To have a 3rd baby?

[Rockabybabyboat]

Im 6 months pp with my 2nd and can't stop thinking about a 3rd baby.

Ive always wanted 3 kids and my heart is telling me to go for it, however my head is telling me to stop.

I keep making lists of all the things that out me off having a 3rd but I still cant stop thinking about it..

Cons:

House - We have a 3 bed house (3 large rooms) so 2 kids would have to share initally until we move to a larger house and we would need a larger car. Moving will make our mortgage jump from £600-£1100 per month. We can afford this jump, but it means our savings are reduced.

Car - We'd need a bigger car, which is fine as we planned to buy a different car in 3 years time anyway.

Lifestyle - would definitely take a hit on terms of eating out, and days out would have to move to more free outdoors things (not too much of an issue - my eldest loves outdoors and sports so I think we'd be fine doing that).

Financial - i just worry about the expenses of 3, we currently earn between £80-90k per year. We are very comfortable atm, and live very below our means, however the cost of living scares me. I reckon in 5years ill hopefully have a promotion which will earn me an extra £10-£15k but obviously this will be harder with 3 kids.

Childcare - summer holiday costs scare me - £100 per day for 3 locally, obviously more when the time comes ill need it. My parents and in-laws may be able to help a bit but not guaranteed of course.

Pros:

Personal desire - Ive always wanted 3 and cant stop thinking about it. I really feel like there's still a gap in our family

Holidays - we camp in the UK or rent houses so the hotel room thing isnt an issue

Siblings - I really think it would be lovely for my boys to have another sibling (regardless of gender)

Age - we are 31 and 33 with a 3 and a 6m old. So we have plenty of time to space them out, though I think I want a smaller gap so they are close in age and I get my body and career back after 1 longer break rather than 2 breaks.

I cant stop thinking about the 3rd, but feel like I should be sensible and stop. But on the other hand I feel like we can afford it.

Those who have 3, is it affordable? Did you regret it? I really feel like a 3rd would be what I want if money was no object and im always too sensible with cash, but feel like a child isnt something I should hold back on because of maybes and ifs

Have the 3rd! That’s all I have to say.

Dont 🤣🤣

Ive blissfully ignored my wants until this week, then ive been thinking none stopabout having 3 under 5 the past few days aha

We have 3; teens now. I actually don’t think we could have financially coped with three if we were starting our family now (small age gap). Our salary is similar to yours.

3 DC has been harder than I thought it would be. I always think that one of the DC are flying under the radar (usually my middle one), which brings a lot of guilt.

But I love having 3 and family felt complete after we had DC3 .

I have two boys now and we have been thinking of a third. I think we have decided not to. I want to show my two boys as much of the world as we can possibly can and we couldn’t afford to do that with a third. I think you can bump along and be pretty frugal when they are younger but older kids do want more and even though it’s not a need I want to be able to give that too them. A third child would be for us parents, it would be great if they turned out to be best friends but realistically as adults they will be living their own life’s. Even Going out for dinner as a family now is expensive and they are only have kids meals.

This is kind of where my head is, but my heart is desperately wanting another so much.

Funnily enough, betweene my last post and now ive started making matching family christmas stockings, I bought enough fabric to make 5. I just asked my husband if i need to save enough to make a 5th, just incase were fortunate enough to have another. It was a point blank not needed..

Honestly was like a dagger through my heart and has floored me. I expected a timid yeah or a maybe, not a straight no. I guess that calls it. If he's serious, I just know its going to be my biggest regret, and hope it doesnt build enough resentment to ruin my marriage .. sigh I wish I didnt want another

@Rockabybabyboat I'm the other way around with my husband keen and keeps dropping comments. But I have gone from no to maybe. Also currently struggling with my mental health though so not a good time.

You’re at a pretty intense period of parenting with a newish baby and child, so it might not be a permanent no from your husband. Obviously if it is you can’t change that. I also started thinking about a third when my middle child was 7 months old and it was a thought that didn’t go away. We decided quite quickly to wait and see what having two children truly felt like, rather than a baby and a young child, which is quite different. So we said we’d wait until our then youngest was at least two. Then I think we both knew we wanted a third, but it took quite a while to really gear ourselves up to go for it. So we ended up with a four year age gap between numbers two and three. It is very hard work, I’ve ended up a stay at home mum, by choice, but it feels like the best way to make it work for our family, and I have googled “how do you cope with three kids“ more than once. So it is hard and relentless, but without exaggeration, nearly every day even 6 years in my husband and I look at each other and say we’re so glad that we had to number three. He is an absolute joy in our lives and I’m so glad that we went for him.

I'm at a stage where I'm keen to have another. We have two, 3 and 1 years old.

We had always envisaged a big family, and while financial discipline means we can probably afford more, I think DH's appetite for it has declined.

DH' s rationale: First child you have because you feel you have to / it's something people do. Second child - well you've already screwed yourself with the first, so may as well give it a friend /life companion.

It's harder to maks a compelling argument for going beyond two beyond dubious speculation. (E.g. greater family network/support, sibling bond, god forbid - but if a child dies prematurely etc) things outside your control essentially)).

I think DH secretly wants another, he just can't logically justify it... Yet.

I get your husbands thinking, I personally think (assuming youre choosing and its not contraception failure etc) the 3rd one is purely selfish. You have the 1st out of expectation, the 2nd out of obligations to the 1st, the 3rd you have as you genuinely want another.

I want a 3rd as when I look at pictures of my two, theres a gap - no other justification really. Which makes it hard when you consider the sensible factors of needing a bigger house,car, finances etc.

Reading lots of these comments in solidarity. We have two boys - 4 & 17 months, always said we would just have two. But since I had our youngest son I have always thought ‘you weren’t my last’.

Financially we earn closer to 100k but have a big mortgage in an expensive area. I want to give our boys experiences and be able to afford to support them financially as my parents have for me during university/life, so having a third seems tricky.

Our boys are pure joy, so although right now wouldn’t be an option. We’d need to save for maternity etc I don’t think my husband would be dead against it I’m just so torn. Like you said the 3rd is just for selfish reasons of pure want but then friends that have siblings say it’s the best gift their parents have ever given them. Sooooooo hard!