Anyone have 5 or more?

[Mbeelbals]

Hi I’m new to this
But I’m thinking about getting the implant removed and ttc for a fifth! I absolutely love my big family, but wondering if one more might be one too many or too much to handle
The little ones I have are 9, 8, 6 and 3!
Is anyone here considering more or how about those with five or six is it a lot more to handle
Thanks 😊

@Lazydaz

I have 4, my last one has sen, game changer for us as a family. We’re done.

A close friend of mine (eldest) had a similar situation. 3rd had serious SEN. Mother went in to have a fourth to 'prove' to herself she could birth a non-SEN baby. Wrecked the entire family.

@THATbasicSNOWFLAKE

I just love how people who think large families are a bad idea always seem to be looking at large families threads

No, they come up in 'active threads'.

Anyone can respond to any thread.

That's MN.

Hi OP,
I have six. The main changes between 4-6 on a practical basis were having to move to a bigger house and buy a bigger vehicle. This was in the days before online shopping so supermarket trips were an adventure! For what it’s worth, and in response to some of the other comments, 5/6 went to university, the other has an unusual niche profession. 5/6 are happily married / in long term partnerships. Grandchildren are arriving 😁. All are in good jobs or professions. We are all very close. I was mostly on my own for their upbringing but with a flexible job such that I did all school drops offs with other family or paid help for after school care. I worked throughout and reached the top of my profession about 10 years ago. No one has ever been off the rails or suffered additions etc. All seem well balanced. It actually can work out just fine.

I'm one of 8 (number 5) and from a Catholic background so knew lots of other big families. We definitely got less one to one attention than I'd like to give my own children. Some of that will just be due to it being a different era but a lot of it is that, lovely as my parents are, 8 children is too many to realistically keep track of.
Ultimately, once we were old enough, an "out of sight, out of mind" approach was applied to us, though I'm not sure my parents ever really acknowledged it. You could be doing whatever with whoever wherever but, unless it was causing an immediate disturbance, you were left to get on with it. I came out of it better than some of my siblings. Two developed quite significant problems in their late teens (one with drugs, the other in a cycle of various self destructive behaviours) which could likely have been mitigated had we had more parental involvement in those years.

I don't think I can rightfully say that my mum was one of those women who just loves babies but problems with younger children are much easier to identify and solve and we were looked after better when we were younger.

I get on well enough with my parents now but we do not have the sort of close personal relationship that my friends from smaller families have with their parents. What I have is broadly equivalent to the relationship they might have had to an aunt they saw semi-regularly growing up.

Do you have bedrooms for them all? For me - and this is a personal opinion of course - I wouldn't have more kids than I have bedrooms for. So I have two children and a 4 bedroom house.

Do you not think it's unfair to have 2 or 3 kids in one room?

My experience is like @VirginWestCoast. One of 7 and went to school and most kids were in families of 4 to 8. 1 or 2 was unusual.
Personally I think it’s a mistake, older kids often end up very resentful. We were ignored, no one was ever looking too closely. Rarely did anything together as there were too many of us.
My friend has 5 and they struggle for money and the kids constantly fight over who has has what. She complains about them and having no free time. They are going to uni now. She can give them literally nothing.

A bedroom each was not a ‘thing’ when I was growing up - and not for most of history! I personally shared with a brother and sister - not traumatised in any way. My six shared 2 to bedroom. The majority of the modern world don’t have a room each to sleep in. That’s a perceived luxury of first world countries.

@Teessider

Do you have bedrooms for them all? For me - and this is a personal opinion of course - I wouldn't have more kids than I have bedrooms for. So I have two children and a 4 bedroom house.

Do you not think it's unfair to have 2 or 3 kids in one room?

No. I live in a 2 bed place and would have had to stop at one child but had 2. It's fine. I'm a widowed mum and when awake people can be in a room on their own if they want as we have the downstairs as well as the bedrooms. Either I'm downstairs and they can be in a bedroom each or one of them downstairs. It's not such a hardship as people like to make out and they benefit from having each other.

Personally think it’s preferable for teens to have their own rooms. I know I would have hated sharing as would my girls. My room was tiny but it was mine. Depends on personality type I guess - outgoing extroverts would probably enjoy it - in our family we need our own space.

Surely the amount of attention parents are able to give their kids depends on how much time they have available and the effort they make rather than just the number of kids. There are probably onlies whose parents work very long hours who get less parental attention than some larger families where the parents have more time with them and make the effort to give individual attention

@Scottishflower65 well, yes, the mists of time show that it was the norm to cram kids into a single room but it's 2021. Most kids - especially teens- want their own rooms. Parents shouldn't keep churning out kids if they have to put 3 in one room IMO

@Miljea

I loathe the 'wouldn't change it for the world!' -statement, from mum.

I bet the older ones in your 5-8 strong family would.

As the older one, I certainly would have changed it if I could.

