Getting about with sooo many????

[Zola78]

I feeling really down today. I have four children my eldest is 5, ds2 4, ds3 2 and dd 5 months. My eldest has a play date and so I asked a friend if she could look after ds 2 & 3 (dd is still breastfed so I would have to take her). My friend said that she would take ds2 but ds3 is "likely to be a problem if someone's not sharing with him". I'm so hurt ds3 is a difficult child at the moment but no more difficult than her children. I feel that ...I don't know really. I'm just hurt! My friend's children aren't a walk in the park but ds3's cry is louder which I fully acknowledge. Furthermore, we (my friend and I) have mutual friends with children that are more difficult and she has looked after them so what's the difference.

I'm gutted! Has this ever happened to anyone?

Ah he's only a baby himself, can he not stay with you too ?

It is so hard organising everyone's social life but I never left mine with anyone at all, if that meant they missed out so be it, or people come to play at my house.

Where is the playdate?
Could you take them all with you?
Could a friend take your 5yo to the playdate?
Could dc friend come to your house?
If none of the above I would probably pass on the playdate.

Just want to send you my sympathy - I can remember so clearly being in exactly your situation. My ds (dc3) was often the recipient of similarly unhelpful comments from 'friends' - who usually had only 2 or 3 and no tiny baby. Used to leave me feeling so down. Never mind - mine are all in high school now and the four most wonderful people you could share your life with.

I would take ds3 with you - leaving your ds2 behind will instantly change the dynamic (I used to find this with my own little tribe) and ds3 will probably feel like a very big boy going on a visit with mummy to ds1's friends house. Maybe take a special activity for him to do at your house?

The playdate mother will prob be very kind and offer him a dvd to watch or something anyway so she can chat to you!

I only have 3 myself, but all my friends seem to have large families. One with 7 kids two lots with 5 each and half a dozen with 4.

So seeing it from a friends point of view my invite is never for a particular child more of a 'come over to play' for everybody