AIBU-to ask how big families 50+ years ago did it?!

[mamabeeboo]

DM and MIL are both one of 7, great aunt is one of 14, FIL is one of 12...and the families just get huge going back only a couple of generations... How did they do it?

I'm interested to know how the general set up was and day to day life...

Where did everyone sleep? How big was your fridge? Did you all shower everyday? Was there a conveyor belt of 200+ nappies a week?

I've asked DM who said they all used to sleep in a king sized bed top and tail, and they had "partners" so the older kids would partner with the younger kids to get everyone ready and out the door for school.

Would love to hear from those from big families back in the day - when you didn't have a prep machine, shopping delivered and washing machine on the go 24/7!

I'm not from a big family, but even 40 or 50 years ago children probably had two baths per week. Most people didn't even have showers!
Mothers probably didn't work - may have shopped several days a week, and had different weekdays allocated to different tasks. Monday was for laundry - took all day, with a twin tub.
I guess in big families, the older ones had quite a lot of chores.

My DM is one of 7 from the 50's. Lots of being chucked outside in street (or maybe garden when very young) with pram and smallest all day. No food choice obviously, lots of washing/soaking of nappies but only wearing same two/three outfits in a week. One bath a week with shared water.
Not sure about beds, she has never mentioned it so I reckon shared until late childhood then on own.
Food shopping was everyday at local shops.

You went shopping every day, you didnt have loads of excess food sitting in cupboards.
You didnt wash things after a single wear or change your bedding/towels several times a week.
No showers
When I was growing up in the 1970s my nan and grandad still had the tin bath hanging on a nail in the yard. It was brought in once a week, filled with a kettle and people shared the water.
The older ones had a lot of responsibility

I’m 45, we had one shared bath a week growing up.
Real nappies meant you were potty trained earlier.
clothes were only washed when dirty.
i had a friend who had three sisters and a brother who lived in a 3 bed house. All four girls slept in two double beds in the same room.

My grandad was one of ten. He had a shit childhood.
not enough to eat, cold and hungry and playing in the street most of the day.
Even as an adult he felt in competition with his siblings, his main goal being to outlive them all.

My dad was one of 9 in a 3 bed house, 4 girls in one room and 3/4 boys in the other due to the oldest moving out etc. They shared double beds. Bath was probably weekly, maybe more frequent latterly. They played out in the day time. My granny did her food shopping a few times a week etc at the butchers, they lived fairly rural and she didn’t drive so I presume she got the bus into town or my grandad brought her in. Nappies were not disposable ones. She had no washing machine at the beginning so everything was hand washed. They were actually quite well off to be fair, they were the first family on their street to have a car I think.

🤣 of course there was no fridge & showers (at all, let alone daily) are a relatively recent norm.

A boys bedroom and a girls bedroom. Loo out back, weekly baths for all. Everyone, well, girls mainly, helping out. Leaving school at 13 and starting to bring in a wage. Bread for breakfast, daily shopping for meat for dinner.

Oh and very few clothes, not washed after every wear. Out of (Terry) nappies at 1 so only one child in nappies at a time.

I'm not from a big family, but even 40 or 50 years ago children probably had two baths per week. Most people didn't even have showers

One bath a week with the water or the bath shared with a sibling. No shower.

My mum was one of 13 spread over 20 years. She was in the older cohort. There were 2 infant deaths after her that created a gap.

She slept in a bed with her sister. 4 sisters in one room with two single beds. The older children 'minded' younger ones from about 8-10. Taking a baby in a pram for a walk, etc. The older children read to the younger, bathed them, etc. Every child had chores that were done daily - laying/clearing the fire, mopping, washing the front step, polishing shoes.

It was the norm to leave school at 14 and go into a trade and then pay 'keep' for bed and board until they married and left home.

Her family were highly unusual in that each child was offered the chance to stay on at school if they desired. My mum and her four sisters did and all have undergraduate and post-graduate degrees. One aunt has a PhD. None of her brothers did. It has created quite a class divide 3 generations on.

My dad was one of 12 and was dragged up, he was the oldest boy and worked on a pig farm before school from 12, his dad wasn't a nice man and had another family. They shared double beds, 3-4 to a bed. My dad's mum never worked and again wasn't the nicest of woman but I believe she done her best, or what she thought was her best. My dad's sisters all learnt to cook and sew from a young age and the boys all done 'man' work. When my dad meet my mum he was basically the bread winner of his family so their was a big fall out when he married my mum and moved out. He still saw his family but apart from 1 brother he wasn't close to them. The weird thing was he use to go to his dad's mistress house and eat their and her kids my dad's half siblings use to spend time at my dad's house. Was very blended to what he said and the two woman got on.

