I feel like I’m a failure

[Mummy621]

Hello everyone, please bare with me I’m shaking right now worried about sharing and people judging me, I’m a survivor of dv been out of the relationship for a year waiting on cps to decide if they will prosecute, I’m always trying to do my best for my children but I always feel it’s not good enough obviously because of the previous dv relationship I couldn’t give them everything I wanted but now I’m free I want to give them the best Christmas I can this year, does anyone have any good suggestions to buy the cheapest ps5. Laptop, android tablet, electric scooter and tv from? I know these may sound like extravagant gifts but my children have put these on their Santa list for the past 4 years but due to being in the relationship I had no access to the bank cards and stuff so wasn’t able to get them these gifts they’d ask for and they really are good kids so I really want to make sure they don’t feel disappointed again for another christmas, I honestly feel like my daughter hates me because I stayed in the relationship but I’m hoping as she gets older she will understand it wasn’t that easy for me to just leave, I’m sorry for rambling and I don’t even know if this makes any sense to people there’s so much more I want to say and speak to people about as I feel it will help me especially with my PTSD but I’m unsure if I have to create different post, thank you to anyone if I get any replies

Firstly, well done for escaping dv. 👏 Brilliant !

Next, don't put such a massive expectation on yourself. You can't possibly buy all of those things in one go and not land yourself with stupid debt. Your children will far rather have a cheerful mum who is not about to crack under the strain.

Also bear in mind electric scooters are illegal to use anywhere except private land, do you have a huge private estate? Police can confiscate them without question, and a cheap one could quite possibly set your house on fire.

Android tablets start at about £90 from Argos I think. Check gumtree or facebook for a s/h tv and a s/h laptop. What is the laptop for, chatting online?

Beyond that, I'd go for a relaxed Christmas where no-one will be fighting or tense. Lots of lovely food and spend the day in pjs chilling out. Have the best tree ever, and just enjoy being stress free.

Agree with pp! I am also a surviver of dv and my first year of leaving was the hardest while I tried to escape the grip of my abuser. We did a small Xmas and small birthdays while we got on our feet and honestly my kids were not upset and they were very grateful. The following year we did something big because I saved all year and I took the kids to an amusement park for the weekend around xmas. I think just get them some stuff they will like but it doesnt have to be big. Spend more on good food and maybe invite some friends and family over. Xmas is not about what's under the tree. Your kids will just appreciate the efforts you are going through to give them a good life everything else is a bonus.

No I definitely do not have a private estate 😂 the laptop is for my daughter who’s in year 11 and about to do her GCSE’s, honestly thought I’d never escape but I’m worried about this electric scooter business now lol xx

Here in australia we can pick up decent little note books that can be great for school work and running the schools programs and can usually pick one up brand new for under $500, there are also lay-by options if thats an option in the UK where you have the store hold it and you pay it off over a couple of weeks.

Well done for escaping DV but I can’t help thinking you’re focusing on the wrong things here. Your daughter might need a laptop for school (speak to her school to see if they can loan her one) but the other things seem excessive. I’d concentrate on good food and a lovely atmosphere with small presents. You must have lots of other expenses at the moment. Good luck.

Hello everyone,

As we usually do in these circumstances, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. Though, we strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

We've compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you have the loveliest Christmas and that your family is back on its feet as soon as possible. You've done well getting away, a peaceful day will be perfect. 💐

I know I’m not concentrating on the things everyone else would but I genuinely feel my kids have suffered alot and just trying to make things better maybe this isn’t the way to go about it but I can’t help feel like a failure for not leaving sooner

It doesnt matter how long it takes to leave all that matters is your out now, concentrate on building the better life you want for you and your kids and they will appreciate that more then anything. Give them your hard work, your sweat, blood and tears and all the love you can offer and everything else will be alright. Do you have access to something like marketplace? Ebay? Or buy swap sells sites? Any of those are good places to start to pick up the things you want to buy for your kids at cheaper costs.

If you have a phone contract with EE they do things like tablets, ipads, laptops, etc on pay monthly.

Why are parents still buying electric scooters for their children there is so much publicity about them being illegal and potentially dangerous?

You will probably be looking at £2000 upwards to get all of those at the one time.
Can you maybe focus on a smaller Xmas and think about their birthdays next year for those gifts?

@Mummy621 well done for getting out of that abusive situation. This is the biggest and most meaningful gift you could ever give your children!!

facebook marketplace, Vinted , CEX (electronic shop) etc might be good to get second hand large items.

re laptop… it’s worth speaking to your kids school to see if they have any ideas of pots of money that they could access for a laptop.

I would also ask their schools if they are doing ‘project Santa’ or other Christmas projects. These are great schemes that give Xmas gifts for families in difficulty (for lots of different reasons).

The best thing that you can give your dc this year is a safe, stress free Christmas. You are amazing, well done.

Don’t put pressure on yourself, it sounds like you have all been through enough.

Are you getting any support? (I don’t mean financially).

Amazon have tablets starting at £39.

You’re not a failure at all. DV chips away and your decision making. You can’t make up for the emotional pain to your kids with expensive presents. Just give them a happy day and promise that they’ll have expensive things if and when you can afford them.

Hi all, iv just decided to apply for child maintenance from my ex husband we have 5 children together he’s on uc and pip what are the chances of him having to help? He has the kids fri and Saturday night

Well done on getting out of a terrible environment. Your children will thank you ❤️ Black Friday may have decent deals on more affordable laptops & PS5. I understand exactly why you want to give them a good Christmas, it's a new beginning for you all, I did something similar. Just may sure it's affordable & manageable for you. Try eBay refurbs too.