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I wish there was a switch to turn off Broodiness.
55

ladytophamhatt · 23/04/2008 14:46

I'd switch it off, disconnect the wires and mash the switch to bits.

I hate this feeling.

(sorry I said I wouldn't talk aboyt anymore, didn't I?)

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kittywise · 23/04/2008 16:33

I don't know. I too am wrestling with this.
I don't want another but nevertheless I'm finding hard to imagine never having another one. Perhaps it's just a question of time?
I'm hoping as my youngest grows older that I will begin to realise that there are advantages to not having a baby and having a bit more time to myself, doing things with the children that are not affected by me either being pg or carting around a grumpy needy baby./toddler.

Perhaps it's learning to redefine oneself?

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ImightbeLulumama · 23/04/2008 16:35

have you had a big chat with DH, ladyTH?

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ladytophamhatt · 23/04/2008 16:47

Sort of Lulu.

I tol dhim that I wasn't going to carry on hoping he'd changed his mind every time we have sex so if he really doesn't want any more then he shoudl go and get a vasectomy because he isn't coming near me unless he does.

I asked him teh next day if he was going and he said No. I saod again about No sex unless he does something about it.... and he said Ok, no sex then.



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Dropdeadfred · 23/04/2008 16:49

why doesn't he want a vasectomy..? fear? male pride? or the thought that he may want another ?

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ImightbeLulumama · 23/04/2008 16:52

oh dear

stalemate

not ideal

not sure what to say

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ladytophamhatt · 23/04/2008 16:58

DDf, because the mere thought of anyone going near his wanger with a sharp object makes him faint/green.

it'll do it for him....with blunt rusty knife[Grrrrrr]

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CarGirl · 23/04/2008 17:03

LadyT my DH is the same at the moment I have the mirena but also when it came to the crunch decision we both want the option to have more dc should something awful happen (dh is still young)

I had to admit though for the last 2.5 years I've only had fleeting moments of broodiness nothing more. I am most sad at never having a big bump with a moving around baby inside and giving birth again - I didn't have great pregnancies or births though tbh.

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ladytophamhatt · 23/04/2008 17:03

Yes lulu.
Stalemate, thats excatlt right...thats why I wish there was a switch.
[fed up]

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kittywise · 23/04/2008 17:38

LTH, so, he wants to have sex with you but doesn't want to use contraception is that right? He also doesn't want another baby? Well that doesn't make sense.
So, you can say "I think this might be my fertile few days, but since your sperm can live a week then i really haven't got a clue if I'll get pg or not"
Do you know what, if I were in your position I would have sex and hope that I got pg. It wouldn't surprise me if your dh secretly thinks that way too.

He KNOWS that you are very likely to get pg without contraception and yet still wants to have unprotected sex with you!!! and if it's "an accident' then he can absolve himself from the notion of actively trying for a baby. If it's 'an accident' then I bet he will be able to deal with the whole pg, new baby thing.

That's what I think.

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NorthernLurker · 23/04/2008 17:52

Can I disagree with Kitty in a very nice and non-confrontational way I think that maybe it is time you finished this part of your life and moved on to the next phase. I suppose I am at a similar stage to you really - we have three wonderful dds - youngest just a year. I don't want another child but I know perfectly well that there is part of me which would like another baby, another bump, another chance to b/feed someone really tiny who you can hold in the crook of your arm - but that's my body doing what it's designed to do - get me knocked up so the human race doesn't expire. It's not what I as an intelligent woman, with a life and dreams for myself as well as for my wonderful girls wants. It's time to shut the door on that. It's not easy - but I feel that the broodiness (which hasn't really kicked in yet as dd3 is still a baby and is still b/feeding) is in any case - an illusion, it's not real enough for me to base another part of my life on. So if you feel at all like me - then don't risk getting pregnant. I think it's highly unreasonable of your dh not to have the snip (that's the option we're going with) but if he really won't then maybe you need to step up - again. I do hope you can find a way through this and be content with the decision.

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kittywise · 23/04/2008 17:57

LTH I agree with Northernlurker too!
You need to go for it or forget it and move on

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NorthernLurker · 23/04/2008 17:58

It's very hard though isn't it - I know I'm done - doesn't mean I don't 'mourn' that part of my life a bit.

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kittywise · 23/04/2008 18:00

Absolutely

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Dropdeadfred · 23/04/2008 18:28

But Northerner...perhaps you are but LTH isn't?

Good advice for someone unsure..but perhaps overlooking how it would feel to REALLY want another?

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ladytophamhatt · 23/04/2008 19:28

NL, that is how I felt before Ds4 came along. I did want anotehr baby but never in a million yrs di I ever expect to have one.

He was very much unplanned and is a result of teh same methods of contraception we're using now. After his birth I vowelled never ever to do it again. I was finished.

Then, as you know DH started making teeny suggestions about another one which at first I ignored.....

And blah blah blah blah balh. God I've said this all so manytimes on here. You're all prob fed up with hearing it. I am sorry....I can't help myself.

Anyway, here we are now, with him saying no and me feeling sad and tearful amd really feeling crap about it all.

Do you know...I feel abit liek a spoilt child...I can't get my own way and the tears are an adult tantrum.

If only he hadn't suggested it all in the first place eh?

