Is there anyone here with 3+ kids who isn't a high income family?

[WeightoftheWorld]

I've read a lot of the recent 'should I have a third' threads but they all seem to be high income families. I've no doubt there are good reasons for that! Yet still, is there anyone around who isn't a high income family and has 3 or more and if so how do you manage, do you have any words of advice, what are your biggest challenges, limitations or sacrifices? Our joint income both working PT is about £45k but I think if we were to have a third, I would almost certainly need to become a SAHM due to the childcare costs as I'm a low earner.

4 children on my own from when they were primary age. Low income family (10 years ago about 18,000).

I managed, we were poor but everyone was fed, clothed and had somewhere to sleep. State schools, walked everywhere, cooked everything from scratch, worked hard.

It just depends what you want your life to be like.
I had no choice as I was on my own and they were already in the world but it is possible to make it work......do you want sacrifice holidays, takeaways, a car etc to extend your family??

And my children have grown into very money responsible adults and young people at good unis and with excellent work ethics ....but that is not guaranteed!!

I have 4 children and I'm a lone parent. I don't work due to child's disability I am a carer.

I have a couple of friends where their household income is 40,000. Ways they save money:
Go outside on walks, they very rarely go to anywhere which involves spending money (e.g. cinema, theater, playgroups).
Don't eat out at restaurants, in the summer they will have a lot of picnics, even in the garden to mix it up a bit.
No new clothes, all from Facebook marketplace/ebay/charity shops.

IL’s have 3DC. They used to be high earners, but now they’re not.

I think they find it much harder (expensive!) now they are teenagers, than when they were little. They don’t go on holiday now as they buy their DC the clothes and brands etc that they want, but that’s their choice.

Well I'd suggest that one or both of you need to work full time? You are "low" earners out of choice rather than necessity as two adults working part time is somewhat of a luxury?
I have 3 and I earn circa £70k but massive childcare bills as I have twins - childcare is twice that of my mortgage at £2k per month

It's not quite the answer you are looking for but I would say having 3 children needs to be a really conscious choice. Not just about money but also time and energy. Frome it felt like quite a leap from 2. It is noticeable that we are always busy and have less time for just chilling. We love family life and get a lot of pleasure from what we have, but it wouldn't be for everyone. It can also be very expensive, especially as they get older. You would need to go into it happy that you just aren't going to be able to have holidays as much and that your children may not always be as to have the extra experiences/clothes and things that they might like. All that is fine, but it is a choice and you need to fully think it through beyond the baby years.
We have a high household income and use it to pay for help like a cleaner and gardener. We also spend quite a bit on holidays and general entertaining activities. I think I would find it very hard without some of the help that money provides. Good luck with whatever you decide!

We have 3 and we are (now) the squeezed middle. Not low income enough to get any help with anything at all, but it's really really hard surviving on our household income.

This wasn't the plan - the finances I mean, we've had some shitty luck along the way meaning both DH and I lost jobs and are not where we hoped we would be financially now.

We always planned to have three kids, and obviously I wouldn't change it now but with the COL now we are really struggling. My eldest is planning uni and I have no idea how we will be able to make that work.

Also working full time and having three kids isn't easy! I'm permanently exhausted with no spare money to take a break anywhere. And my kids are teens when it is supposed to be "easier" than toddlers - it's really, really not

So yeah .. it's tough... If we knew what our finances would become we would have stopped at one!

We have 3 and household income is about £35k. Our youngest starts school in September and I'm job hunting. I've done some part time work since she's been born but my husband is currently the only earners for various reasons. Prior to her being born I was working part time and before our second was born I was full time.

I think doing it on a low income is doable if your outgoings aren't too much. Our mortgage is £750 and we always fix it for 5 years to try and ride out any uncertainty. I am very frugal and spend a lot of time managing our finances very carefully, shopping for deals and planning carefully. I save for everything across the year - Christmas, birthdays, holiday, car service, mot etc. We put money away every month for children's clothes, haircuts, prescriptions - basically, everything you can think of. It means we have a fairly large pot to pull from when things happen. What this means is that we don't really have much left for fun stuff. Most of our fun stuff involves free community events, woodland walks, picnics in the summer, beach trips (mostly to beaches with nothing that needs paying for) etc. When freebies come up we do those. Because we save money each month in the way that we do, it means that quite often we over save (eg car service and insurance usually come in cheaper) and so we can use that for things that we want to do like take the kids to the cinema or a meal out. We manage to do one paid thing a month.

We have an OK amount in savings and no debt. We manage well, but we have no prospects at buying a bigger house at the moment, or a new car which we'll need soon. We need new carpets and furniture, but we manage and cobble together.

Finding a job is important to me but it will only be part time for now as our children have lots of hospital appointments and additional needs so we need to find a balance. The plan is several years of me working part time to give us the ability to save more so we can move house and get a new car and then I'll go full time and we'll move.

I think a strategy is important if you're going to have a larger family, not on a high income.

Genuine question...
Why would you want a third child if it meant you were 'managing', rather than 'thriving'?

I became a single parent to 3 when my youngest was 3.

I was a low earner with tax credit too ups - I worked full time on min wage.

It was hard.

Why can't one or both you work full time?

