Broody again...should I ignore my feelings or do we need to reverse vasectomy?

[Itsbeenabadday]

We have three beautiful, healthy, brilliant children. Aged between 8 and 2.5. My husband got a vasectomy just after our last child was born. We both agreed it was probably for the best amidst the sleepless nights and hard early baby stage. However, recently I have started getting that unbearable broody feeling again, it just makes me want to cry. The thought that at 37 this might be my last chance to have another baby is soul destroying. I haven't spoken to my husband about it yet as I know his initial reaction will be no and also he'd have to get his vasectomy reversed. I just feel like you only live once! I work with children every day and that isn't satisfying this biological craving for another child. I have looked into the possibility of adopting once my youngest is about 7 but I feel like this could potentially be a lot harder on my children due to high needs of children from care. I'm slowly realising that another baby is what I want. Financiallly we're alright, comfortable. We get a lot of pressure from my husband's parents to have more kids. No nieces or nephews to project my motherly needs onto. I just want a house full of love and noise. I mean it's already chaotic and noisy so what's the harm right? Experiences or opinions welcome! X

The discussion needs to be with your DH. I understand. I always hopes to have four children, and over 8 years did. The youngest is now 18 months and I've no desire to have more. Maternity wear and baby stuff willingly given away and openly 'past' the baby stage. I work with children too. DH was 100% on board. So yes, I do understand wanting another and don't think it means you'll be eternally broody.

Same. We discussed taking permanent measures during DC3's pregnancy but I couldn't do it.

However, I was sterilized during DC4's delivery (c section). I was very ready and happy for them to do it as I knew four was my limit.

Whilst I was pregnant with DC4, I realized a lot of my friends were from families with 4DC and they all told me how wonderful it was for them. My family experience so far mirrors that (DC4 is now 8). They are a lovely bunch, all play together, do activities together. We regularly go camping, swim, have family time and as they are getting older, they have their independence and autonomy too. I also work with children so have the school holidays, which is a big help as we don't live in the UK, where all of our family members are.

Of course, many people will tell you why they couldn't or you shouldn't do it. Ultimately it is up to you and your DH. I would not change it for the world.

The near you get to 40 and realise baby days are coming to an end the more intense the feelings. Sit it out, they go away.

Don't know if it's already been said and don't know where you live OP but in the UK vasectomies aren't reversible anymore I believe. At least that was what my DH was told two weeks ago when he went for an appointment for referral. Too many people were changing their mind (I think) about an elective procedure, and so they changed the procedure to make it irreversible. So even if your DP does agree to a reversal likely a GP will not.

Op considering your age, there's a bigger chance to conceive twins.

Nah. Get a puppy.

Best advice I ever got when I was broody.

Enjoy the 3 healthy children you have. Feel privileged and relieved you've been spared additional complexities disability brings.

Get a puppy?

Work on your boundaries with in laws. You say they live far away?? How much pressure can they be putting on you from another country? DH needs to manage that relationship better.

The idea that a puppy can replace a child is nonsense. If you want another child, you do. If dh does too and you can afford it then have another child.

I don't want a puppy lol. I think I may need to make peace with not having any more children. Having read through all the comments, there are a lot of valid reasons for not having another child that I hadn't considered. I will discuss with my husband either way to let him know how I feel.

Re pressure from in-laws (honestly I couldn't care less but it annoys me OH) they speak on a weekly basis on facetime and my FIL refers to my youngest sone as 'big brother' all the time (implying he will have younger siblings). It must be very annoying in deed and I am certainly glad I don't speak the language for this reason.

my FIL refers to my youngest sone as 'big brother' all the time (implying he will have younger siblings)
That is so not normal…

I would ignore the PIL they’re really utterly irrelevant.

I’d sat on fibre the feelings, you can’t have a baby everyone you get a broody feeling.

Ignore that should say.

I really wouldn’t have any more- I have 3 too and my eldest was 10 when we had the smallest. They still need lots of attention when they get older (of a different kind- the odd board game, homework, chatting about school, friends, ferrying to various activities and trips. In fact I think a 10-12 year old takes up more of my mental space than the 2 year old- and definitely more than the 8 year old!

Babies are cheap. What costs a lot is childcare when they are under 12, putting kids through university / college and helping them onto the housing ladder.

What are your plans for funding this?

What will be the financial impact on your own career, promotion prospects and pension?

Are you sure that you can financially support four children yourself if your marriage splits up ? I’m sorry to mention this but it happens to over a third of us. And none of these women expected it to happen either.

Definitely just a hormonal thing as you approach 40 abd you have no baby aged children- I felt it a few years ago as did other friends. We didn't have another but a friend did- she has 4 and does regret that now- all her children are lovely but her time is now so stretched she doesn't have the quality time I do or the money.

I have five and don’t regret it at all. I think everyone is different.

@Itsbeenabadday ahh, I feel a deal coming on! You have the baby (I'm 54, ship sailed on that one!!) I'll do the first 5 years, and have close 'Aunty' status after that!!