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Original poster

Pregnant with third, husband has said it is last

71 replies

Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 09:19

I have loved having my children. I'm pregnant with our third currently and am very excited. Husband and I always wanted a biggish family of 3-4 kids if we could. However now I'm pregnant with the third, my husband recently said he felt this was our last one. I think because for so long I had four in my mind I assumed it would not be our last, but that said I think four theoretical kids are definitely easier to look after than the reality. That's definitely the case for two and I am sure will be the case for three.

I think I could (and will need) to make peace with three. I feel so lucky for reasons I won't go into, I thought at one point we may never have any. But I'm also one of five! So to me family is big lovely chaos. I also really worry about one being left out - although with two boys and a girl on the way maybe there will always be a slight divide in sex at least. They will all be close in age.

I don't even really know what my question is. I'm hoping to hear from families with three about their experiences. If you feel it was enough busy chaos. Maybe advantages to sticking at 3.

Thank you, and please be kind. I know there is always a risk of phrasing things wrong or being overly naive.

OP posts:
ApricotCheesecake · 09/10/2025 19:56

I have three close in age. For a while I wanted four, but DH put his foot down. Now I'm relieved we stopped at three. They're all teens now and three teens is a lot! Mine are BGB and they get on pretty well most of the time. I know what you mean about the identity thing OP, but I really re discovered myself and my career, hobbies etc in my 40s.

Shimmyshimshim · 09/10/2025 20:08

Congratulations OP! I am new to having three - 4, 2 and 0. So far, it’s been great. I’m aware that I have lots of parenting left to do though, so I’m sure there will be tough moments ahead.

Much of what you have said in your posts resonates with me. I always thought I’d want two (I’m one of two, and also have a “big” career that was very all-consuming pre-children). But I’ve loved motherhood more than I imagined, and I’ve wanted four since my eldest was a few months old. Husband was on board, but has also recently said he thinks baby three is the last one.

Like you, I think I feel that being a mum to young children has become a huge part of my identity. I still love my job but my whole perspective on life has shifted. I love my friends too, but obviously having three children puts some limits on what I can do socially. If I’m already fully in the little children zone, I may as well really lean into it…

But I have to respect my husband’s wishes, and I know that three really is plenty of children.

shinebright3 · 09/10/2025 20:09

I have 3, we had sort of agreed on 3 prior to having kids but deep down always thought I would like 4.
I don’t feel as though I can fully close the door on 4, if anyone asks I always say I don’t think so rather than a straight no but realistically managing 3 is already hard, sorting childcare, getting them to places, getting everyone ready to leave the house, meeting everyone’s needs etc etc. We also only have a 3 bed house so would need a certain sex to make it work bedroom wise having 2 children in each and we’ve only got a 5 seater car. Also financially having another maternity leave and then providing for 4 would just to be expensive, I want to be able to give them days out, holidays, nice things rather than feel like I’m having to stretch money

Original poster
Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 20:22

Thank you for making me realise I am not alone in these feelings. I could literally have written the last two posts

OP posts:
Original poster
Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 20:23

Shimmyshimshim · 09/10/2025 20:08

Congratulations OP! I am new to having three - 4, 2 and 0. So far, it’s been great. I’m aware that I have lots of parenting left to do though, so I’m sure there will be tough moments ahead.

Much of what you have said in your posts resonates with me. I always thought I’d want two (I’m one of two, and also have a “big” career that was very all-consuming pre-children). But I’ve loved motherhood more than I imagined, and I’ve wanted four since my eldest was a few months old. Husband was on board, but has also recently said he thinks baby three is the last one.

Like you, I think I feel that being a mum to young children has become a huge part of my identity. I still love my job but my whole perspective on life has shifted. I love my friends too, but obviously having three children puts some limits on what I can do socially. If I’m already fully in the little children zone, I may as well really lean into it…

But I have to respect my husband’s wishes, and I know that three really is plenty of children.

