Is there anyone here with 3+ kids who isn't a high income family?

[WeightoftheWorld]

I've read a lot of the recent 'should I have a third' threads but they all seem to be high income families. I've no doubt there are good reasons for that! Yet still, is there anyone around who isn't a high income family and has 3 or more and if so how do you manage, do you have any words of advice, what are your biggest challenges, limitations or sacrifices? Our joint income both working PT is about £45k but I think if we were to have a third, I would almost certainly need to become a SAHM due to the childcare costs as I'm a low earner.

Car...I can recommend the older shape Q7. The 2010 to 2014 model. Fairly cheap to pick up now, very reliable, not too bad looking and the biggest boot and back seat space for 3 DC we found, and we tested loads of different cars with 7 seats.

I have 5 dc and we are in a low income since dh lost his high paid job just after our youngest was born. It is hard and older kids have expansive tastes. A trip to soft play can cost nearly £100 and you only get 2 hours so not enough to wear them out.

Haven’t read the whole thread…

we did! We have three, youngest now at Uni. I stayed at home with each for the first two years, then worked part time around school hours until they were all in high school.
we were lucky with the housing market and had2have a nice home, with room for everyone.
when they were little we had cheaper holidays, usually a gite in France or Canvas caravan in Italy, always book flights or ferry really early.
all of ours went to state school and we would not choose private regardless of money situation.
we have lived in safe, fairly rural villages so a good community and free fun has always been an advantage. It’s not possible to have takeaways etc so they didn’t miss out.
tbh we often put holidays and cars etc on a 0% credit card and hoped for the best. We both earn much more now than we did then and all debts are paid off, we even have savings!
I wouldn’t change a thing. I loved and love having three.

Yes, even the simplest trip with DT to soft play is £30+

£6 for each to get in, plus me, totals £14.

I'll take drinks and a snack, but they'll inevitably see other children eating the lunches/cakes/ice cream. £2 each for a cake. £6 each for a lunch. It's no fun for them to always hear no, when they see other children enjoying the food. I don't let them have the ice cream though. Then I'll have several cups of tea at £2 a go.

That's £36 already. Factoring in a third child you'd have, makes it £50.

Yes, there's free things to do. Walks. But only you know if you're happy only ever doing the free things, and won't feel sad that your DC only get a paid trip occasionally because it's so expensive with 3. This becomes more apparent when their peers with higher income families/no siblings/fewer siblings start talking about this weekend at the zoo, and the weekend before at the trampoline park, and the weekend before at the festival, and the summer holidays starting and they're going to a waterpark in Spain/Disney/whatever. And the other child can only repeat "I did some playing, went for a walk, and went to nanny's" 90% of the time. I don't believe in spoiling DC at all. But I do believe in them being able to experience as much of the world as possible, including the country they live in.

I'd have loved a 4th. It would not have been fair to the 3 I have, to have another.

Laughing at the comment about me not being cut out to be SAHM! I do agree though...but then both my kids have been the same as toddlers re cooking dinner, literally stand at the baby gate screaming at me whilst I cook til it's done. And nowhere safe to put them in the kitchen til they are old enough to listen to and follow safety instructions because it's a very small kitchen. It's sliightly better with two as DC1 will sometimes successfully distract/engage DC2 but that's a bit 50/50 whether they can be bothered and whether DC2 will be happy to do that or insist on screaming at me and throwing toys through the baby gate bars instead...I also can't shop around with DC2 anymore he gets bored quickly in the pram now and starts screaming and I can't get him out as he's delayed with his motor skills so isn't a very steady walker yet and then would probably just want to grab everything off shelves and throw them...

We have a small mortgage so one benefit would be we could have more disposable income for trips out etc partly because of that. But the trade off is then being a bit squashed bedroom wise.

@ChristmasCrumpet @elliejjtiny you spend HOW MUCH on soft play????

Crikey, the one near us is £3.50 term time, £2.50 in school holidays. We do sometimes have lunch there, but surely most of the time you just eat immediately before going so nobody needs a snack till the end and you eat one on the way to the car?

@WeightoftheWorld there are ways around the cooking issue. It's tough when they aren't big enough to remotely listen to rules, and its not fun having them screaming at a baby gate. Prepwhen they are sleeping - I usually try to get lunch all on the table (fly covers!!! And soemthing that doesn't spoil quickly/matter if it goes cold. And I often make a dent in dinner prep too - e.g get all veggies prepped and sitting in saucepan, everything out ready including plates to serve onto. Slow cookers are great BUT tend to be for good thats on the "wetter" side andmy goodness do my lot make a horrific mess on the floor still... desperately looking forward to when stew is a viable option without ending up with some on the walls....

