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Original poster

Age gaps. Is this too big???

27 replies

memoo · 16/10/2008 20:19

Have DD nearly 10 and DS nearly 8 and DP and I are hoping for a new baby, is 8 years too large an age gap?

there is only 22 months between DD and DS so basically had 2 babies very quickly.

I'm just wondering what this is going to be like, will it be easier having kids that are older or will it be like starting all over again?

Also this time I'm 34 whereas I was in my early 20's with the first 2.

Lots of questions!

Think I am pregnant (planned) and have got that OMG what have we done feeling!

OP posts:

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GrimmaTheNome · 16/10/2008 20:22

my big bros are 6.5 and 9 years older than me and it was great. Depends what your kids are like I guess - my bros are lovely

Original poster

memoo · 16/10/2008 20:24

Thanks grimma! my DC love babies, especially DS, he's says he will get up in the night when the baby cries!

OP posts:

random · 16/10/2008 20:26

I had 2 dds in my 20s ..then a surprise ds when I was 33 ..there was a 9 year age gap between youngest dd and ds ..worked out really well although ds a bit like an only child when dds left home but they all get on really well ..ds spoiled by his older sisters altho he is 16 now and taller then both of them

FangolinaJolly · 16/10/2008 20:27

My youngest brother (Now 22) was a bit of an "accident".Mum was 36 at the time.There is 14 years between us and I have a db who is 2 years younger than me.

My mum says it was a bit of a nightmare because of all our differing needs-2 teenagers and a little un.BUT he is a very lovely young man now,and is definitely the closest to mum..Part of the prob was Mum was dx with a neromuscular illness after db born and he was a crappy sleeper until 3,so it was hard for her in the first few years..

She survived though!No way would I be without youngest db either.He is going to be the most sucessful of us all,is in final year of degree and predicted a first.Has far more about him than I had at his age

mosschops30 · 16/10/2008 20:28

8 years between dd and ds, and if I get pg again as planned there will be another 4.5 years between ds and next one.

Its great, they get on well, but still fight like proper siblings. Im glad I had a gap

debinaustria · 16/10/2008 20:38

ds1 is 8 and ds2 is 6(23 months apart), ds3 came along this year and is nearly 4 months old. The gap at the moment is great as ds1 and ds2 still have each other to play with so the jealousy thing isn't too bad, also you can explain things to them and they just adore the baby - just look at my profile of ds1 with ds3.

and congratulations!!!

wheniwasyoung · 16/10/2008 20:39

Too big for what?

I think too much is put on the right age gaps tbh and if you want to have more babies and can look after them well, why not.

deste · 17/10/2008 22:02

I had 8.5 years between mine and it was lovely. They never once argued. Her brother was so proud of her and still is. His girlfriend did not like it though, she was so jealous of their closeness. My DD was the centre of attention and used to entertain us non stop. She is now in the theatre.

missmama · 17/10/2008 22:16

DS1 is 10 1/2 and DS2 is 8. DS3 is due at Christmas.
I think that they are old enough to help out and understand, and quite expect my eldest to try to be a mini parent. And I wont be worried about them being jelous of the baby because all their needs will be so different.
One thing I forgot though was that DS1 has just had a sex ed video about how babies are made. So he is quite clued up and knows what questions to ask now

Dropdeadfred · 17/10/2008 22:25

my dds were 13 and 11 when dd3 was born...they loved it.
Sometimes it has been hard to see that the family has a natural divide (at 14 and 16 they no longer want to do toddler activities every weekend with us!!) But it has been great for all of us and revived our family I think. I am pg again right now and touch wood there would be a 4 yr gap between dd3 and the next one...

rachels103 · 17/10/2008 22:39

There is a gap of 16 years between me and my sister, and 18 years between me and my brother.

Families come in all shapes and sizes - my family is different from lots of other people I know (I was an auntie at 12 and obviously have a different sort of relationship with my siblings, although big sis and I are now quite close) but that doesn't mean it's any better or worse.

Go for it and good luck! At least you won't be looked at like you're a loon for having a baby in your 30s - my mum was 42 when she had me and it was almost unheard of in those days.