I was born in the 50s and, as a child, did not know anyone with more than 3 children in my age group. My parents peers born after WW1 tended to have large families and there was extreme poverty.
When I was small, most people did not have a fridge or washing machine -it was around 1960 when we got a TV, fridge and twin tub washing machine. We had hot water and a bath but did not know anyone with a shower. Phones were rare.
Baths were twice weekly and Monday was wash day. Women did not go out to work until their children were around secondary school age.
I am aware that many other people lived much harsher lives then. If you watch the early series of Call the Midwife you can see the terrible housing conditions many had in the 50s.

I would add that it was rare for anyone to stay at school past 15 or16. I think it was 5% to 10% of people in higher education, with more boys than girls staying on.

My mum was one of 5 siblings (albeit this was in Portugal). 1940s/50s. I would say abject poverty but probably did better than others at the time (and still probably better than a lot of 3rd world countries today)

2 small bedrooms shared by the 5 kids. And then just a kitchen (no other living space). Hole in the ground outside as a loo. Water taken from the well to have a weekly bath in the tin tub.

Ate from the fat of the land, so whatever veg and fruit was being harvested on the couple fields they owned. One year all the crops failed so all they had to eat for months was broad beans. Had a little barn with chickens and rabbits for meat and the occasional pig. Her mother would bake fresh bread every day .

obvs no electricity, no modern appliances (her mum had to wash the clothes of a family of 7 by hand). But she was a very proud woman, mend and made good with everything, made clothes then became hand me downs and her house was always spotless. Hot home made food on the table every lunch and dinner (even if just broad beans!). Absolutely zero food waste.

to this day my mum (74) is extremely frugal, won’t spend a penny without it being absolutely necessary. Won’t throw away any food whatsoever. Rarely buys anything new (think the sofas are 30 yrs old but in immaculate condition) but anything she does buy knew she buys top quality so that it lasts for years. I wish she would sometimes relax a little about money (they are pretty comfortable - not loaded but comfortable) but it’s just not in her DNA!

I’m laughing at the idea of showers back then. I tried to find a flat to rent with a shower in the mid 90s and they did not exist.

Middle one of five in a small 3 bedroom council house. 1950s. Three boys in one bedroom, two girls in the other. Bunk beds. As the children got older, we all had jobs to do, dishes etc, although my Dad would always wash up if he was home. He worked 12 hour shifts, but would always help with fire lighting, nappy changes etc. He came from a simply enormous family himself so would never be idle when jobs needed doing.
We had no car, and could only go places by bus. I was given a few pennies a day to get the bus to school, but always walked and spent the money at the sweet shop!

Food was home made, the local shop did deliver groceries. Mum would buy tins of broken biscuits which were a great treat! We had a joint of meat every Sunday, then it would reappear as rissoles etc through the week. Then it would be home made pies, fish on Friday (Catholic) We rarely had chicken, but we had one at Christmas.

We certainly didn't change underwear daily! We had a bath before Sunday teatime, then had our tea by the fire to dry our hair, BBC serial on in the background. Sunday was one of the few days we had pudding, it was always trifle with loads of custard.

We didn't have lots of books but the little branch library nearby was my second home, and I escaped into other worlds there.

I've read child care guide books from 100 years ago,

The expectations of parents/mothers was much lower!

Most women worked except the very wealthy.

Older siblings/aunts/grannies minded infants whilst the mums worked.

Babies were put out the back in prams & just brought in for a nappy change/feed every 4 hours. They were all left to cry & not cuddled. They were weaned onto solids from a few weeks old.
Out of nappies by 18m.

Disabled DCs were removed at birth & put in institutions, exceptionally good parents would visit these children occasionally.

DCs were expected to do paid work as soon as they could & would leave school to work full time from 14.

Every street had a corner shop, food was bought daily.

Shared baths one a week.

Monday was laundry day. Clothes didn't get washed more than weekly. Sunday best was kept nice, other clothes were repaired until they were completely worn out. Clothes were handed down.

DCs wouldn't have more shoes than Sunday best, winter boots and every day shoes.

Corporal punishment was the norm at home & in school. If DCs were disruptive at school or fell behind academically they'd be sent to special schools.

