Deflated by opinions on mumsnet

[Lwrenn]

Clearly, we only have more than 2 children to claim child benefit, to fill empty voids in our hearts and because we have subpar intelligence and no careers, money, opinions or worthy input of our own.

Or we had gender disappointment.
We weren't responsible enough to take our pill correctly or use condoms.
We're environmentally selfish. We're participating in the failure of the NHS by having such large and burdensome families.
We are financially irresponsible, we don't effectively manage our time to ensure the needs of our children are met.
Our children must have nothing but clothes that are recycled from the 80s and live in shoes with holes in, they'll loose their teeth at sixteen due to negligence and they smell of raw sewage because the timely task of attending to our children's hygiene is lost on us as we sit and idly push parenting tasks onto our older DC to raise our babies for us.
Our kids eat nothing but frozen chips, cheap sausages and ketchup is the only 1 of the 5 a day offered because we clearly couldn't understand nutrition if we've had more than 2 dc.
(Ketchup being 1 of 5 a day is a joke. Just because someone will say how idiotic I am to suggest a good dollop of Tommy k consists of any nutritional Value!)

Anyone else feeling a bit defensive or am I just due a period?

I'm not going to justify myself and say how I raise my children but they're the happiest kids who absolutely thrive in a larger family. They have time with us individually whenever they need it and want for nothing. They even eat 5 fruits and veggies a day and my eldest is 18 next year and not one of my kids has needed a single filling. I know parents of 1 kid who's teeth won't last their 20s and I can say hand on heart I've genuinely tried repeatedly to help that mum.
Well I justified a bit.

I just feel deflated.
I worked tough Jobs since I was 15.
I've had horrific pregnancies and traumatising losses. I've been pregnant spanning 3 decades to bring my children into the world.
I'm sick of reading my children are filling a void, I just have no family outside of my kids, no cousins, siblings. I wanted them to have a life of love and company. They have that and now I feel guilty 🙄

Just ignore it.

MN is not the story about your life, mine or anyone's.

beautiful Sat morning

and you’re stewing about what some anonymous posters write in mumsnet

If you are sick of reading what anonymous people post on a chat forum and feel “deflated”, it’s time to get off mumsnet

and all sounds a touch hyperbolic anyway

Actually it's pissing down here.
I'm I'm also stuck in bed for a couple of days which isn't helping.

I only have one but as long as people are able to care for their children themselves I don’t care how many you have. Birthrate is dropping and if people are functional adults who are self sufficient it’s a good thing they have more kids to be frank. People who are unable to care for their children adequately shouldn’t be having kids that they can’t look after, it’s not fair on their kids.

I think most people can’t conceive how someone is able to have a big family and look after them properly really. I do think it can be done but it’s unaffordable for most who don’t qualify for welfare or have to juggle kids between two full time jobs.

Just don’t read it. Why would you think the opinions of people who don’t have experience of having a big family matter more than the opinions of the people who do have experience of having a big family?

our of interest

how many children do you have?

I am a single parent
if i look hard enough, ill find lots of judgement
but as i don’t look for it
i don’t find it
and consequently i don’t feel “deflated”!

Population decline is a more pressing issue than most people realise. They still seem to think that as a country we're overrun by children we can't afford to support. The truth is that we're struggling to support an ageing population, and quite urgently we need more kids.

@whichfan 4

Thanks everyone. Once I'm back and up and about with less time to scroll i'll give less of a fuck.
Enjoy your weekend 😁

Meh I have over 10 and stopped giving fucks what other people think many years ago.

I have a 27yo M a 20 yo F and a 16 yo F. Obvs we had one of each. But i Wanted a 3rd. The pull was real. We were married. Owned a house. We both always worked. I'm not academically employed. Neither was the husband but we done more than OK through our life. Their father is now deceased and I'm due to get remarried this year. I'm one of 5. Their father was one of 4. New husband is 1 of 4. It's just what we know and liked.

Fkem

I'm from a large family myself but only have 2 as we were older when we started, they are very close together and we couldn't afford more.

As long as people are raising decent citizens and can afford it then I don't care how many they have.

I watch a YouTube family with a lot of kids (not the radfords) and they all seem like nice kids and the older ones (in their teens) have part time jobs etc.

I'm one of 7 but my parents always worked and benefits were in their infancy when we were kids. However, that was in the days when it was far more acceptable to leave youngish children with no childcare. At times my dad worked night shift so would get up with little sleep to let my mum go to work if we were still toddlers but once we were over 4 then we'd just be left to our own devices but usually with an older sibling of around 10/11. Sometimes the kids from 2 or 3 families would be left together with one adult or teenager.

Nowadays you'd definitely be paying for childcare which is where the limitations start.

Don't worry op, you've done a good thing. In less than a generation's time, everyone will wake up to the real problems caused by an aging population and we'll be offered all sorts of incentives to have more children. It's happening in Japan and a few other places in the world already.

I always wanted lots of children but struggled too much with difficult pregnancies and births and ppd so I've decided to stop at 2. I'm full of admiration at mums who can manage more. You are raising the future of our country and you deserve to be proud.

Yeah because the answer really is to keep having more and more children! A vicious circle which is not going to solve any problems.

Ignore people who don't have a clue. Yes, there are some bad examples of large families, but there are also poor examples of smaller families. Leave them to their little lonely family (BTW, to be clear so I'm not just doing what they are doing, that was my experience of being one of two. I know it's not the general experience, especially if there is involved extended family).

Why do you need complete strangers’ approval of a fait accompli? If I sat about being sad because people thought I was being ‘selfish’ in having an only child, who was going to grow up lonely, warped and incapable of sharing, that would be pretty irrational, don’t you think?

I have 4 children and couldn’t care less what people think.
DH and I dont get any benefits, my children are all well dressed, clean, happy at school, all participate in sport and the eldest competes at a high level, they have at least 2 holidays abroad a year and are growing up in a lovely home with lots of indoor and outdoor space and a bedroom each. Our only DD has her own en suite so plenty of privacy. They all get 1-1 time with both parents and get help with homework, reading etc.

whilst there will be many families better off than us, there will also be many who are a lot worse and lots of them will have less children than I do. The number of children you have doesn’t determine whether you’re a good parent or not.

I’m too busy to worry about what a stranger on the internet might think of my choices!

Ignore them. The internet is a strange place where some repeat whatever they've read here and think it's gospel.

We usually say we need a fertility rate of 2.05-2.10 for a stable population. UK fertility rate is currently 1.56 🤷‍♀️

Don't forget that mumsnet is a little microcosm of specific opinions and not necessarily related to real life. People only respond to topics that they are especially interested in, and post about topics that are motivating them at that moment. All men are not bastards, all relationships are not doomed to fail, etc etc.

You have to take it with a pinch of salt I'm afraid.

Most people posting here don't have the lived experience of a large family either. They are making assumptions and stereotyping. They may be struggling to cope with their one or two and can't imagine anyone else could possibly manage a large family when they find less so hard.

Really well said!

@Lwrenn don't let anyone elses opinions get to you! Some people just like to drag others down, particularly online & where its faceless like here.

I thought we were in the midst of a population crisis? I’m surprised people aren’t a bit more grateful for those having lots of children.