Why are three so much harder than 2?

[Newsenmum]

mostly curious as not sure I can convince dh just yet, but why is 3 so much harder than 2? For us 0-1 was very difficult. Lots of reasons there, probably not helped by ds having additional needs. Due to that, the jump from 1-2 has been incredibly easy in comparison! Age gap is 4 years. With another 4 year gap, is 3 still so much harder?

Also what car do you get? That’s what I can’t work out!

[NewName24]

It isn't.

I found 0 - 1 very hard.
1 - 2 a breeze in comparison
2 - 3 easiest of all.

[Newsenmum]

@NewName24

It isn't.

I found 0 - 1 very hard.
1 - 2 a breeze in comparison
2 - 3 easiest of all.

Why do you think it was easier?

Mumsnet is full of threads about how awful 3 is and how even though they love their kids, don’t do it!

[NewName24]

To some extent personality, but mostly, by then I knew what I was doing. (or 'we' knew).
You realise it isn't important when X or y happens, and when a, b, and c happen, it is 'a phase' which too shall pass. You don't think it is the end of the world or a major disaster. By then you realise the world won't end if whatever thing you stressed over with number one doesn't happen (routine, following exact rules, all the choices you make along the way).

[DonnatellaLyman]

2-3 is soooo much easier than 1-2 (or 0-1)

when they are older lots of things are more expensive - holidays, ticket offers etc are often geared up for 2 kids. Getting car seats in is annoying, but maybe better with 4y age gaps.

[theduchessofspork]

You can’t man mark

Also that’s an eight year gap between fort and last? Which means they will be at v different life stages which doubles up your taxi-ing duties

[Newsenmum]

@theduchessofspork

You can’t man mark

Also that’s an eight year gap between fort and last? Which means they will be at v different life stages which doubles up your taxi-ing duties

What do you mean by man mark?

I wouldn’t want them all close together and love the idea of giving each one lots of time when they’re young. Yeah ideally all at different stages!

[Newsenmum]

@DonnatellaLyman

2-3 is soooo much easier than 1-2 (or 0-1)

when they are older lots of things are more expensive - holidays, ticket offers etc are often geared up for 2 kids. Getting car seats in is annoying, but maybe better with 4y age gaps.

What kind of car do you have to get?

[CatchAButterfly]

We are 95% certain we’re not having a third, so can’t comment on that point, but just wanted to say that we found going from 1-2 a thousand times harder than 0-1!

[DonnatellaLyman]

We have a normal car and sit an adult in the middle back with baby RF in the front and airbag off. We rarely drive though in London.

[Canthave2manycats]

DC#3 was harder work than DC#1 and DC#2. Other than that, going from 2 to 3 wasn't a massive deal. And all of their car seats fitted in a Ford Focus!

[VivienneDelacroix]

Well, you have two hands and two knees for a start.

But our society is very much geared up for families of four. Finding a car with space for three car seats in the back is a struggle, lots of family tickets are for two adults + 2 children, holidays are a lot more complicated and disproportionately expensive with three children as most hotels' family rooms only fit four, for holiday accommodation you often end up paying for higher than you need (eg Center Parcs - I know I'm sorry- villa for 4, or for 6, so you pay for 6 people). Babysitters or family who can help out from time-to-time are far less easy to find with three.

The dynamics of three are really tricky too - one always seems to be left out (usually the youngest).

Obviously I love my youngest, but I would hard not recommend three.

[Canthave2manycats]

@VivienneDelacroix none of my three has ever felt left out! They all seem to think they are the favourite child!!!

[toomanyleggings]

We find 3 hard. You’re outnumbered. Love the third one to bits but logistically it’s a challenge. For a kick off the first two always played nicely together. They leave the youngest out a lot so she’s just frustrated and left out. Secondly, when they all want to do different things you can’t have an adult with each one. I’ve also found the youngest one has high levels of frustration because she wants to do what the older ones do all the time and can’t so lots of kick offs and tantrums. Sports extra curriculars I can see being very difficult going forward unless you have a grandparent to pitch in with pick ups and drop offs. Then you’ve got the family holiday issues. Lots of hotels will only accommodate families of 4 as above so you end up having to compromise with where you want to go or pay more. Having said all that these decisions are not usually rational people tend to go with their heart when considering another baby

[BelindaOkra]

0-1 easy
1-2 bit trickier (but ds1 disabled & he initially found a sibling tricky)
2-3 a nightmare (although no problems from either sibling)

3 years between each.

