, payouts from the public appeal, etc. Finally, I hope your solicitors are doing a good job of looking into what claims you may have against people other than your aunt and uncle.

But my main thought is how glad I am that you have finally been able to visit your house for the first time in 23 years and that your aunt and uncle will soon be out of there.

LadyBiscuit · 13/01/2011 17:37

I cannot believe this - what a pair of evil bastards. I hope they get sent to prison for allowing you to spend 23 years of your life feeling that your parents didn't love you, regardless of the financial stuff.

I think you're amazing and hope you have the strength to pursue them to the ends of the earth for the loss and pain they have subjected you to.

I am so glad you've had such great advice on this thread.

NonnoMum · 13/01/2011 18:15

Thank you for the update, Zee. You sound so incredibly calm - what an amazing woman you must be.

So, what are you thinking? Live there or possibly sell up? Whatever you decide, take your time...

CarGirl · 13/01/2011 18:56

I'm so glad to read that some of your parents possession and your room are there/much the same. Hopefully the house will soon be vacant and you can enjoy it as and when you like and enjoy all the happy memories.