Adoption, fostering and a bit complex!

[zeebrugge]

I was adopted as a baby in 1971 and lived with my adopted parents until March 1987 when they were both drowned in the Zeebrugge Ferry disaster. I was put in short term foster care and then long term foster care until I timed out on my 18th birthday.

I was allowed to visit my former home, on the day after the funeral, to collect my belongings but never stayed there again. When my aunt and uncle came back from Denver in 1989 they lived there for a while.

Now I can sort of understand why I wasn't in the will, being adopted rather than a birth child. But as somebody told me over Christmas, and why I am writing, surely I was left something. Did I really matter so little.

From a statement made by the secretary of state after the disaster:

I understand that P&O has announced today that it has set aside £250,000 to meet the immediate personal needs of those in distress following the tragedy. This fund will be handled by the Townsend Thoresen office in Dover. The company will also be advertising in the national press tomorrow with details of the central point for claims. I have its assurance that all claims will be dealt with as quickly as possible.

On the initiative of Dover district council, a Channel ferry disaster fund has been established to assist the victims and their relatives. This will not affect claims for compensation. The Government will contribute £1 million to the fund. Parliamentary approval to this payment will be sought in a supplementary Supply Estimate for the transport services and central administration vote. Pending that approval, the £1 million donation will be met by a repayable advance from the contingencies fund.

From another document about disaster funds:

The Channel Ferry Disaster Fund

It was therefore decided that initial
payments should be made quickly to all concerned, followed by further payments
to those in need. Almost £750,000 was paid out within six weeks of the disaster,
with some £1,100,000 paid out within ten weeks. Nearly £6 million was eventually
distributed within a year of the disaster.

So to summarise. A 16 year old girl loses both her parents. Despite being paid a significant sum to look after their niece her aunt and uncle put her into a foster home where she is subjected to some moderate physical abuse and is also made to hand over half her wages. Meanwhile her aunt and uncle live rent free in the family home and, not content with that, they also pay themselves an allowance out of the estate.

Over the years I have met some nasty people. Indeed I have been to obliged to represent some in Court. For sheer calculated greed and nastiness this is probably the worst I can bring to mind.

Do you know what makes me most cross? It is the fact that the OP went all these years thinking the parents didn't care about her and had left her nothing!

I am fuming, sorry!

legaleagle that is the bit that concerns me the most too. Imagine loosing both parents and then being treated like old rubbish, what other conculsion would a 16 year old come to apart from "they didn't care". You have no one to confirm that they did care, with. If one parent dies you get confirmation from the other that you are/were loved.
zeebrugge has gone through most of her adult life with these negative thoughts.
As another poster said I hope she has found love, happy and success since then to make up for the hurt.

I have had a frightening day. I went to the solicitors to pick up the photos of my Mum and Dad and they were really funny with me. They gave me the box, told me the letter was inside and then it felt they were wanting me to leave. It was raining and I wanted to look at the pictures but didn?t want them to get wet. In the end I found a seat in a shopping centre. It was lovely to see different photos of Mum and Dad with me as a baby and as I grew up. The one that made me saddest was one taken just a few weeks before they got drowned.

I remembered what people had said about getting my own solicitor so I walked through the town until I found one that said they did family law. I explained to the lady on the desk, then again to a middle aged man, then again to this mans brother who does major trials in London. The new solicitor said did I want to go to the police station to make a complaint. When I said yes he phoned them and spoke to somebody he knew.

When we got there I had to explain everything again. Then it was all written down and I had to sign each page. All this took ages. I think the policeman was getting quite cross. Not with me but what had happened to me.

I was getting quite frightened by now because I know that solicitors cost a lot of money. But he said there would be a queue of people a mile long wanting to do this case pro bono. Anyway he then took me back to the bus station and I came home with all my lovely photos.

As several other posters have said, I have found what has happened to you to be deeply affecting. Well done for finding a new solicitor and for talking to the police. This must be a real rollercoaster of a week, I hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that you were loved and provided for, it's just so sad you were cheated of it all.

How special to finally see all those photos too. Do you have someone at home who can look after you tonight? Sounds like you're in need of a little tlc.

I have just read all of this and am so so sorry for what you have gone through. I'm really pleased that you are pursuing this and hope that you get both some answers and some personal satisfaction out of the process. It must be nice to know that your parents did love you and did leave you their possessions and did try to make provision for your future. Wishing you all the very best, and I hope the court case is not too traumatic for you.

zeebrugge - I have read your story with mounting horror.

I am a retired solicitor. It is essential that you get good professional advice. You have consulted a different solicitor - I hope they are real specialists. This will be an action against your aunt and uncle for breach of trust/fraud and a professional negligence action against your parents' solicitor.

Make sure your new solicitor is well qualified for this - you should have someone experienced in these sorts of cases. They should also explain clearly the basis of how the case will be paid for.

