To have a 3rd baby?

[Rockabybabyboat]

Im 6 months pp with my 2nd and can't stop thinking about a 3rd baby.

Ive always wanted 3 kids and my heart is telling me to go for it, however my head is telling me to stop.

I keep making lists of all the things that out me off having a 3rd but I still cant stop thinking about it..

Cons:

House - We have a 3 bed house (3 large rooms) so 2 kids would have to share initally until we move to a larger house and we would need a larger car. Moving will make our mortgage jump from £600-£1100 per month. We can afford this jump, but it means our savings are reduced.

Car - We'd need a bigger car, which is fine as we planned to buy a different car in 3 years time anyway.

Lifestyle - would definitely take a hit on terms of eating out, and days out would have to move to more free outdoors things (not too much of an issue - my eldest loves outdoors and sports so I think we'd be fine doing that).

Financial - i just worry about the expenses of 3, we currently earn between £80-90k per year. We are very comfortable atm, and live very below our means, however the cost of living scares me. I reckon in 5years ill hopefully have a promotion which will earn me an extra £10-£15k but obviously this will be harder with 3 kids.

Childcare - summer holiday costs scare me - £100 per day for 3 locally, obviously more when the time comes ill need it. My parents and in-laws may be able to help a bit but not guaranteed of course.

Pros:

Personal desire - Ive always wanted 3 and cant stop thinking about it. I really feel like there's still a gap in our family

Holidays - we camp in the UK or rent houses so the hotel room thing isnt an issue

Siblings - I really think it would be lovely for my boys to have another sibling (regardless of gender)

Age - we are 31 and 33 with a 3 and a 6m old. So we have plenty of time to space them out, though I think I want a smaller gap so they are close in age and I get my body and career back after 1 longer break rather than 2 breaks.

I cant stop thinking about the 3rd, but feel like I should be sensible and stop. But on the other hand I feel like we can afford it.

Those who have 3, is it affordable? Did you regret it? I really feel like a 3rd would be what I want if money was no object and im always too sensible with cash, but feel like a child isnt something I should hold back on because of maybes and ifs

I did it. Three boys - eldest was 4 1/2 and next one 19 months when DS3 was born. Very planned as I also strongly felt that I wanted another after DS2. They are older teens/young adults now. The scary expense is putting them through uni but we'll make it work. They were all in the same room until eldest was 12. I'm really glad we did have three. I didn't find loads harder than two when they were little. They do really get on and are v funny together. Dealing with the laundry was a lot though!

I think id have a 3rd boy as all my husbands family are men, id love a girl but realistically I think ive got no chance 😂. There's something about 3 boys which makes me feel like that'll complete the family - and I think id love the chaos.

I think with uni they'd have to consider a local uni (thankfully we have 2 RG and 2/3 others within 20 miles) or working alongside (id also secretly hope at least one goes the apprenticeship route 😂) and we'll help however much we can.

Im just so worried about the money side, but I always worry about something 🙈. The urge is just so strong

I think its very sensible that you are thinking about your finances and the future. Im sure though if you had another you could find a way to make it work. Sometimes things can just fall in to place and you dont see a real huge difference as it just becomes normal and part of your every day.

You’ve just had your second so it’s likely hormones. Parenting is hard even with nice kids. Coming out the other side and thank god we stopped at 2.

We have 3 and it’s good! But a LOT! We have a 7 year gap between oldest and youngest which is lovely - they play so nicely and it gives the older ones chance to play with younger toys which they secretly love but would be too cool for without the excuse! They all love each other so much and it’s nice to see all the variants of the separate relationships between everyone.
Now we have a threenager and a tween it’s pretty tough going sometimes! And someone always needs something, but oldest is getting more independence (going to shop alone etc). So that’s good. Three is a lot of work though!! But 2 felt way too calm for our liking haha.

We had 2 with 3.5 years between then and had debated a third. We’re on the fence and ended up with our little surprise. Currently have our third little one!

It’s a lot harder than I thought. Everyone told me it was easier going 2 to 3 instead of 1 to 2 but I’ve definitely found it a lot more of a whirlwind

We earn a lot less between you, but we’ve somehow made it work. Like you we have a three bed but our second bedroom is huge so both boys are in there and baby girl in the third room!

It’s definitely complete chaos though! Money is tight but the kids have everything they need and are happy and we make it work somehow!

We pondered having number 3 weighing up all the options and decided to go ahead. Well number 3 decided to bring number 4 with them 😂 we now have an 8 year old DD 2 year 6 month DD and 8 week b/g twins. Whilst we have found the adjustment fairly easy and love having our twinnies it’s changed the logistics of everything like needing a bigger car/house being unrealistic returning to work after mat leave with nursery fees so I’d say go ahead but just be prepared 3 may bring 4 😂

@Rockabybabyboat it’s a very hard choice and so personal. We have 3 kids they are 12,10 and 9. It’s hard work and chaotic but I love that. My desire to have another baby only stopped after I had baby number 3. But… what I would say is think really hard about the financial side and think about what you want for yourself and your kids. Kids are so expensive and if they all want to go to uni it’s an expensive game to play. So you have to really plan accordingly.