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zazas · 23/04/2008 20:45

I am also in a similar situation - 3 DC (plus 2 step DC) and youngest only 12 months and have decided enough is enough. So has DP, except about every second day he says "just one more", or "lets make another". I find that so difficult as my broodiness is still there and the thought of not been pregnant again and having another tiny baby makes my stomach turn and when he says these things, I feel my resolve fading. Yet I know we are at our max. I just wish I had that off switch and then I would be able to clear my head and move forward into next stage in life...

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NorthernLurker · 23/04/2008 20:52

LTH and Zazas - I think your blokes are being jolly unhelpful! Would it help to say - 'Right we will have a summit about this situation in 3 months time. At that time all feelings will be aired and all outcomes considered.' Gives you time to think and if you still want another child then - not just a baby then I think the fact that you have taken so long to reflect on it would help your chaps to understand how important it is.

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cazboldy · 23/04/2008 21:00

Good point NL

It will be another child......and only a baby for a tiny time

This is going to make me sound so old but they definitely get more difficult as they get older don't they? I find that I am supposed to be in 3 places at once - dragging the 2 little ones along behind and usually on my own while dh is at work.

I just wish i could feeze molly atm, as she is so gorgeous, and so much fun, like a baby but a little person too iykwim......

The question is how do you make yourself stop wanting another one?

although your earlier post was very good

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NorthernLurker · 24/04/2008 09:28

That's a good question Caz and brings us back to the whole switch thing that LTH was advocating Personally I am relying on the fact that, at a time not clouded (I think) by hormones and broodiness I have made the decision that 3 is enough children for me. They are all so wonderful and the dynamic feels right. So - if I have broody moments then I will just need to mourn that a bit but take comfort in the fact that Dh and I have made a reasonable decision for all the family and we need to stick with that. Of course - that only works if you have made that decision and it sounds like LTH and her dh haven't - indeed he has tried to decide two contradictory things at once and madea bit of a balls up of it imo!

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Rolf · 24/04/2008 20:29

I have this dilemma too, LTH. I have 3 children and am 34 weeks pregnant with my 4th (so it's a bit premature to worry!).

Rationally, 4 is plenty for us. But the thought of this being the last time makes me sad. And there are no methods of contraception that suit us. DH wouldn't ever agree to a vasectomy and as I wouldn't want to be sterilised, I can't exactly blame him. I have an aversion to articifial hormones, dislike condoms, am v prudish and squeamish so wouldn't like a cap. And the really really embarassing bit is that I get a real kick out of ttc and find contraception a massive turn-off. Is that what the convent education did to me?? What to do?

DH is probably more keen than I am on the no-more-babies idea, but when I remind him of that and ask him what we should do to make sure there are no more babies, he changes the subject

I expect we'll end up using condoms, but not very carefully. But when we do that I spent the part of my cycle between first having sex and af wondering/hoping/dreading being pregnant. I'd much rather know where I stand and what the plan is.

So, LTH, I'll join you on these sort of meandering angst-fests

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muppetgirl · 24/04/2008 20:33

I agree with the switch off broodiness -please!

I have 2 ds's I grow big boys who I can't deliver and have had crap births with both. I really think our family isn't done yet but dh thinks it is. Not sure how we're going to agree on this one.

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GrapefruitMoon · 24/04/2008 20:34

Personally having dc3 who didn't sleep through the night until well after his 3rd birthday did it for me!

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bigcar · 24/04/2008 21:11

I'm with LTH, a switch would be a lot easier! Dh says definitely no more but I keep hoping every month those pills I take every day won't have worked!

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chankins · 24/04/2008 21:22

Hello, never posted on this thread before, is it new ?
I am totally with you all on the wanting to switch of broodiness !
I have three lo, aged 5,4 and nearly one.
In two weeks ds will be one and I know I will be so emotional, as that year has gone even faster this time.

I want a large family, and have always said this to dh. He knows I want four, but if we had the money (we don't) I would happily have 5!

We have decided that if we can manage to both earn more money and in the next few years manage to buy a house, then we would consider having a fourth. We rent a small house at the moment, and we couldn't squeeze anymore in.
I'm happy with this decision because it gives us a dream to work for, but also I have to kind of accept ds could possibly be the last one. Dh is definitely not as keen as I am in having more.

But also if I did get my fourth, that one would still grow up, and would I then want another ? At some point you have to let your body mourn the baby-making phase, I guess, and accept its over. I can so see why some women have six plus kids, but even they must at some point accept babies grow up !

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bumface · 26/04/2008 13:36

Hello,

It all sucks doesn't it. It's the not knowing that is the worst isn't it. If we knew there was no chance of another, things would be OK.

I thought I was done at four. I really did. I was so careful not to get pregnant again.

Then my period was late and I had a panick for a while. I really didn't want to do it all over again.... I didn't think my body could cope all over again. I told DH and he surprised me by taking it all in his stride and saying the worst that will happen is we will have another baby and how bad can that be? He even started thinking about names!

The thing is now I have taken tests (quite a few in fact) and they are all negative. I'm starting to think that I'm not pregnant after all. Looking at it rationally the chances must have been pretty slim as I was very careful.

The trouble is now I have had a couple of weeks to mull it over I have warmed to the idea of another one a bit. So now I don't know what to think. As the great Chandler once said CAN.... OPEN.... WORMS.... EVERYWHERE!!!!!

LTH I hope you don't mind me following you over to this thread. You think you know where you are, then your husband says something that turns it all around don't they.

Sorry I apear to have waffled all over the place.

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