AIBU-to ask how big families 50+ years ago did it?!

[mamabeeboo]

DM and MIL are both one of 7, great aunt is one of 14, FIL is one of 12...and the families just get huge going back only a couple of generations... How did they do it?

I'm interested to know how the general set up was and day to day life...

Where did everyone sleep? How big was your fridge? Did you all shower everyday? Was there a conveyor belt of 200+ nappies a week?

I've asked DM who said they all used to sleep in a king sized bed top and tail, and they had "partners" so the older kids would partner with the younger kids to get everyone ready and out the door for school.

Would love to hear from those from big families back in the day - when you didn't have a prep machine, shopping delivered and washing machine on the go 24/7!

With regards to contraception, my DM was refused the pill in the late '60's because the GP did not believe in contraception. She luckily was able to go to the family planning clinic instead but just because contraception was 'available' did not mean all women had access to it.

I got the pill in 1970 but had to reassure the GP I was engaged!

My mam was little in the late 50s and was only one of 3. She was very thankful for this as she says large families were often dragged up as she put it.
Her own dad was one of 14 and one of the youngest. He was violent as a result of an awful childhood.
Her best friend was one of 12 and she used to laugh as they couldn't afford a clock so had to leave the house to check the church clock to tell the time 🤣

My grandfather was born in 1919, the 11th and last child born (only eight survived). His father had two siblings (three others died in early infancy). His mother had two siblings. In the 1911 census one of the questions asked how many children a couple had had, how many had died, how many had survived. I find it quite interesting that couples often managed to space out births despite limited contraception. My grandfather’s sister had 20 month gaps between her six children in the 1920s and 1930s.

My dad is from a big family and there were 3 to a double bed and 2 beds in a room for the boys - they definitely buddied up and are still that way later in life the older ones es looked out for the younger not the parents - my gran would tell my dad that she would only wash so many ( I think 2 or 3!) of his shirts a week as otherwise she would never be done washing - also my gran would prop a baby bottle up and let the baby feed itself! She was always too busy and she would give the toddler a newspaper to rip up when she needed to get something done so she knew they would be occupied!

My paternal grandfather was 1 of 11. 10 lived to adulthood. He was born in the early 30’s. He was in the mid tier of children. The very youngest was born 6 months after the first grandchild. 21 years between the first and last borns. Their mum would have been in her 40’s having her last, after effectively spending large chunks of her adult life pregnant.

My maternal grandmother was the youngest of 6, born to a 40 year old mother, 18 years younger than the eldest.

Their parents were born in the 19th century.

My other two grandparents were born to younger parents, were from smaller and comparatively more affluent families. My maternal grandmothers mum was 20 years older than my maternal grandfathers mum, for example.

DDad was one of seven. Catholic. DGM felt ‘lucky’ because she had 20 years between oldest and youngest. She told me she never forgave the Pope when he made lots of changes to doctrine in the 1960s but retained the no contraception rule because she knew too many women who’d died from having a baby a year. She also commented that the parish priests would routinely tell her and her friends that it wasn’t an unforgivable sin because they understood the poverty those children would be brought into!

My Mum's last three babies nearly killed her. She had what we would call pre-eclampsia and would be taken into hospital for the last few months of her pregnancies. She told me she was given so many drugs to try and bring her BP down she would sometimes have technicolour hallucinations. Her final baby, when she was 45, she was offered a termination early on but refused. That baby died at birth. Her and my Dad finally gave up on the Church at that point.

I think being without my Mum for months on end certainly unsettled us. We had to manage as best we could, but people helped out. I remember being sent round to the lady next door every morning as my Dad couldn't do plaits!

Some of this is ringing true for me growing up in the 90s actually! Two baths a week, no shower, not wearing clean clothes every day (changed school shirts every 2 days and skirt lasted all week) and going out all day on bikes in the holidays with no phone. We did have appliances though 😆

I went to boarding school in the 80's and we only had a bath twice a week. So it was very rare to bathe/shower every day back then.

One step away from the breadline most of the time I should think.