GentleGarotter · 17/10/2008 22:45

We have a whopping 24 year gap between ds1 and ds2 but it works well.- the little one is adored and probably a bit spoiled by his siblings.
Good luck!

Kaplumbagadort · 17/10/2008 22:51

I am 30 and my youngest brother is 14!

sallystrawberry · 17/10/2008 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthernNell · 20/10/2008 12:18

we have a 2 yr gap between DD1 and DD2 then a four year gap to DS1 and another little gap to DD3 no probs while everyone was under about 12. Once the two older girls hit teens it was a bit like taking two families out, it just means a bit of lateral thinking to occupy everyone!

As to how they get on with each other...just depends who's hormones are raging!!

Like Rachel said families come in all shapes and sizes - whatever yours is will be 'normal'(who has this normal family? has anyone ever met them! Lol!)

NannyNanny · 20/10/2008 17:19

I have 3 older siblings and there is a 16 month gap between the oldest and the middle one. Then there is another 16 month gap between the middle one and the younger one. Then the gap to me is a 6 years.
I always felt it was me and 'them'. In fact it still is. Although we get on okay, they are still jealous that I was 'spoiled' and they were not.
It really doesn't matter about the age gap. It's just about how you treat your children. Remember that they are all equal. It doesn't matter who is the youngest or the oldest or how big the gap is.

filz · 20/10/2008 17:23

memoo, I had my first two in my early twenties 22 months apart and then my third 6 years after the second when I was 30.

It has all been beautiful

I look at my third and think i am the luckiest person alive and he wasnt even planned

pagwatch · 20/10/2008 17:26

MY DS1 is ten years oldfer than DD.
It has always been absoloutely wonderful. They love each other and are a total joy together....

Divvy · 20/10/2008 17:28

i have a 14 year gap, its fine

Cosette · 20/10/2008 17:28

I have DDs of 13 and 11 (20 month age gap), and DS of 2yrs - and it's working really well! Both girls are great with their little brother and he adores them.

As for me - it's so much easier this time round - with DD1 she was the first, so it was a real shock to the system, DD2 was very close in age, so it was hard work with 2 very small ones. Now the older 2 are pretty independent, and I know (mainly) what I'm doing, and I have lots of help.

brimfull · 20/10/2008 17:29

my dd was 11 when ds was born 6 yrs ago

they get along fine ,tis lovely to see them together and they get a lot out of each other

very handy for babysitting as well

it is like starting again and more tiring but you are young compared to me I was 40 when ds was born

dd was devastated when we told her as it was such a shock
she was embarassed as well and quite jealous until ds started to respond to her and she could appreciate playing with him

elkiedee · 20/10/2008 17:39

I have a brother and sister from my dad's second marriage who are 2.5 and 4.5 years younger than me. So I played with my sister (the older of the two) a lot when we were small and I went round to my dad's a couple of times a week.

Then my mum married again later and had babies who are 8 and 11 years younger. She would have been nearly 33 and then 36 when they were born. I could help take my brother for walks as a baby and to the cinema when he was about 4 - obviously yours can't babysit sole charge but they can be asked to help you, and I really enjoyed taking my brother to Saturday matinees and things.

In some ways there is a big age gap, I'd left home when they were in their teens. But when I was 23 and they were 15 and 12, I lived nearby in a room in a rented house, and used to visit a lot, and my brother got on very well with my then boyfriend and confided some of the problems with teenage boy stuff he was having - people younger than your parents but older than you can be really good for that. On balance it sounds like a good way to do it.

catweazle · 20/10/2008 18:05

My DCs were 21, 19, 17 and 15 when DD2 was born last year

Original poster

memoo · 20/10/2008 18:12

Thanks for all the replies,

I had my first two with 22 months of each other and that was hard. After reading some of your stories I am actually starting to feel like having such a big age gap will be a positive thing, the fact that my older DC will be able to help out is really good. Even if its just entertaining baby for 5 minutes while I have a shower.

OP posts:

filz · 21/10/2008 08:13

it is much easier

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