A lot of my issues were due to the extent of ds1’s needs. He’s always been non-verbal & very mobile. Not helped by ds3 being a feisty character when younger. Couldn’t go out with all 3 without an extra adult. I’d have ds1, ds3 and the dog all running in different directions. Luckily we had a decent amount of direct payments & I’d have someone come in 10:00 - 4:00 every day of the school holidays so we could get all 3 out. We were very lucky ds1 grew up in the Blair years. He also had overnight respite so we could take the other two to the cinema etc - they were a doddle alone - even when ds3 was being feisty.

Love having 3 now though, & it has been good for ds2 and ds3 to have each other. Now adults they’re very different personalities but very close - something about sharing a whacky childhood. It was good for ds1 to have siblings as well.

Car wise we had things like grand scenics or s-max’s - but always had motability which made car life a lot easier. When little we had all 3 in the back in a row. As they got older ds1 tended to go back into the 7th seat.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I’ll let you know in 7 weeks when DS is here. We have 2 DDs currently - 10yo and 3.5yo.

The things I’m worried about:

• I can’t cuddle them all at the same time
• We’ve sorted car seats for my Hyundai Tucson but if anything goes wrong, our other car is much smaller!
• DDs are now sharing a room but we’ll have to move soon
• Paying for three for everything… Holidays, Christmas, birthdays, clubs.
• Making sure each child gets 1:1 time with DH and me.
• We will have massive age gaps

However, I absolutely adore my DDs and they can’t wait for their brother to arrive. Going from 0-1 was so hard because we didn’t know what we were doing and DD1 was a complete Velcro baby. Going from 1-2 was a breeze by comparison as we knew what to expect and DD2 just slotted in. DD1 being older was helpful because she was that little bit more independent.

[DustyLee123]

Our third one had no choice but to tag along to what the first two were doing, so has turned into a very accommodating child.

[bravotango]

I was in a three so different to parenting three but I think it's basically parents are outnumbered so when the kids are small it's hard work keeping an eye on them, and then I think generally the world is built for 2 person families (have to get a bigger car, house, don't get the 2A2K deals)

[toomanyleggings]

The other thing is illnesses last forever. In our house if the littlest brings something back from nursery everyone gets it in turn so you can have six weeks of illness for one bug. If they’re all ill at once that’s no better because it’s hard to look after three at once especially as it’s usually one parent because you can’t both take time off really. Chicken pox was horrendous for us as was noro and tonsillitis

[ForensicFlossy]

2-3 was easy. 3rd fits in with everyone else and we found that she was massively entertained by her older siblings.

[Louoby]

I have currently a 8 year old, 3 year old and a 21 month old.
0-1 hard
1-2 easy (bigger gap)
2-3 awful, hard and just life changing! lol

[Newsenmum]

@Louoby

I have currently a 8 year old, 3 year old and a 21 month old.
0-1 hard
1-2 easy (bigger gap)
2-3 awful, hard and just life changing! lol

Is the last baby more difficult? Life changing in what way?

[ItsAllAboutTheDosh]

I come from a family of three which is obviously different to being a parent. But issues were one being left out a lot. And family outings were hard as everyone liked different things.
You would have a 5 year old, 9, and 13 year old. Hard to find places they will all enjoy.

[Newsenmum]

@ItsAllAboutTheDosh

I come from a family of three which is obviously different to being a parent. But issues were one being left out a lot. And family outings were hard as everyone liked different things.
You would have a 5 year old, 9, and 13 year old. Hard to find places they will all enjoy.

Who’s the one that tends to get left out?

[ItsAllAboutTheDosh]

The middle one.