There was 14 in my family and my mum was widowed quite young. It certainly wasn't the norm though, most of my friends had 3 or 4 in their families. My mum pretty much cooked, cleaned and washed from morning til night. I was one of the youngest, so my experience would differ from the older ones. By the time the youngest was born the eldest had moved out, so there was maybe 12 dc in the house at one time. We had a weekly bath, but by the time I was a teen we had a shower so probably showered every second day. My mum did a huge weekly shop (didn't have a car so had to drag it all home on the bus), and topped up from the local shop probably nearly daily. We would have been sent to the shop from around age 7 to pick up milk or whatever. We only had a small under counter fridge with an ice box. We had two sittings for dinner, kitchen was small so we didn't have a big table. When I was small the youngest two girls shared the bottom bunk with older ones, so six in 2 sets of bunk beds in one room. My brothers had bunk beds in the other room. Storage was a problem, we had two wardrobes in the room but due to lack of space my clothes were kept in a cardboard box under the bed, My mother probably did washing quite frequently, I don't remember, she had a twin top machine that didn't work properly so she had to wash the stuff in it by hand, we didn't have a dryer. We had no central heating, just a fire. Mornings we were called by mum but we got ourselves up and out, cereal for breakfast then bus or walk to school with older siblings. As we got older things got a bit easier for my mum as the older ones moved out, she got a decent washing machine and later a car, she even managed to do a bit of travelling. Women really did have it tough in those days, especially if they weren't well off.

My Mum is one of 11 children sounds horrendous but what you have to remember is that a few of the older ones had left home before the youngest were born. My youngest uncle is only 5 years older than me but is 16 years younger than his sister (my Mum) and she is not the eldest in the family!

This is true. My GP told me if I wanted the pill I had to pay for a private prescription, that was £5 for six months then 55p each month at the pharmacy. That was actually a significant sum for me, my rent on a nice 2 bed flat was £4.50 a week.

I didn't know anything about family planning clinics and no one told me, you couldn't go on the internet to find out about these things in 1971. As a teenager with a baby you might think the HV could have given me some useful advice but no she was just obsessed about proving I was doing everything wrong although she never actually found anything. When I found out The Brook had opened a centre near me I was thrilled, free contraception.

I don't think it is widely known that priests were often very supportive and would give absolution at confession if you confessed you were using contraception.

My mother wasn't a Catholic, my father was. When she had her second baby 2 years after getting married the Parish Priest came to see her and told her that if my father or his family was telling her that the church expected her to have a baby every year they weren't telling the truth. He said he was going to "have a word" with my father. It was five years before she had her third and final child. Not sure what was said but this was the early 1950s.

There is some belief that Pope John XXIII was likely to approve contraception but he died too soon. He was from a poor family and understood the hardship.

I'm one of 4, so not a massive family. We're 49-62 now.

Boys bedroom and girls bedroom.
DM was SAHM and shopped, cooked, washed every day. Seasonal food, smaller portions. Terry square nappies, and formula for all of us.
We did have a "modern" washing machine though, but only after we were all out of nappies! They were all scrubbed and boiled by hand.
No car - we couldn't all fit really, although we did sometimes all pile into the back of my parents' friend's van. No seatbelts.
Very few holidays.
When DM decided she wanted to study, she'd leave the current baby in a carrycot behind the till at the college bookshop.
We had a family pram and buggy which got passed round my siblings and cousins for years - I have a cousin 16 years younger than me, and photos of him in it. No new travel system for every baby.
Not many new clothes. Presumably the eldest boy and eldest girl had more! But new clothes were very much a treat, not something that got slung in the trolley with the groceries.
Lots of market shopping, but we'd occasionally get a taxi to a big supermarket and stock up.
No digital devices, they didn't exist. One TV, 3 channels. We read a lot - local library 5 mins walk away - and swam a lot - local authority did free sw

Accidentally posted too soon....

Local authority did free swimming for school kids. Boating club in the river near school kept us busy too. Youth clubs too. Lots of after school clubs free at secondary school.