The Law Society website has a list of specialist solicitors.

It might be a good idea to print off this thread to show the police/your new solicitor.

The very best of luck - sometimes I am so ashamed of the behaviour of some of my former profession. You were a vulnerable young person and no-one bothered to look out for you.

Just remember - your mum and dad really wanted the best for you and wanted you to be looked after. They loved you and had no idea your aunt and uncle would turn out like this.

I think I suggested it nearer the beginning of the thread but I would ask your gp to refer your for some sort of counselling/therapy as I think you will need some impartial emotional support through this.

It's as though everything you have felt/though has been pissed on. I hope it's a real comfort to you that you now know about a shred of evidence how much your parents loved you and thought of you and had provided for your future.

Well done for going to the police & new solicitor.
I have just Cried at thethought of you sitting there alone looking at the pictures.

As jacksgrannie has posted it's great that you've got the ball rolling but yes find a specialist to help sort this mess out, you could ask your new solicitor to help find you someone who is prepared to do this pro bono.

Perhaps someone can clarify but I should think the professional association will have some sort of insurance and if the original solicitor is found guilty then the insurance will cover the costs????

me too nymphadora a little lone figure sitting a bench with everything they hold dear in a box. Obviously looking at those memories gave th OP the courage to take the action she has today.

CarGirl - yes, the negligent solicitors will have professional insurance to cover the action against themselves.

The reason they were so strange today with zeebrugge is that they realise they have seriously messed up.

Whilst they will not have to pay the damages, their insurance premium is likely to be affected for years to come.

Thinking of you Zee. Glad you got to see some happy memories and glad you are realising that you mum and dad did want to look after you after they went, but unfortunately, the greed of the living has taken away what it rightfully yours.
Been thinking of you all day.
Tell us a bit about you, if you don't mind. Do you have children of your own? I'm guessing you are in your 40s now. How old were you when you were adopted? Did you look super-cute in the photos? And did your Mum and Dad look super-pleased to have you? Think of the joy you brought them.

This will be sorted out.

We're all here for you, and if we were lawyers, we'd be fighting a path to your door to offer you the best possible advice.

Zee something that makes me sad is that I'd noticed your name on the board before and often wondered why anyone would use it because I thought to myself the only think I link with zeebrugge is the disaster, thought it was strange I was born in '72 so remember it quite vividly as it was a journey we often make on holiday.

Hope you are okay I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

zeebrugge, whatever happens in the next few months or years, you can now hold something close to your heart - you were loved!

your parents tried to ensure that if anything happened to them, you would be taken care of. SO much so that they made wills regularly. The fault lies not with their love for you, but with the people assigned to take care of you.

I hope you are gorging yourself on family photos right now, and basking in the love you will see there.

This is so awful - so pleased you have your photos. Just keep going now ok. You have been robbed and your parents robbed - of all the things they wanted for your life. You have a right to get back what you can.

Hey zeebrugge, I've been lurking on this thread, I was also adopted and we must be a similar age, I have spent the day with my parents and I feel so fortunate to have them. I'm not very good at expressing this sort of thing but your parents must have loved you so very much, adopted children are so very precious and wanted. I cannot imagine losing them at such a tough age, IIRC I was an arsey teenage girl and didn't appreciate my parents until I was in my 20's. Just know that you would have been loved and wanted and as much their child as any born to them in their eyes AND those of the law. Good luck sorting this all out. I imagine you have a very good case. (And karma, or whatever you want to call it will come around and bite your aunt and uncle on the arse if there is any justice in this world!)

I've been sitting in my little house looking at all my pictures. It has been a lovely time for me although I have cried quite a lot as well. Sometimes I can almost hear their voices again as I look at the pictures.

I expect Aunt and Uncle are sitting in (my?) big house very worried about what is going to happen. I don't expect they know I have been to the police.

My husband gets back on Saturday. He works 2 weeks on and 1 week off. I have not told him all that has gone on yet as I don't want him to be worrying all the time.

I'm glad you can enjoy the memories through the tears, I've shed a couple reading this thread. I don't know how you feel towards your aunt and uncle but can I hate them with pure rage on your behalf for a while? They will be worrying themselves silly at the moment whilst you are basking in the warm glow of lovely memories.

You have to post on Saturday, I can't wait to hear DH's reaction, he'll be gobsmacked!

If I was defending your aunt and uncle what would I do in a, probably vain, attempt to avoid them being given a fairly substantial prison term?

The first thing I would do is to get them to move out of your house. And to do so with all possible speed.

I would also get them to make you an interim (NB) cash payment. I suggest that the correlation between the size of this payment and the chance of them avoiding prison is close to +1. In other words the more the better.

Unless of course they choose to deny the charges.

Colleagues with specialised knowledge of serious crime might have a different perspective. I plead guilty to having become emotionally involved in this thread.