To have a 3rd baby?

[Rockabybabyboat]

Im 6 months pp with my 2nd and can't stop thinking about a 3rd baby.

Ive always wanted 3 kids and my heart is telling me to go for it, however my head is telling me to stop.

I keep making lists of all the things that out me off having a 3rd but I still cant stop thinking about it..

Cons:

House - We have a 3 bed house (3 large rooms) so 2 kids would have to share initally until we move to a larger house and we would need a larger car. Moving will make our mortgage jump from £600-£1100 per month. We can afford this jump, but it means our savings are reduced.

Car - We'd need a bigger car, which is fine as we planned to buy a different car in 3 years time anyway.

Lifestyle - would definitely take a hit on terms of eating out, and days out would have to move to more free outdoors things (not too much of an issue - my eldest loves outdoors and sports so I think we'd be fine doing that).

Financial - i just worry about the expenses of 3, we currently earn between £80-90k per year. We are very comfortable atm, and live very below our means, however the cost of living scares me. I reckon in 5years ill hopefully have a promotion which will earn me an extra £10-£15k but obviously this will be harder with 3 kids.

Childcare - summer holiday costs scare me - £100 per day for 3 locally, obviously more when the time comes ill need it. My parents and in-laws may be able to help a bit but not guaranteed of course.

Pros:

Personal desire - Ive always wanted 3 and cant stop thinking about it. I really feel like there's still a gap in our family

Holidays - we camp in the UK or rent houses so the hotel room thing isnt an issue

Siblings - I really think it would be lovely for my boys to have another sibling (regardless of gender)

Age - we are 31 and 33 with a 3 and a 6m old. So we have plenty of time to space them out, though I think I want a smaller gap so they are close in age and I get my body and career back after 1 longer break rather than 2 breaks.

I cant stop thinking about the 3rd, but feel like I should be sensible and stop. But on the other hand I feel like we can afford it.

Those who have 3, is it affordable? Did you regret it? I really feel like a 3rd would be what I want if money was no object and im always too sensible with cash, but feel like a child isnt something I should hold back on because of maybes and ifs

I have 3 and the common "third one just slots easily into the family" statement is a myth. Babies don't know that they're the third baby. They have their own personalities/feeding problems/sleep issues as any other baby.

I love having three, but I was a SAHM so didn't have the childcare costs. I agree with others that having teen-agers and uni students is expensive.

They get the loan but parents have to pay living expenses. Don’t know anyone that isn’t paying.

I guess we just live in very different social networks as i dont know anyone who does pay for all living expenses

You would think but there's a rather wide (and actually skewing towards negative imo) opinion on here.

I was actually expecting just go for it kinda posts lol

Neither really entered my mind - I imagine every single parent at any single point of existence has or had that worry, if everyone acted on it our species would be extinct

Definitely go for a third! It’s a lovely number of children, it really isn’t that many either, you just get used to it and it becomes your normal. I have four now, and when I’ve only got three at home for whatever reason (like today) it feels really quiet!

Also, it is more expensive as everyone is saying, but (for me personally) I can’t think of anything better I would want to spend my money on. I don’t have an interest to get my hair and nails done or have expensive clothes or fancy holidays with friends so I’m happy spending my money on a couple of extra kids!

Thanks all, its definitely food for thought, and i had no intention of having a baby right away - i actually have a iud in place so cant get pregnant (had it fitted at 6 weeks pp knowing id be subconsciously self sabotaging on the pill or injection).

Im trying to be practical but feel like children isn't a practical decision- its one out of love.

Finances is a real worry, taking into account a bigger house and mortgage we have £2k money left after all bills (inc fuel and groceries), yet this just doesnt seem enough for swimming lessons, Christmas, holidays etc.which is ridiculous as that's more than family members salary. Im just so worried about us struggling in 10 years time so want to be sure we are affordable as only see salaries climbing by £10k or so before peaking

I didnt plan on actioning any decision for a few years, but want to make the decision so if its a no I can accept and move on, which im currently feeling in limbo if that area sense

Go for it!! I got pregnant when my 2nd was 6 months old. My eldest had turned 2. We had 3 in under 3 years and I love it now they’re 6, 7 & 9. Lockdown was a bit mental though with 3 very young children! They are super duper close now.

I do my own nails, can do my own hair if needed, we camp on our holidays so kinda feel the same.
I just worry that id struggle with managing 3 kids extra curricular activities and costs

I have 3 and love it. Each 2 years apart, so 14,12 and 10 now. I was hoping #2 would be twins so the decision would be made for me, but she wasn’t, but I had my 3rd anyway.
We travel a lot but hotel rooms etc never an issue so far, when they were little we put them all in same bed, and now many places have 3 beds in one room (especially airbnbs). The interactions are so much fun, as they are their own little gang, and it reduces things like jealousy somehow as there is that extra person around.
i think if you have the urge you will always have a certain bitterness if you don’t go through with it. That’s why I did. I found myself clocking all the families with 3 children in the street and things, and realised I would drive myself mad with regret.
Yes there is a cost, we eat out a lot less than we did, but it is manageable and really worth it.