Very urban lifestyle. No car, but we all piled onto plentiful public transport, and were allowed out by ourselves on it when we were 8. Family railcard took us all over the uk! We did get a car when I was a young teen, but often the elder kids would meet us by train!

Free higher education in those days too. We all benefited from that very much, apart from the youngest who chose not to study, although parents said they'd support it.

We certainly weren't poor. This was all pretty standard.

My grandmother got offered an indoor standpipe rather than use the one in the street in the 50s. The letter from the council points out the rent will go up as a result.
They got an indoor bathroom in the 80s.

Mind you the village only got gas in 2000.

My mum is one of 11, grew up on a farm in rural Ireland. 6 boys, 5 girls. They all went to boarding school, the girls to the convent, the boys to the one run by monks.

They all worked on the farm holidays / weekends and harvest. My granny put a lot of emphasis on education. Out of the siblings one brother took on the farm, one was a nun and teacher, several more teachers, a midwife, a couple running construction businesses.

Life was hard though, my granny used to raise turkeys to sell at christmas as her 'job' but also worked on the rest of the farm which was dairy. She was born in 1903, my mum in 1946.

There used to be three bedrooms in the farmhouse, one for granny and grandad, one for the boys and one for the girls.

My mum HATED boarding school, but the rest of her childhood was pretty idyllic apart from the 'Troubles' which started as she was going to university

6 of us in 60/70s. DM stayed at home and shopped every other day. Bought what was required nothing extra. No snacks outside mealtimes and we all sat at the table and ate the same. One bath a week one after the other. Single glazing and a coal fire in the living room and one bedroom. TV had 3 channels so we used our imagination and played outside in all weathers. I’m 51 so remember it all clearly, those were the absolute best days.

Children today have so many activities as and play dates parents spent half their time ferrying the children about. in the 70s and 80s, this didn't happen so parents had more time for work and housework

I was born in the 1950s to middle class parents. I was one of 5 but we had our own bedrooms, bathed daily and had a fridge, washing machine, etc. Many of my friends at school were similar to me in their homes and what their homes contained. But, as usual in those days, we kids had few clothes, one or 2 pairs of shoes and a bland diet. We also played outside without supervision a lot, as did all kids in those days.

We kids were considered unimportant in the home, and our opinions/feelings were neither sought nor heeded, but that was also the norm.

Mil was the eldest of 14 . Equal numbers of girls and boys - there was a girl's room and a boy's room , and they all slept in a couple of beds . Older kids had to look after the little ones, so MIL was basically the nurse maid all her life . They all played outside all the time , mother used to sit and watch from the porch.

Their father worked long hours and did no parenting - MIL said his main job seemed to be getting her mother pregnant.

I'm 55 so only go back as far as the 70s and not from a big family.

4 was considered a bit family them. Mothers didn't work and shopped several times a week. We had only the ice box as a freezer which stored a pack of ice cream or fish fingers.

Baths were weekly and washing not done as often.

I'm youngest of 7 born mid 60s so large families starting to be unusual. Dad worked night shift and would get up to do lunch. Mum worked during the day. When we were younger mum worked evenings and took in sewing work during the day. Often just paid in leftover material which she'd use to make clothes for us. Also hand knitted most stuff.

We rarely shared beds by the time I can remember. We did have cheap bunk beds by that point.

No shower, bath usually once a week and shared or shared water.

Shopping done more than once a week, small fridge, no freezer. Milk delivered daily and there was the fish can and a grocery van round a few times a week.

We were all independent at an early age, walked to and from school from 5. On wash day some of us would take bags to launderette while the rest was done in machine with mangle on top to squeeze out water.

We'd go to the swimming pool usually on a Sunday as it was cheap with no time limit and we could all have a shower there. Bottle of vosene passed round between boys and girls changing room.

I remember being hungry quite a lot but I was extremely fussy so it was mainly my fault.

There was not much in the way of benefits, I remember free school lunches coming in at some point so that saved me walking home and dad getting up.