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Original poster

Pregnant with third, husband has said it is last

71 replies

Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 09:19

I have loved having my children. I'm pregnant with our third currently and am very excited. Husband and I always wanted a biggish family of 3-4 kids if we could. However now I'm pregnant with the third, my husband recently said he felt this was our last one. I think because for so long I had four in my mind I assumed it would not be our last, but that said I think four theoretical kids are definitely easier to look after than the reality. That's definitely the case for two and I am sure will be the case for three.

I think I could (and will need) to make peace with three. I feel so lucky for reasons I won't go into, I thought at one point we may never have any. But I'm also one of five! So to me family is big lovely chaos. I also really worry about one being left out - although with two boys and a girl on the way maybe there will always be a slight divide in sex at least. They will all be close in age.

I don't even really know what my question is. I'm hoping to hear from families with three about their experiences. If you feel it was enough busy chaos. Maybe advantages to sticking at 3.

Thank you, and please be kind. I know there is always a risk of phrasing things wrong or being overly naive.

OP posts:
Btowngirl · 09/10/2025 15:56

I mean, an obvious benefit is being able to fit into one 5 seater car? (If you get small enough car seats). I think it’s probably good you’re going through this process now, we are on the fence about having a 3rd and the thought I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy and newborn days enough is plaguing me in case we never do it again!

Holdonforsummer · 09/10/2025 15:57

I think a lot of men want to stop at one or two to be honest.

Sagaciously · 09/10/2025 16:04

I agree, a large family can be lovely. We were both one of 4, which didn’t seem large at the time, but it’s more unusual now.

We stopped at 2 because we didn’t think we could have the same standard of living if we had more. My husband would’ve leapt at having more if I’d agreed. Great holidays and travelling have always been a priority for us as well as all the extra curricular stuff we wanted our kids to do. Now they’re older, I realise we could easily have afforded it with more, but I have no regrets.

Outside9 · 09/10/2025 16:06

I can somewhat empathise.

We had always envisioned 4. However, after 2 we have now been debating back and forth about the purpose and benefit of having anymore. So if we do have another, there's a potential the 3rd will be the last.

It can challenging closing the door on one era of life. But with your 3, there are still many exciting moments to look forward to.

3 is still a party.

Beamur · 09/10/2025 16:08

We have 3 between us. Big age gap between 2 and 3.
This was the right number for us. I would have had a 2nd child (2 of these are SC) but practically and financially it's enough!

Lougle · 09/10/2025 16:09

Honestly, I have 3. They all have SEN (one really apparent from a very young age, one apparent from toddlerhood but no indication of how much support would be needed, and one quirky but no idea they would need such support now at 16).

Even 3 is a stretch to give them what they need, when they need it, and there are plenty of times when I have to give one less than they need to meet the need of another.

Four might be fine if they get on, have independent personalities, no additional needs. Otherwise, it might be a juggle.

Cavello · 09/10/2025 16:10

I love having 3 - there's always a tie-breaker when making decisions. What do you want for dinner - pizza or chilli?

There's always someone to play with, and we didn't need to get a bigger house or car.

Three kids is still busy and loud. It's fab!

ICanSpellConfusionWithaK · 09/10/2025 16:19

A friend is having their fourth, and honestly I never had much of an opinion of families with more than 2-3 kids but now it’s actually happening I think it’s a bit OTT. They’ve had to buy an 8 seater car, due to sexes bedroom sharing is going to be a nightmare (they have a 3 bed semi and the second bedroom is a box room), and I just think it’s a bit ridiculous if I’m honest. Who needs 4 kids?! They both work, aren’t well off, have to rely on family to look after their kids and credit cards to get them through maternity leaves etc.

I know having a family is a heart, not a head decision, but surely at some point you have to just stop and be sensible.

PraisebetoGod · 09/10/2025 16:23

I have three. I imagine if I had 4, I'd have even less money, less energy, less time. Three is more than enough for most.

Toucanfusingforme · 09/10/2025 16:26

We always said even numbers, so 2 or 4. Before we’d really decided, number 3 was on their way, and having had 3 decided that was perfect. We fitted in a normal car, there are enough adult hands available to have a spare hand available while all children are being contained and they all got on well together. I’ve loved having 3.

DramaAlpaca · 09/10/2025 16:30

I loved having three. I'm the eldest of two, DH is one of four, and I always wanted at least three, possibly four. I realised quite quickly after having our third that I was done, and that three (all boys) was perfect for us. DH would have vetoed a fourth anyway.

Phunkychicken · 09/10/2025 16:31

I have 3 having always planned to have 4. But no 3 was such a menace that we just felt there's was no way we could cope with more.

