4 kids - how do you manage to work?

[LawdAMercy]

Before kids was FT, took a year off with each baby then back to work 3 days a week. Number 4 is now 2 and I haven’t worked properly for three years, apart from a few bits of tutoring here and there.

Im now applying for PT/20 hour roles and really nervous about how I’ll manage going back to work, especially as I’ve really enjoyed being off the youngest, in a way I didn’t/couldn’t with the others.

DH works long hours albeit good holiday entitlement. I guess I’m nervous about how I’ll manage the household stuff, the endless PE kits and cake sales and actually seeing the youngest.

Any hints/tips/experiences?!

I’ve got 3 and always worked FT because I was a single parent and needed the money. I didn’t bother with things like cake sales and the PTA comings and goings. I think you have to pick out what’s actually essential and what isn’t.

However, you can afford not to work and your DH agrees then don’t go back?

No advice but I’m keen to see what others suggest. I have three and work full time over four days. Would love a fourth but worried that work might implode.

I’ve got several friends with 3/4 children who work full time and I think when you are working full time you realise how little time these things actually take up. Bake sales?! I’m a teacher and my school has a bake sale once a year. Once every 365 days a parent has to remember to stick a couple of pounds in the children’s bag to buy cakes. School bags, PE kits and lunches organised the night before. Family calendar on kitchen wall. PTA is optional. I sometimes think people who have had extensive time off/in part time work kind of sum up “if you want something done ask a busy person to do it.”

I don't work, is the answer. My 4 are 19yo, 16yo, 10yo and 9yo. I study part time October to June with the OU. Something just for me. I just wouldn't manage to do a job as DH does shift work plus two youngest have additional needs.

Try out 20hrs per week and see how it goes. If need be, go down to 16hrs or wait a while until your youngest is school aged?

I always worked full time, albeit with two children but I’m guessing 20 hours with 4 is more than equivalent!

I think it’s really important to attend your children’s big events when parents are invited in - class open day, their play performances, sports day etc. The things they will remember if their friends have their parents there and they don’t.

There are lots of things you have to not do - I think my kids would have done more clubs/activities if we’d been able to
transport them. I couldn’t be on the PTA though I helped at weekend events. I had to buy cakes rather than make them. But you do the important stuff - reading with them etc.

And husband has to do more than he did when you were at home…

I have 4 and work 4 days in a relatively senior role. Oldest start Y2 tomorrow, middle one starts reception. We have never ending PTA stuff incl cake sales every bloody fortnight.

I am pretty organised/ on top of the admin but:

• everyone has enough uniform/ PE kit to get through the week with only one load of washing (if needed…)
• everything goes on the calendar the minute it is booked (middle dc has had 4 party invites already and hasn’t started school)
• I don’t bake for the cake sales. I see my contribution as spending money on buying cakes…
• I buy multiple bday cards and presents for the class parties
• I got in early and organised one class and the pre school leavers teacher gifts last term, so can rest easy and ignore all future requests for class reps etc
• I might be wrong but genuinely feel like I am super productive at work and get things done FAST.
• In terms of seeing dc, The oldest 3 will do one day of after school club, one day of grandparent pick up and DH and I will split the rest depending on work reqs. We will attempt to pick baby up on the way home from school a couple of days a week so we can see her
• I plan to take unpaid parental leave next summer to see all dc!

Having said all of that, I missed a pta event booking last year and felt like the worst mum ever, so definitely don’t have it all sorted!

waitingineonderland,golly, I haven't heard that expression in a long time,,"if you want something doing ask a busy person". When I had my second DC,a friend said "you won't be able to work now". I told her that wasn't an option. When they were born in the 70s, third DC early 80s, I was nursing NHS, maternity leave was 6 weeks after birth. I saved a bit of money so I could afford 3 months off. By the time I had number 3, the mortgage rate was 16%. It had gone up from 12% in 18 months. I had my hospital post,also worked a night in a nursing home, agency work and a cleaning job. Nasty,messy divorce,met DH number 2. He had no dc. baby number 4. I went back to work breast feeding the last 2. (said "don't put my on the kids ward because I will let down") I did start PT, evenings, twilight shifts, when DH was home from work. FT by the time she was one. We also had a big garden, quarter of an acre. Dogs,cats, chicken, rabbit. I am fussy,tidy. Toys went in a box and in the bedroom. I tidied before going to work, then left DH to it. Oldest DD had left home, but the following year,had my 1st dgc, so I'm looking after him. Then I ed up looking after a friend's 4 kids as well.DH got made redundant 5 times in 8 years,so hospital, nursing home, agency again! in the 90s, he could get another job quickly. Then df is terminally ill, I am doing an 80 mile round trip to look after him,on the days his third wife goes to look after her DM who is in her 90s. I did this after a 12 hour night shift. I worked nights for 30 years,no outside or family help, only child.We lived in quite a small cottage by then (100% endowment mortgage, forced downsize) it had to be kept tidy..By working nights, I was around if the dks got sick, never missed sports day,yup, I made the cakes.