Shopping can be tricky with more than one little one. I do the majority on line. Otherwise I have to be ready to sing/read a book while we are in the queue.... some people probably think I've gone totally bonkers, but its better than screaming. I certainly can't let my DTwins out of pram/shopping trolley without total mayhem ensuing, even if I have my eldest (DD6) there to help.

Soft play here is more than £10 each for an over 4 year old (not sure how much exactly £11-12 I think) then £3 for me. We aren't allowed to bring in our own food and drink. I let them have the refillable squash which is about £3-4 each but I don't begrudge that because they get so hot and sweaty they will drink loads. Soft play is a once a month treat.

Same. Mine are only £6 each as they're 3. The bigger one in the town over, is super, but £12 per child.

I guess it depends where you are OP. 3 kids "up North" will be more financially manageable than South East for example.

We used to have a lovely Soft play 5 mins walk from us, £3.50 for 1-3 year olds, £4.50 for 4+ and free for under ones. Food was cheap and you could stay all day if you wanted which I often did when dh was working away and I wanted to wear them out. It closed down though and I really miss it.

I find that if you have the time you can find loads of free/cheap things to do with kids in the holidays. A lot of the council/charity run local stuff will charge per family instead of per child which works out good value. A lot of things that you have to book get booked up really quickly though so you have to be organised. We are lucky that we are only 30-40 minutes from the beach which is always a good, cheap day out. Museums normally have special events on in the holidays for about £2 per child. My kids are sick to death of our local one so we have started travelling to some others instead.

@WeightoftheWorld I earned a similar amount to you when my kids were small (well less but with inflation!), we decided against a third due to significant sn's (asd diagnosed when dc2 was 6 months, then further conditions with 3 letter acronyms plus was warned it could be genetic I worried!), you spend according to earnings I find - I have friends who brought up 4 on one minimum wage job plus top up benefits due to dc4 having very serious sn's their children didn't go without but holiday's were basic (camping or a holiday home in U.K. owned by a charity supporting families with disabilities) entertainment was the park with a picnic, free activities at the museum etc (it's where I met her!) My income increased significantly because eventually I found a job which i could work around appointments and school, and now exh got big promotions - yes I regret not having a third child, I definitely feel someone is missing but I've acquired 2 dsd's

Thanks for sharing, this also kind of makes me lean towards having another. There's definitely a reasonable possibility of both DH and I earning more in the future. It's not a given at all but it's reasonably possible I would say given our current earnings/jobs/skills/ages etc. And I feel we'd both be absolutely devastated to decide against it and find ourselves in a more fortunate position in the future and then be wishing we had done it. Whereas if that doesn't happen, things will be squeezed but we can definitely finance a third, it wouldn't be plunging everyone into poverty or anything like that (we wouldn't consider it if things were THAT tight).

Because perspectives can be very skewed by social media/celebrity culture. Thriving is everyone is healthy, well fed, a comfortable place to sleep, and luxuries like entertainment and education. If you have a smart phone, computer, TV and a car you ARE thriving. If you pay for haircuts, skin care or nails you are wealthy.

I can’t remember how much my DH was on when we had DC4, I was a SAHM at the time. We had 4 in under 6 years all planned. Holidays were one UK one a year, car was a second hand seven seater, we had loads of free days out to parks and beaches maybe one paid thing a month to the zoo/safari park/soft play. Most of the DCs clothes came from Asda/Tesco/Next sale. I don’t remember being worried about money, we weren’t rich but weren’t poor.

Rather than move we built an extension to our house so each of them had their own bedroom and we also added a playroom/second living room for space. Most of their activities when they were younger are relatively cheap like £15-20 a month for football etc.

I went back to work when they were all in school and the oldest two were at secondary school so didn’t need childcare. I think with four you REALLY need to think about work as childcare for three/four would be ultra expensive. Mine are all teenagers now and are very expensive both in food and clothes.

We have 4 children and husband earns an average wage . I love having 4. For some reason on here it's very anti larger family unless your reallllllly rich

Well, I can update this thread to say we did decide to go for it in the end and #3 is due next month! Thanks to everyone who replied and gave me some food for thought.

Awwww congratulations OP! That’s great news.

Many congratulations @WeightoftheWorld we have 4 I've mentioned on this thread and it's lovely 🙂

I know a family with 4 dcs who manage financially- one parent is a teacher and another is a part time teacher, so reasonable but not high income.
I get the impression everything is budgeted extremely carefully. The grandparents help a lot with childcare and also pay for holidays-
otherwise they have admitted to be they could only afford camping or similar.

we are a high income family and find it all more than expensive enough with just 2dcs.

Congratulations! Please update when LO arrives! X

Apologies for not rtft
congratulations