Deflated by opinions on mumsnet

[Lwrenn]

Clearly, we only have more than 2 children to claim child benefit, to fill empty voids in our hearts and because we have subpar intelligence and no careers, money, opinions or worthy input of our own.

Or we had gender disappointment.
We weren't responsible enough to take our pill correctly or use condoms.
We're environmentally selfish. We're participating in the failure of the NHS by having such large and burdensome families.
We are financially irresponsible, we don't effectively manage our time to ensure the needs of our children are met.
Our children must have nothing but clothes that are recycled from the 80s and live in shoes with holes in, they'll loose their teeth at sixteen due to negligence and they smell of raw sewage because the timely task of attending to our children's hygiene is lost on us as we sit and idly push parenting tasks onto our older DC to raise our babies for us.
Our kids eat nothing but frozen chips, cheap sausages and ketchup is the only 1 of the 5 a day offered because we clearly couldn't understand nutrition if we've had more than 2 dc.
(Ketchup being 1 of 5 a day is a joke. Just because someone will say how idiotic I am to suggest a good dollop of Tommy k consists of any nutritional Value!)

Anyone else feeling a bit defensive or am I just due a period?

I'm not going to justify myself and say how I raise my children but they're the happiest kids who absolutely thrive in a larger family. They have time with us individually whenever they need it and want for nothing. They even eat 5 fruits and veggies a day and my eldest is 18 next year and not one of my kids has needed a single filling. I know parents of 1 kid who's teeth won't last their 20s and I can say hand on heart I've genuinely tried repeatedly to help that mum.
Well I justified a bit.

I just feel deflated.
I worked tough Jobs since I was 15.
I've had horrific pregnancies and traumatising losses. I've been pregnant spanning 3 decades to bring my children into the world.
I'm sick of reading my children are filling a void, I just have no family outside of my kids, no cousins, siblings. I wanted them to have a life of love and company. They have that and now I feel guilty 🙄

I really don't think that it is large families with well behaved kids they can financially support that people have an issue with OP.

It is about the type of people who have several kids with different partners when they know full well they can't afford to look after them without the help of the benefit system/social housing and who can't be arsed to raise their kids properly , which is quite different...

Thanks everyone, must be feeling delicate. Usually I don't give a fuck but I've spent the last couple of weeks stuck on my phone (I have a gross wee infection in some stitches, I really should have taken a picture for the sporners corner!) So I've seen lots about it. I think it's a hot topic right now so I'm seeing lots of different opinions and it's weighed me down a bit.
Given the "head a wobble" as mumsnet phrase goes and shall crack on now. I appreciate your responses, thank you all x

Yes, that's a problem, but what are you going to do when the kids are here? Sorry, you don't get to eat because of a situation you didn't choose to be born into?

I'm not going to justify myself and say how I raise my children
Nor should you have to; yet here you are...
Why?

I've found that one of the best benefits of ageing is that my "bovvered box" is completely empty and has been for years 👍

Don't take it all too personally - MN isn't reality.
Enjoy your weekend.

A vicious circle which is not going to solve any problems You mean the human race? Or are you proposing letting the human race die out?

I don't know really. I've done it quite a lot, not just about my family, all sorts. You're certainly not the First poster to point that out 😂

It sounds like Mumsnet isn't for you if it's getting you down OP.

You'll never be able to change other people's opinions, or stop them from posting them.

All you can change is your reaction to their posts if you choose to read them.

You do need a thick skin on the internet in general. Just remind yourself that most people have opinions without them having lived experience and it really doesn't matter what they think.

4 isn't that many

I have 0 so let's just say we balance each other out 🤣

4? That’s hardly a noticeably large family !

I worked tough Jobs since I was 15.
I've had horrific pregnancies and traumatising losses. I've been pregnant spanning 3 decades to bring my children into the world.

what does having tough jobs since 15 have to do with anything?

and you have 4 children over 3 decades? do at least one is an adult. how many children actually live with you op?

I don’t really think most people are bothered by other people having lots of children are they?

A family having (more than two) children that government support is needed to feed and clothe is the issue that I see being debated.

I’m on the fence about the benefit cap by the way.

I don’t think 4 children is a particularly large family either.

1 - 2 children = small family
3 - 4 children = pretty normal
5+ children = large family

( imo )

Couldn't care less how many kids people have, so long as the taxpayer isn't paying for them 🤷‍♀️

So tell me how adding more and more and more humans is going to help? We will forever need more and more which is ridiculous.

There are far too many humans on the planet and before long there are going to be real problems with enough food and water so the human race is going to die out before too long anyway. Probably not a bad thing given how we have fucked up the planet with our selfishness

All 4, I started young.
I actually had losses before my eldest, I could totally be a grandmother now which is insane.

Jobs = working to provide, just to clarify I've not had children to avoid work.

Firstly, yes you do sound like you might come on at any minute
Secondly, I won't have a word said against ketchup.
Thirdly, you get some very odd responses on Mumsnet so it's just best to ignore the negative/unhelpful/extreme view posts. I think posters often forget that other posters live in an entirely different circumstance/area/housing to them.

Yes this. Why do you care what anonymous people think of larger families or anyone else for that matter.

Personally i wouldnt like to have a large family but orhers do. I dont consider anyone elses opinion on my family circumstances

Yes you're being defensive, as long as you're content and happy with your decisions which you are then who cares? Strangers on the Internet will have a variety of opinions, it's not personal.

I think you have to be honest with yourself. Comments like this will only get to you if some part of you agrees with them. If someone told me I shouldn’t have had my one child because of climate change I would raise an eyebrow and not even give it a second thought. I would only become defensive enough to write such a long post if I was worried that actually they might be right.

it if you have 4 children over thirty years… what are their ages?

Eldest is almost 17, youngest almost 1.
Been pregnant (with losses) every decade since 2003 until 23.

so 4 children 17 to 1

Op… i wouldn’t blink if i saw this.

you don’t need to tell people about how you have worked in tough jobs since you were 15. who cares! you are seeing shadows where there are none