DCs didn't stay in the house during the day, toddlers were sent out to play and only came in for meals. 5 year olds walked themselves to school & would run errands for parents.

DH was one of 5 brothers within 7 years. For his first 5 years they were in a two bed terrace with no indoor toilet or running water, just an outside toilet and one tap in the cinder yard.
No central heating obviously.

Baby was in with mum and dad, three boys in one single bed topping and tailing. Cloth nappies so endless washing that involved boiling the water on the stove. Tin bath once a week. Chamber pots in the bedrooms. Dad and kids came home for lunch so she provided three meals a day for 7. No fridge so shopped daily trailing a baby and a toddler. There was help from family who lived nearby but not insofar as regular childcare. Dad worked and when the youngest went to school mum started cleaned offices early mornings and at nights. By then they’d got a three bed council semi with an indoor bathroom, hot and cold running water and central heating. Three boys in one bedroom and two in the other, sharing beds. Free school uniforms and later on, free school meals so running home for lunch stopped.

Mum worked hard but both parents were shy with the praise and quick with the shouting and dad was quick with his fists. It was a tough life. All boys left school at 16. DH went on to professional success, another has a stable job, the other three have struggled.

Crucially they had a village, and perhaps only one working parent.

Where did everyone sleep? How big was your fridge? Did you all shower everyday? Was there a conveyor belt of 200+ nappies a week?

My mother was one of 6.
They didn't have a fridge.
Of course they didn't shower everyday (that is a modern thing). They didn't have a shower. They had a tin bath in front of the fire. Water heated up on the stove. They went in two at a time. I think they had a bath once a week or once a fortnight.
There were 1 or 2 children in nappies at any one time - not the whole lot of them. Cloth nappies obviously.

Laundry day was Monday and everything washed by hand and put through the mangle. Water heated up on the stove.
Clothes were not changed every day.

4 of them slept in one double bed and the other 2 in a single bed.

Obviously we don't want to go back to those times but it kind of really pisses me off when some people, including in government (I'm in another country where it's really bad at the moment) are constantly preaching about being environmentally friendly and so on and telling us what we should and shouldn't be doing, particularly when it's aimed at an older generation who were living in an uncomfortable way as youngsters, but at the same time, in a way that was less damaging to the environment.

As a child in the 60s.....
Bath once a week. We didn't have a shower until mid-70s.
Didn't have a weekly supermarket shop. Well, there weren't any supermarkets. You shopped far more frequently so didn't need masses of fridge room.
We had our own beds, but everyone shared bedrooms with their siblings. When family came to stay, we topped and tailed then.

Mum was 1 of 17 .... it was shit!
A 3 bed house, outside loo, no heating, shared beds, shared bath water and expected to help with the younger ones.

I grew up in the 60s/70s, one of 6 children. Basically, people didn't manage. They survived but nothing more.

We had a bungalow with two double bedrooms. My parents had one room and my two brothers had the other. Us four girls slept in an unheated, uninsulated attic with one dormer window. It was indescribably cold.

We have one bathroom between us so had a bath once a week.

We had a family room with a coke boiler and a sitting room with a fireplace. Fire was lit on Sundays, and on very cold evenings in winter. Otherwise no heating.

There was no space, no privacy, no warmth. It was impossible to keep clean. No extras like school trips or clubs. My dm was overwhelmed by trying to feed us and manage on a pittance. We had one school uniform shirt each, washed at the weekend so I'm sure we smelled awful by Fridays. PE shirts & socks were brought home & washed once every half term. It was miserable & humiliating.. I left at the first opportunity and never went back.

I have one ds, we live in a spacious warm 4 bed house. DS has clean everything every day. He goes on every school trip, has hobbies and out-of-school clothes. His friends are always welcome.

I would have remained childless rather than give him the childhood that we had.

How old are are your DM, MIL, FIL etc?

I'm 51 and families that size definitely weren't the norm in the people I knew growing up.

My parents (mid 1940s) are from families of 4 (over a 10 year period) and 5 (over a 22 year period) respectively.
My GGP (early 1900s) were from families of 3, 1 (and don't know about the other 2 but dont recall any extended family so assume equally small).

I wasn't from a big family but there were lots of big families where I lived when I was little. They lived in 2 or 3 bedroom flats without baths, we went to the public baths maybe once a week and just got washed at the kitchen sink the rest of the time. No one's mum worked. For Christmas and birthdays you got one or two presents. No one went on holiday unless it was to stay with relatives. This was the early 60's.