Adoption, fostering and a bit complex!

[zeebrugge]

I was adopted as a baby in 1971 and lived with my adopted parents until March 1987 when they were both drowned in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster. I was put in short term foster care and then long term foster care until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I was allowed to visit my former home, on the day after the funeral, to collect my belongings but never stayed there again. When my aunt and uncle came back from Denver in 1989 they lived there for a while.

Now I can sort of understand why I wasn't in the will, being adopted rather than a birth child. But as somebody told me over Christmas, and why I am writing, surely I was left something. Did I really matter so little.

Zeebrugge - do you have anyone supportive in real life who could go with you to these appointments (could your DH if he is on-shore)? It sounds like a lot to be going through on your own, when it is such an emotional thing to be dealing with, but also lots of new information to take in.

zeebrugge, what a day you have had. In good news you have photos and mementos of your parents, and the knowledge that they did try to provide for you in the event of their deaths. That must be such a relief for you.

In the bad news, it would seem you have been the deception of an appalling fraud at the most vulnerable time in your life, by the very people chosen by your parents to care for you should anything happen to them. How appalling for you.

On a practical note, would you like to combine your two threads so that you don't have to post twice? Just repoint posters from one to the other, I'll do it for you if you like.

As others have said, you are going to need specialist help, and I don't doubt that you will find lawyers willing to help you pro bono under the circumstances. You do need people to talk to in real life as well, what a huge amount to take in after so long.

Wishing you all the very best, and I hope that eventually justice will be done. You and your parents deserve nothing less.

Just wanted to say, zeebrugge, I think you are very very brave to be taking this action now, especially after all that you've been through. My heart goes out to you. I really hope it all works out in the best possible way for you. I think your parents would be very proud of what you are doing now (I know I would be if it was my daughter), they would have wanted nothing less.

What Horton says. And do you have a good support network of RL friends who can help you with this - eg someone who could take notes when you go and see the solicitor?

Zeebrugge, what can I say?

Looking back at this very long thread, I realise that I was the second poster to respond to your original message an hour and a half after your original post and that seems a very long time ago now, and yet only a week has elapsed. I answered your original message as my field as a solicitor is children in care and adoption work but I had no idea that this discussion would take us all on such an incredible journey. In 23 years of practice, I don't think I have encountered a set of facts like this.

Like many of the lawyers who have contributed to this debate, I have voiced my concerns about the conduct of the solicitor who drafted the original wills but it would appear that today he has realised that there is a major problem here and he has appropriately referred you elsewhere. I am pleased that you seem to have stumbled across a good example of a member of our profession but I would again raise a word of caution if I may. You have referred to a "family solicitor" but I would suggest that this is not a matter of family law as such, even though it relates to your family. It is a mixture of probate, negligence, crime and possibly breach of statutory duty (by the local authority) and you need to make sure that your representatives have expertise in each area. Unless you have consulted with a fairly substantial firm that has a number of different departments that can cover each aspect, you are likely to need to consult with different people in relation to each area of expertise. Please do not presume that your well meaning solicitor who has helped you today is competent to deal with each of these specialist areas and ask them to be clear with you about what their expertise is. Do not be afraid to ask one of us if you have covered all bases and if your solicitor is a goodie, they should be willing to assist you by steering you in the right direction if there are aspects that they cannot deal with themselves.

I would also respectfully agree with the suggestion that you can do a lot worse than print off this thread and show it to your solicitor in case there are aspects that you need help explaining. Another word of caution is that although we all feel quite emotional about your experience and rightly so, the solicitor's task is to unravel the facts and gather the evidence and not get carried away by the emotion. My worry is that some of the heartfelt and well meaning posts on here have lapsed into the territory of speculation about what has gone on, and while some of the theories put forward may turn out to be correct, at this stage they may actually only serve to confuse you in trying to make sense of all of this. A balanced and measured approach is required and perhaps a degree of restraint would actually be more helpful and I hope that no one is offended by that observation.

All in all, I hope that you feel supported Zeebrugge and good luck with the next stage of this amazing journey.

TroyLawyer- that really was an excellent post
Zebrugge- I have only just come across this thread and am amazed at your strength. I am so happy for you that the truth has at last come out and hope that the rest of the process does not prove too stressful for you.

You are a daughter to be proud of

How are you Zee? Still thinking of you. Glad there is some brilliant legal advice on here - hope you have some RL support.
Let us know how you are, even if it's just a quick post...

I am sitting her weeping. The lad two doors down managed to transfer a cassette of my Mum and Dad talking about how I came to be adopted onto a CD. I have not heard their voices since 1987!

I cannot talk to my husband yet. His job is quite dangerous and if he is distracted by worrying about me he might have an accident.

I feel like my Aunt and Uncle stole everything from me. For years I was left thinking that my Mum and Dad had not cared about me just so Aunt and Uncle could rob me. It is not right!