Yes this, you have to put the kids you do have first. If sounds like in your case it’s going to stress the family emotionally, financially and in terms of time to parent. If that’s correct it would be wrong to do it.

There was another thread on changes to UC so I would look into that if it would affect your decision to have more than 2.

We both work PT because of childcare costs. We'd be no better off at all if either of us increased our hours atm because the extra childcare would cost more than my wages and would be exactly the same as DH's.

However, DH earns a lot more than me so if we had more kids I would have to give up work completely and he'd go back to being FT. I did allude to this in my OP by saying I am a low earner, but sorry if that wasn't clear.

We aren't eligible for any UC or anything anyway so it's not a factor. We just use the tax free childcare for both kids, and the 30hrs funding for eldest. Which obviously we would lose if I became a SAHM but then we wouldn't need the childcare then anyway of course.

Totally appreciate this, we are undecided about a third. We don't want to put our kids in a financially precarious position. However, I think there many benefits to a larger family that are more important than SOME of the things that extra money can buy. Neither me nor DH come from a wealthy family so our childhoods didn't involve lots of paid activities or holidays anyway so I'm sure that affects our viewpoint compared to perhaps people born into wealth. Of course there is a balance to be had though, Im not going to make a decision that would plunge my kids into poverty or anywhere near it obviously.

There's actually inverse correlation between household income and number of kids - the more money you have the fewer kids on an aggregate level. Also true for education.

I'm interested to know what benefits there are to having a larger family that's more than money?
I was raised in a poor family, it was horrible and not something I would ever inflict on my children.
My brother has 3 DC, they are in a lot of debt and can't barely afford the essentials despite 2 ft working parents. It's a miserable existence and stressful!

Yes I am aware of this.

The same benefits for siblings/families as having one or two, just more? Why does anyone ever have any kids then? Not sure I understand your question as for us it's the same things as why we had number one and then number 2 anyway.

I'm sorry for your experience but as I've said obviously I wouldn't have another if it was going to result in debt and poverty! But there is a a vast vast middle ground between expensive holidays and poverty.

As I've expected, this thread has mostly attracted answers from people who don't have the experiences I've asked for unfortunately. Which is a theme of most threads on MN where the experience asked for isn't the most common experience.

OP remember the 30 hours free childcare that’s being increased to cover children from 9 months for eligible households.

April 2024 - 15 free hours for 2 year olds

September 2024 - 15 free hours from 9 months

September 2025 - 30 free hours from 9 months

Though we might have a change of government soon I can’t see labour scrapping it as it is so sorely needed.

tbh if your DH working full time cost the same as his not at the moment it’s still better financially for him to work full time, he might progress faster at work and will get larger contributions to his pension.

It is a hard thing to decide on, me and DH always said we’d like 4 but I don’t think that’s achievable for us anymore. We’re pregnant with our second now and have time to leave it a good few years to see how we get on before deciding to go for the 3rd.

I know a lot of families with 3+'children.

Some are definitely not high income, but the mother often works very part-time (often in a school to fit around school hours).

If you live in a cheap area, and can be very frugal with money, it can work.

Where it doesn't work is when you are both cash poor and time poor.

The large families I know who don't have a lot of money make it work because they are not time poor. The mums walk everywhere with the kids, everything is homemade, lots of cooking from scratch, lots of "no spend" days, ie every penny is accounted for.

When families are stretched financially, but also working lots of hours and rushing about, it looks really difficult.

I've just read @MaverickSnoopy post and I think she puts it better than me.

If you can have the time and focus to structure your life like that then I think it can work.

We have a decent income, but each work lots of hours, and have no family help. We are very time poor. And for that reason would struggle with 3, although he would have possibly liked a third.

I've got 3 who are no

3+ children seems to be the norm in my circle of friends.

We had 3 and were on around £38k, I was a SAHM so no childcare fees outside of any top up fees for preschool.

It was bloody hard, but not horrific. I'm back at work now, went back when my youngest was 9 and DH got promotions so we now earn £110k and still have to watch our spending 🤦‍♀️

I'll start again as I pressed send too soon!

I've got 3 who are now teens and I'm a single parent with a household income including wages and child maintenance of just under 50k. I'm not entitled to anything other than child benefit.

Honestly it's fine. I manage one all inclusive foreign holiday a year, I run a car and buy tech and branded clothes for the kids for Xmas and birthdays.

I think I am quite frugal in some ways - I don't drink, eat out, I'm not interested in shopping for clothes so buy very little for myself and I'm also not interested in buying stuff for the house such as new furniture etc.

I don't buy things like squashes or fruit juice- everyone in the house drinks water, but other than that we get what we want from the supermarket within reason and have the occasional takeaway from McDonald's.

When the children were little I was married so that was a bit easier financially, but I've always worked when not on maternity leave. My children were spaced such that maternity leave covered some of the more expensive childcare years for the older ones. I now work full time and have done since they were all in school. I've been a single parent since the youngest was 4 and I made use of after school clubs and flexed my hours so I didn't need childcare before school.

I don't feel we are squeezed financially even in present times, although I don't live somewhere expensive like London. I can afford to run the heating whenever it's cold. I can comfortably cover all my bills. I do feel we are a lot better than 'just managing'.