They've got various ND diagnoses And youngest was particularly thrill seekeery with no sense of danger that we knew the A&E staff well enough to chat to if we saw them out and about.

Life was incessant and rubbish for DH and I as a couple for the first 10 years or so, now 2/3 are off at uni the grief is turning into relief.

Have B, G, B

Original poster
Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 16:35

Thank you so much for the responses. It has really helped me feel a bit better.

One of my main concerns really is the one being left out business. What are your experiences of this?

I guess you could have two kids and they not get on. Or four with three being particularly close. There aren't any guarantees

OP posts:
Mushrump · 09/10/2025 16:40

Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 16:35

Thank you so much for the responses. It has really helped me feel a bit better.

One of my main concerns really is the one being left out business. What are your experiences of this?

I guess you could have two kids and they not get on. Or four with three being particularly close. There aren't any guarantees

I think that’s completely mad, and suggests some fairly naive ideas about any numbers of children being happy, attuned playmates. If I say that I’m one of five, and the only one of us to have had a child (by choice), what does that tell you about our experience of bigger families?

Beamur · 09/10/2025 16:54

Re being left out. In our 3 the two who get on best are nos 2&3 even with an 11 year age gap.

YourFairCyanReader · 09/10/2025 17:04

I've got three and I can't remember ever thinking that one was being left out. They have different things in common with each other, so two might go to watch a particular sport, but then another combination might want to go shopping etc. The dynamics change as they get older and they could be very close to one but not another, then change again. My advice would be to not ever pigeon hole them as "the sporty one/the foodie/you two thick as thieves" etc because they can change so much, and setting those profiles between siblings can sometimes hold back that development into who they really are, or cause tensions between them. But I have never ever thought that anything would be better for them with a 4th sibling.

Mumstheword1983 · 09/10/2025 17:14

I have four children. Last one was an excellent surprise at 41. You never know!
Loved having 3. Love having 4. Good luck OP and congratulations!

MrsLizzieDarcy · 09/10/2025 17:26

I always had 4 in my head, and actually had 4 but one of them was stillborn. When the last one came along, I wanted to try again for some time but DH truthfully said he couldn't watch me go through all the stress and worry again - and the Dr advised against due to surgical adhesions from 2 sections. It took me some time to come to peace with, but our 3 are utterly magical and I've always felt close to all of them. And financially, even now they're all young adults, we still help them out and I'm not sure we could have done that with another.

BlueandPinkSwan · 09/10/2025 17:30

Holdonforsummer · 09/10/2025 15:57

I think a lot of men want to stop at one or two to be honest.

A lot of men probably only have a baby to apease their partner, and that 's why many leave at the first chance when baby arrives.

Neemie · 09/10/2025 17:40

BlueandPinkSwan · 09/10/2025 17:30

A lot of men probably only have a baby to apease their partner, and that 's why many leave at the first chance when baby arrives.

Show quote history

I disagree. I think most men want kids. If they didn’t, the more patriarchal the society, the less kids there would be.

Wynter25 · 09/10/2025 17:45

I love having 3 kiddos. Hard work but worth it

Littlemrsconfetti · 09/10/2025 17:53

You haven't said why your DH wants to stop at 3 DC? The cost and time alone is a good enough reason OP.

Original poster
Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 19:46

Littlemrsconfetti · 09/10/2025 17:53

You haven't said why your DH wants to stop at 3 DC? The cost and time alone is a good enough reason OP.

I think all of his reasons are really good ones.

He thinks there is enough chaos 😂he thinks we will be able to potentially give the children we have more in other respects if we stop now - experiences, hobbies, holidays etc and more one on one attention. He thinks it's time to move from the baby years into the next phase of enjoying seeing them grow.

He too has said it will be a hard chapter to close but that he thinks closing it will always be hard. Whether it's now or in two more babies time!

He also said (which is very true) that he misses me and having time together. We very rarely get any one on one time together. We rarely sleep in the same room because our first has always been a terrible sleeper. He misses travelling etc

I respect his decision. I just need to get my head around the end of an idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 19:49

I think the problem for me too if I am really honest is that when I became a mum I felt like I lost a big part of my identity and gave myself over to it. And it's been wonderful. But it's almost like I'm clinging on to it now because I'm a bit worried what will be left if I lose it. I mean, who am I if I'm not mummy to little ones. I know this is crazy. But that is I suspect probably a bigger part of it than I would want to admit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 19:52

In fact I don't think I have ever said or articulated that in any way before I just wrote it now to be honest

OP posts:
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