Congratulations on your littlest one 🎉

OP posts:
Original poster
Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 20:26

I think I also need to factor in that I still have a few years of baby/toddler chasing ahead of me even if we stopped with this one, and that I might be feeling quite tired by then 😂

OP posts:
Mumof3girlsandaboy · 09/10/2025 20:27

Good luck OP,
I have 4 and I wanted to stop at 3 but I ended up with 4 and yes we have to buy a bigger house and 7seater car. Our 3 bedroom semi was too small for us.

KindnessIsKey123 · 09/10/2025 20:29

Hello, the only experience I have with 4 children is that My husband was one of four boys. I don’t know how to describe it, but I get the impression that the fourth boy pretty much broke his mother. Like, she was fine with three and could’ve dealt with that, but the incoming of a fourth just made it all chaos. It also meant their finances were hugely stretched. For example, they could’ve gone to a hotel and got two rooms and put all three boys in 1 room. But with four, they always had to pay for three whole hotel rooms. And they had to buy a special car to fit 4 kids in. And no one would ever want to look after four children, but when the older one was independent, I’m sure she could’ve had a grandparent look after the other two, if they’d stopped at 3.

but 4 kids, she says it herself, no one wants to look after 4.

It’s hard to describe, but my husband says felt like they had the 4th son and everything was bit more chaotic. So perhaps your DH is right & three would be perfect for you. I hope that helps.

Neetra30 · 09/10/2025 20:42

3 is the perfect number OP.
4 kids in today's day and age is a bit too much.
I had to stop at 3, the quality of my family life would have been severely affected with 4. And financially we would always feel that we dont have enough money or time considering we both work.
And dont forget how expensive it will be to support them through adulthood

Neetra30 · 09/10/2025 20:44

Plus with 3 kids, what advantage is there from a child's perspective from having a fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh etc

Garamousalata · 09/10/2025 20:46

I have three, I was completely done at three. My body didn’t want anymore and I’ve subsequently had two pelvic floor repairs.

hotchocfiend · 09/10/2025 21:02

I love having three, and it’s always felt like the perfect number even before I had them. Someone we know just had a fourth and it just feels… too much? Obviously everyone can do whatever they like but they do seem overwhelmed. A lot of people look at us and think 3 is crazy I know, but we just about manage to divide attention fairly and can still get babysitting and fit in our (big) car. But with four I think it would all feel impossible.

momtoboys · 09/10/2025 21:09

We did not set out to have a large family but after one single birth I went on to have two sets of twins in short order. They are all close in age and are now younger adults. Like you, I loved the chaos that surrounded us wherever we were. I came from a small family (2 siblings but they are 13 and 15 years older than I) but DH came from one of 8.

Endofthetunnel25 · 09/10/2025 21:15

Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 20:26

I think I also need to factor in that I still have a few years of baby/toddler chasing ahead of me even if we stopped with this one, and that I might be feeling quite tired by then 😂

And then your time will be condensed into a flurry of school timetables, play dates, after school hobbies, weekend hobbies, emotions, upsets, struggles, achievements etc etc!! And my eldest is only 8 😂 I can’t even imagine what teenage years have in store.
You will be mummy for years and years yet. Don’t you worry, it’s not just babies and toddlers that take up all of your time!

Lelophants · 09/10/2025 21:18

Maybebaby6 · 09/10/2025 19:49

I think the problem for me too if I am really honest is that when I became a mum I felt like I lost a big part of my identity and gave myself over to it. And it's been wonderful. But it's almost like I'm clinging on to it now because I'm a bit worried what will be left if I lose it. I mean, who am I if I'm not mummy to little ones. I know this is crazy. But that is I suspect probably a bigger part of it than I would want to admit.

I get this 100%. Are you a SAHM?

Also when are you due? Any chance he’ll change his mind?

Letsgoforaskip · 09/10/2025 21:19

@MrsLizzieDarcy I am so sorry for your loss.
OP I always wanted 4 but have 3 and have loved it. I was from a family with a lot of siblings and found that in that family and mine, different combinations get on well at different times. I do think it’s easy to forget how quickly they grow up. Our house felt big when they were little but we really filled it up when they were teenagers! That’s probably very obvious, but worth considering, along with previously mentioned cars.

