Broody again...should I ignore my feelings or do we need to reverse vasectomy?

[Itsbeenabadday]

We have three beautiful, healthy, brilliant children. Aged between 8 and 2.5. My husband got a vasectomy just after our last child was born. We both agreed it was probably for the best amidst the sleepless nights and hard early baby stage. However, recently I have started getting that unbearable broody feeling again, it just makes me want to cry. The thought that at 37 this might be my last chance to have another baby is soul destroying. I haven't spoken to my husband about it yet as I know his initial reaction will be no and also he'd have to get his vasectomy reversed. I just feel like you only live once! I work with children every day and that isn't satisfying this biological craving for another child. I have looked into the possibility of adopting once my youngest is about 7 but I feel like this could potentially be a lot harder on my children due to high needs of children from care. I'm slowly realising that another baby is what I want. Financiallly we're alright, comfortable. We get a lot of pressure from my husband's parents to have more kids. No nieces or nephews to project my motherly needs onto. I just want a house full of love and noise. I mean it's already chaotic and noisy so what's the harm right? Experiences or opinions welcome! X

You're having this conversation with the wrong people- you need to talk to your DH.

You would be ridiculous to waste the time you have, with the children you have, pining after something that may never happen - vasectomy reversal is not a certainty.

Can't you project your "motherly needs" on to the children you already have?

This…!
I’m always bemused at people having huge families because “they just LOVE children!!”.
You’ve got children 🤷🏻‍♀️
People with fewer children don’t love them any less.

It's your body literally throwing out hormones at you telling you to propogate the species. Your brain and hormones are playing a trick on you to try and keep the human race going - just wait it out and you'll be fine!

Why is your family pressuring you to have more children?

I find your wording bizarre. “Do we need to reverse vasectomy?”. There is no “we”, the only person who can make that decision is your husband.

To have committed to a vasectomy your husband must have been pretty sure he doesn’t want any more kids. If you feel that strongly you should discuss your feelings with him but it would be wrong to pressure him into a reversal. You’re probably going to have to make peace with this one and ride the hormones out.

This is so accurate! This is Mother Nature’s way of ensuring we continue as a species. You have three children - more than enough to occupy you. And they never stop needing you as they grow up, it’s just different needs.

This is fairly pointless isn't it? Even if you had 1000 replies on here all telling you to absolutely go for it, the only person who actually gets any say whatsoever is your husband. Speak to him and decide what you want to do together.

You have three children. Focus on them.

Reversal not guaranteed to work. My BIL actually lost a testicle after this surgery and still no baby conceived.

I'd speak to DH, I'd pick my moment carefully!!!

I wouldn't expect him to be thrilled at having the op reversed then redone at some stage. A lot could depend on what his experience was like.

then obviously how much he'd like another baby!

you say you're comfortable, that's great now, but they get more & more expensive & need more space in the house/car...

really think long term & if you think it would be ok, talk to DH.

3/4 kids isn't what I'd call a 'large' family.

then obviously how much he'd like another baby!
Presumably he didn’t have a vasectomy lightly.

You lost me at already having 3 children!!! Concentrate on them OP.

IF there is still such an urge, look into fostering.

As pps have said, only your dh can answer this question.

To the pps saying "I just don't understand people having large families 🤓", this is the Larger Families board. I wouldn't leap on to the Childfree Mumsnetters board and say "I just can't understand why you wouldn't want kids".

I don't have a large family fwiw, but find these comments ridiculous

Why?
Op’s dh has had a vasectomy…
Clearly they imagined they had enough children 😆

Hi, thanks for everyone's opinions and feedback.

I do focus on and love my chn and will do regardless of whether or not we have another baby.

I say 'we' because my OH and I are a partnership and we decide together whether or not we want more children including the decision about his vasectomy. I would never pressure him into having or reversing a vasectomy or having another child as he wouldn't pressure me into carrying a baby.

I will speak to my OH about it, however....I wanted options and experiences because of the hormone factor...as some of you have said, I may need to just ride this one out....in which case it's not worth bringing up with my husband.

Those of you that don't think it's a good idea, would you mind sharing your experiences and reasoning? Did you come from a family with 4+ kids? What was that like for you?

I truly appreciate all opinions, I just want to gather a wealth or experiences and opinions to consider. Ultimately I understand it is a joint decision between myself and my lovely husband :)

You might still feel broody after a 4th and then what?? Keep going until…??

As pp says your DH has made it clear he is done by having a vasectomy. I think the answer is clear.

He was actually very blasé about the whole thing...I know some men aren't but he is very easy going tbh. He had a good experience.

What will a fourth give you that the three you have do not?

I actually replied to the wrong person before....the blasé comment was regarded how he felt about his vasectomy.

Sorry, are you hard of reading? I said the op dh needs to decide since he's the one who had the vasectomy. But the general "why would you want more than kids?" comments are silly on this board.

In my experience, having a larger family is focusing on the parents’ needs, not the children’s. I detest when parents of larger numbers of kids refer to each as “the arty one”, “the funny one”, “the quiet one” etc. The parenting is spread too thinly

Just another wonderful child like the ones I have I guess. Another sibling for them to play with. A bigger family network. I am estranged from my father's side and my husband's family live abroad....very far away. I know ultimately it is a selfish decision as having children always will be. I am considering the impact on our current chn and our relationship too. That was a really good question to think about. Thanks