My goodness me, Zeebrugge! I have just caught up with this thread and am speechless and SOOO on your behalf!

I was born and brought up in Dover, so remember the tragedy and aftermath of the Herald disaster very clearly. I am so sorry for the loss of your parents, and glad you {finally} have your box of photos.

I have no legal expertise, but it sounds like you are getting some great advice here. I hope the Police will be taking some speedy action!

Do you have anyone who can come round and sit with you/give you a hug/support you with this whilst your DH is away. I would if I was anywhere nearby!

I am still that these evil, heartless bastards have got away with this for so long!

Excellent news about the cassette.

Agree with Troylawyer that, although this is all about your family, it isn't family law. A solicitor who specialises in family law will primarily deal with divorce, child contact and related matters. Troylawyer's list of specialities sounds about right to me. I hope you end up with a great legal team sorting this out for you.

There is still a lot of work to do to determine what has been lost and who is culpable. But this isn't just about money. You have had 23 years of thinking that your parents didn't care about you. Nothing can ever fully recompense you for that.

My thoughts are with you.

Wow - that's amazing to have sound recordings of their voices.
Is there anyone else you could talk to (appreciate you DH is away) - How about the people you saw over Christmas who originally suggested that you might (indeed?!) be entitled to something? Were they close friends?
Where abouts are you? You might find there are some MNers who could pop over to see you??

Just to add my tuppence worth....

It sounds as if they were acting as trustees initially - as you were under 18 when your parents died the house would have to have been conveyed to trustees to hold on your behalf.

If they have had access to your inheritance that will have been as trustees.

There are strict rules governing what they can and cannot take for.

They were under a duty to manage the house for your benefit - that means either having you live in it, or renting it out to earn an income for you. Living there themselves is a breach of this duty. Paying for the upkeep of the house may be allowed, eg if it is to repair a roof, but you should hold them to account for all items of expenditure. They should be asked to produce trust accounts from the time when the took control of your assets.

One thing they absolutely cannot do is pay themselves an allowance. That is theft.

To sum up therefore, I think you have the following claims:

1. repayment of the allowance they paid themselves.
2. repayment of money spent on the house that does not constitute valid upkeep, or which cannot be satisfactorily explained as such.
3. Damages for breach of trust, in their failure to let out the property to produce an income for you.

Good luck.

Much good advice has been offered here and as far as I can see it has been acted upon. It think this reflects much credit on all concerned.

I suspect that OP might have been advised (by her legal team and/or the police) to exercise some caution in what she now posts here.

The post by Resolution identifies some, but by no mean all, of the issues facing your aunt and uncle.

Do you think that perhaps you should get your threads pulled. Best of luck btw.

Hope you are OK Zeebrugge, you must have had such an emotional day! ((((hugs)))))

Have been thinking about you all day too.

Oh good luck Zeebrugge. It is an awful blow to discover that one's relatives have been cheating all along, and to such a great extent.

It is so good that you now have pictures and that beautiful recording, and most of all, the knowledge that they were thinking of you, that they did love you and that they did make provision for you. That knowledge can serve to wrap you up in a soft warm blanket of love, and empower to see that their wishes are carried out and that justice is done.

All the best. xxx

(and do come back and let us know when you can; no one will be able to forget this)

Z please take advantage of the advice troy has given you. Much harm could be done at this stage by a lawyer without the necessary specialist knowledge. Whoever you choose please be as sure as you can that they know the law around these issues inside out and have all the relevant experience.

(Speaking as someone who wishes she had done this)

Hardly ever post but no one could read this thread and not post, what an incredible experience. No expert advice although really impressed with all the advice so far.

I really feel for you. This is an amazing story, you sound a lovely person. Wishing you the very best outcome.

How are you now?

My Husband is back with me and he was very surprised at all that has happened. He is proud of me which makes me feel happy. I have shown him the photos. He liked that because he had never seen me as a baby. He is very angry about what has happened to me but now likes Mumsnet readers because they helped me so much.

I can only write a little bit of what has happened. I think the police have to do most of the actual investigating now. My solicitor and aunt and uncles solicitor have looked at all the official records and the house is really mine. Not even a bit theirs. So they didn't steal it, just borrowed it as somebody said to us.

They have agreed to or got (not clear which) move out of the house in 28 days. It all seems very complex but I think I could move in then if I want.

I am making a list of all the funny legal words I have heard used. The latest two bits were prima facie evidence and police bail. I even know what the first one means because I asked.

Oh great news Zeebrugge! I am sure you can't go into too many details on here - if there is an active police investigation, maybe you should ask for the thread to be deleted.

I hope that you will get everything that your parents left to you (and that the nasty relatives haven't plundered too much.)

Please come back and let us know how you are doing though!

Just a thought, presumably there was furniture and your/your parents personal possessions in the house.....I hope they are still there!

Oh, how exciting for you to be able to move back in- are you going to? :)