Rosie454 · 09/10/2025 21:42

I always wanted a big family but my ex and me were maxed out with 3. They’re grown up now and my now DH and I have had 3 more, and again I’m now totally maxed out, so you might find you change your mind or your DH might always change his

Diversion · 09/10/2025 21:48

I was the eldest of 2, DH ws the eldest of 3. I always wanted more than 2 children. We lost our first and got pregnant very quickly afterwards. All four of our children arrived with 2 years 4 months and 2 years 9 months of each other. I had C sections with all of them and was sterilised at the same time I had No4. We had to buy a bigger house, we had to buy a bigger car. I was a SAHM with various part time jobs to fit in around the children and DH because of nursery fees. My first proper part time job of 2 1/s days a week

littleorangefox · 09/10/2025 23:45

So I have 4. They are all aged 5 and under. The first were twins so I obviously never knew what just 1 was like. It was busy and the logistics were very hard at times but we got into the swing of things. Then number 3 came along and it was harder yes but utterly lovely at the same time. It helped that she was a great baby actually. It's a bit of a cliche but the 3rd baby did just sort of slot into our lives in a way.

And then came number 4 🙃 Don't get me wrong, I love all my children and my 4th is the most beautiful, adorable baby. But my God, how it changed the dynamics of everything. We already had a 7 seater car and a big enough house but everything just seems so so so much more chaotic and difficult than it did with 3! I am so exhausted, stressed and it is absolutely relentless. Going anywhere outside the house is a nightmare but staying home all the time is also awful. I feel like all I ever do is run around like a headless chicken tidying and breaking up endless squabbles and being whinged at incessantly. Their ages probably don't help really with being so close together but for me, 3 was definitely much easier than 4 and really, we probably shouldn't have had 4 because we don't cope amazingly. Not that anybody really realises because we're always getting told things like how calm and organised we seem and how our house is lovely and our children are so nice and just...lovely. Everything is lovely apparently 😂

But I'm so very tired.

LBFseBrom · 09/10/2025 23:53

Congratulations!
You will be fine, don't worry about it.

ohfook · 10/10/2025 00:18

I’m very biased, but for me three was the magic number. You’re outnumbered so it feels ever so slightly chaotic but in a manageable way so you still get 1:1 time with each kid, you don’t have to buy a new car etc.
Its helped immensely though that number 3, despite being a feral wild child, is the glue that bonds numbers 1 and 2. They really didn’t get on at all yet they both dote on their sibling and will spend hours playing all together. So far the worry about one being left out hasn’t materialised.

For about a year after having number 3 I wasn’t broody at all for about the first time in years. It’s returned somewhat now but in a far more abstract way - in that I get sad that I’ll never be pregnant again and get to know a whole new human being again or get that feeling like you’re the only ones awake in the night. But when I think about the reality of it - being pregnant again, sleepless nights, a new car, extending the house, I know that it’s not for me!

VikaOlson · 10/10/2025 00:25

3 babies is easy, 4 would probably be easy! I love having babies and toddlers, it's chaos but it's more the merrier.

My husband also wanted to stop at 3 and I'd have carried on. But our three are junior/senior school age now, eldest doing gcses this year and honestly we are STRETCHED.
Supporting them educationally, emotionally, buying everyone trainers and paying for hobbies and driving them all around. This is definitely enough.

Rainbowqueeen · 10/10/2025 00:51

OP you may feel differently once your third is here.

We stopped at 3 and I am really glad we did. It allows your money and time to go further. Don't forget life is very different now than when we were kids. You are far more likely to need both parents to work to maintain a similar standard of living as was possible back in the day with only one parent working. Plus parenting standards have changed.

Also the risk of having multiples or a child with SEN increases as you age. There is no guarantee that this would not happen if you tried for a fourth.

99bottlesofkombucha · 10/10/2025 01:22

We have 3, 2 boys and a girl. It was dhs decision we are done (shittily communicated but that’s another story). But now the youngest is 3 and starting her own thing- swimming- for the first time and we literally full time parent our sporty kids non stop, and pour money out on it. We have about a billion sports sessions a week, and work, and it’s tricky. We do schedules for the weekend and split up as we need to be in at least two places a lot of the time.

SnowFrogJelly · 10/10/2025 01:24

Fgs 3 is more than enough