I have 3 and I love it. I had a newborn, a 3 & 5 year old. I have never felt it was too much but I was a SAHM for quite a long time before returning to work and that depleted our savings to almost zero. They are all young adults now and I don't regret it.

I’ve got 3 (boys 2 years apart and little sis who is 7 years after the eldest). The boys adore their little sister and she rounds our life out beautifully. I feel with the large age gap we’ve staggered the future financial burden though drawn out the sleepless nights and nappy bag years 😂

no regrets here though I never thought I would have a large family. I think the dynamics are perfect

I love my gang of three. I always wanted 4 but that wasn’t meant to be. Our kids are ace. Best thing we ever did.

congrats on your new baby! Totally normal for some, I had the same urge for a third. What does your husband think?

What does your partner think? Does he want another now?

I felt just like you! And now I have 3 month old baby three, so am relatively new to having three children! Big ones turned 2 and 4 shortly after baby was born.

So far, so good! It’s been the easiest transition by far. In some ways, I feel it’s almost easier with three than two. Although I’m sure that will change when I go back to work, or when the baby becomes mobile and dangerous, or when they are all teens.

Only issue is, I now find myself thinking a fourth would be lovely.

Following this with serious interest. I could have written your post, we have a 3 year old and 7 month old which we thought was us but I can not shake the desperation to have a 3rd! We initially thought let’s do it at the end of the year, but after some consideration are thinking of going for another 3 year age gap.

See how you feel in 2 years time, when you’ve had chance to get an idea of how to parent 2 kids. I have 3 kids so am pro-3rd-child. But there’s no rush and I know some people who have 3 or 4 kids close together when they don’t even know what it’s like to have a school kid yet. People tend to fall into the misconception that the toddler years are are full on as it gets!

Hey, thanks for the insight, always interesting to hear from someone pro 3, MN often leans more to stopping at 2 for various reasons! Our oldest starts school next Sep so admittedly will have only been there around 18 months by the time we hopefully have a 3rd, however my partner is 40 now so we are keen not to wait ages due to that too. Its all a balancing act really!

I really think that you should be thinking about the baby that you have at the moment, not pondering possible future siblings.

I would always say head over heart and that it's not about you anymore - it's about the children you have and if they will be negatively impacted by another sibling.

Also you've posted this in larger families, so you have already skewed the answers you are going to get.

You would get a wider mix of answers in a different board

You don’t mention climate change or the unstable state of the world. I wish I didn’t have children then I wouldn’t need to worry about the sort of life they’re going to lead.

I was exactly in your position endlessly debating what to do (although my youngest was 4 not a baby…!). We had a happy accident and now have three. Eight year gap between eldest and youngest. I absolutely love it and finally feel done. The dynamic is lovely (for the time being!) and although it’s chaos and endless laundry, everyone is very happy. We did need a new car and will need to move at some point, but we were going to move at some point anyway. Unfortunately I think this is one of those decisions that can’t be won by logic if you feel a serious pang. And I know people who were “sensible” and didn’t have the third and regret it later in life. Obviously if you absolutely can’t afford to have another child and it would be to the detriment of the family it wouldn’t be advisable - but it sounds like you wouldn’t really be sacrificing much financially. You would make it work.

(Fully acknowledge we haven’t hit the university / driving lesson / laptop years and that things will indeed get more expensive at some point…)

How do you afford 3 sets of university?

I wouldn't, but in all honestly I doubt i'd be funding any child fully through university. I dont know a single person outside of mumsnet who funds their kids through uni. I have friends whose parents were millionaires still had a part time job to cover rent.

Ill help where I can of course, which is why im hesitant, but similarly university fees are not really a major consideration in this decision.

Oh wow, something I didnt consider in all honestly 🤣 not sure how id react to that news.

Bet its absolutely joyful having 4 lovely children! Congratulations ❤️

The hormones absolutely nailing me, and i think its because its in the air as to whether we will try again, whether to sell the stuff.. I was crazy broody after my first bit I knew I wanted a 2nd so I could push it down the road. This time the whole head vs heart is getting to me aha as its all so unknown.

My husband wanted 1, agreed to the 2nd without hesitation and went from absolutely not to being rather open to the idea of a 3rd, but has my on the fence head is heart too. Hes said we'd need a similar age gap, which is fine with me.

I almost feel like I need to make the decision now so I can either accept, grieve and move on from my child birthing years or not think about it until the pre determined time of ttc. The grey area keeps peaking my thoughts!