Go for it OP! It tickles me that three children are considered a larger family, but then we have five. Wouldn't change it for the world 😁

Love this! I hope mine will be like that when they are older 🙏. May I ask whether you have boys or girls? Curious to know whether it makes a difference in how they get on!

I already do the clocking of people - and always point out family's with 3 boys or 2 boys and a girl and like "this could be us 👀👀"
I also hoped for twins with number 2 😂, and now hope for my iud to fail so the decisions out my hand. But at the same time want to be prepared for any future children

I have 3 (19, 18 and 16) and from September will have to pay a grand a month to cover university. Wet don't have that money so DH and the youngest and I will have to take a big hit.

DC16 is a terror (but lovely) and was harder than the other two put together. Well known at a&e as a child.

I don't regret it but wouldn't do again knowing what I know now, having a third makes things exponentially harder/more expensive and I do feel the other two have missed out because of them. The middle child especially.

I did have them close together (2 school years apart though) and whilst the first few years I can't remember (youngest did not sleep. Ever) career/health/relationship wise I think it was worth getting it all done in one go. Chicken pox especially, was 6 solid weeks of Hell but was off on mat leave so at least had childcare.

I get what you’re saying that the ‘not having made a decision’ is playing on your mind a lot. It might be helpful to give up ‘needing’ to know? But hard. I’ve been the same with an on the fence husband and me obsessing over having a third.

It sounds like your DH is putting on the brakes saying let’s maybe TTC in 1.5 years so that you have similar gaps between your kids?

and whatever you do don’t let it overshadow the enjoyment of your second born

Boy, girl, girl. And yes the 2 girls tend to do more things together but not always as they also argue with each other and the boy is more out of it, so the little one comes to him when she has argued with her sister!

I have three - they're fab but it was really hard when they were little. DC3 was a terrible sleeper and a tricky toddler - much harder than the other two. Now they're teens and that comes with its challenges too! Teens are really expensive these days - mine all have part time jobs, but we cover their driving lessons and insurance, and yes we are paying towards living expenses for the one at uni even though he has a job as it would be too much for him. Tbh my life would be a lot easier if I'd stopped at two!

Sounds negative but everything seems somehow much harder now - much harder than it was for us. State support is pared back. If there’s an issue you’re on your own frankly you need to pay to fix it. We had a serious issue with a teen recently the next appointment was 6 weeks with the nhs so we went private and saved her. This next generation need more parental support.

The baby stage is very very short. We are glad we stopped at two so have the resources to give the two we have as much as we can. A third would stretch us too thin.

So decide to give it a year and see how you feel then. I got pregnant with #3 a couple of months in to reception and would highly recommend, not least because it covered the first school hols which are when childcare is hardest.

Sorry, not my thread but do you mind me asking how old you were with your 3rd?

30

Hi, we're in the grey area too trying to decide on a third. Youngest is just over 2.5 Unlike most it's DH who really wants a third. After one we were thinking about leaving it there. Had a 2nd with a 4.5 year age gap, think to have a 3rd with a small gap. But, I struggled mentally. When baby was 18-20 months I felt quite definate I didn't want another. However, im feeling a bit broody and DH keeps putting forward the pros. I've said maybe to try in September, once I've lost weight and got fit. But I love my 2 kids now and don't want to rock the boat. However, I don't want to get rid of our reusable nappies. We hardly used them with our second and I've found I weirdly enjoyed the laundry....in the summer anyway.

Hi, I have 3 children (7 year old boy, 5.5 year old boy, 4 year old girl). Less than 3 years between eldest and youngest. I personally love it. They all have a great relationship although they do fight as well.

We have a 4 bed house so no problems there, we did need a new car though. Personally sharing a room isn't an issue for me at all, my kids all choose to sleep in the same bed most days! I was a SAHM until my youngest was 2 (although I was doing an access course through distance learning too when she was 1) and then started a uni degree so was still home most of the time. We used my student finance to pay for her nursery while I'm at uni, so unfortunately I don't have any advice about affording nursery while actually working.

We do not have anywhere near as much income as you, as obviously only DH works right now - but I'm finishing my degree next may so hopefully that will be changing.

We do want a 4th baby soon too. I was 19, 21 and 22 when I had the kids but DH is 9 years older, so I'd prefer to be done around 30.