I have five now age range 24-14. Looking back I wished I had stopped at 3 or 4 - when they were little it all seemed great fun but as they have grown into teenagers and young adults who need a lot more parenting and attention than I realised it’s got harder and harder to divide the time up and feel I do meet everyone’s emotional needs. Plus you get older and your /your partners career hit peaks and the hours and demands outside the home get more plus you need to earn money to keep the show on the road. I would think carefully about having another in your shoes

Hi Teesside. Who said cram? Victorian dimensions meant my bedrooms were 4m by 5m, hardly crammed with 2 😂. It still stands that most children in the world do not have a bedroom to themselves - that is a first world luxury and unrelated to happiness. I could argue that a shared bedroom gives other advantages in life. I found both pros and cons to my own situation on growing up so it’s not a rule or own size fits all.

With regard to room sharing, I shared with my two sisters while my five brothers shared the biggest room.
It was much worse for my brothers, not just because of the number of them but because of the range of ages. My sisters and I were fairly close in age (2.8 years between my elder sister and I, 1.11 years between me and my younger sister) and it worked fairly well. Not ideal, but the only time I remember really disliking it would be when I was about 12-13 and my younger sister, quite young for her age, was quite loud and constantly chatting while me and my elder sister wanted quiet. But, as I said, crap for my brothers.

• one size

@CrazyNeighbour

X-posted with *@WhatHappenedToThose*

“if I'd known in advance, I wouldn't have put myself in such a precarious situation.”

And

You could also ask “do I have spare capacity for things to go wrong”.

Yes, it's all well and good to say that now, but at the time I was in thrall to an abusive husband and neck deep in a religious cult that peddled the idea that big families were gifts from heaven. I had loads of friends and acquaintances with lots of children. It was normal. We had faith that God would see us through. Challenges were blessings in disguise. Etc.

Reality brought me down to earth with a massive bump.

As for bedrooms, I have a large Victorian terrace with enough bedrooms for everyone, as well as 2 lounges, a kitchen diner, basement storage, etc. They are comfortable.

I come from a big family and have absolutely no resentment and all us siblings are still very close while not living in each others ear. Our dm didn't work outside the home and was exceptionally organised around cooking, homework etc. My dad was very much involved and hands on and We had a lot of support and encouragement from a big extended family which all contributed to our well being l feel. All of us have come through pretty unscathed and give a lot of practical and emotional support to each other still. We all went to Third Level as education was a big priority and having so many children we did get grants, worked in the Summer and saved. We weren't a model family but overall did well. My best friend was one of 11 and still to this day is amazingly close to her siblings.
I had 3 myself mainly due to horrible pregnancies and the desire to work and to be quite honest l was never prepared to work as hard as my parents.

Bedrooms wise we have 5 atm, our two youngest share now and plan is that once baby sleeps through the night he can join them as there are less than 5 years between the 3.

If for some reason this doesn't work out we do have three reception rooms one of which could be converted or we could do the loft.

I think basically if you’re incredibly conscientious and diligent and able to be at home a lot, have plenty of money for lots of space, some childcare to help to enable you to spend some time with them separately when they need it ( or alternatively have endless patience and need little sleep) then it can work out well.

I think you also need to be prepared for a whole different thing when they’re teenagers. They need lots and lots of time and attention & it’s quite different to when they are young. Don’t just have another because you love being pregnant/babies/small kids.

Money. That's key.

I'd never really encountered big families, growing up CofE in southern England. I'm late 50s.

Then, in sixth form, girls joined my GS from the local convent, most from rather larger families, with various tales to tell. 4-6.

Then I found myself in Australia, Brisbane, in my mid 20s surrounded by established Catholic families of 7-11! Given that something like 20% of Australians can trace family back to rural, Catholic Ireland, this should have come as no surprise; but, like many immigrants to strange, new lands, 'tradition' was rigidly adhered to as a link to distant roots. So while the young Irish in Ireland were partying, getting contraception, thumbing their noses at the Catholic establishment; (and moving on); Australian catholics were clinging to the certainties of the orthodoxy prevalent in 1950, when they emigrated. Huge families, Catholic school, Mass every Sunday, plus.

I met many. And so many spoke of casual, uninterested parented, too-many-kids-to-care-about childhoods. But they, at school, were surrounded by kids in the same circumstances. It was the norm. Mid 20s adults who visited home, 2 miles away, once a month. Resentful of having spent their own teens room sharing, clothes sharing, battling for attention, babysitting and bringing up younger siblings; while watching the youngest, as tge eldest walked away (uni)- indulged, getting away with hell.

Conversely, among my work colleagues were 2 women from families of 5 and 6 who'd had a great time. Why? Money. Big houses. Own rooms. Home help. Private (non-Catholic 😉 ) schools; Overseas holidays.

Money.

Local family expecting no9 soon. No idea how they finance it.

@Lazydaz

I have 4, my last one has sen, game changer for us as a family. We’re done.

Same here. Scary situation with DC4's birth. Also with additional needs. Never again. Both of us lucky to be here Very sobering thought.

@Eachpeachpears

I'm the youngest of 4 and completly agree that my parents were unable to answer all our emotional needs. To the extent that I self harmed and had an eating disorder which all boiled down to fighting for attention. There are 10 years between oldest and youngest. When my ED started at 13, my parents were focussed on the needs of my siblings who were 23, 18 and 15.

Very similar story here sadly

@nimbuscloud

I was one of 5. None of my siblings have more than 3 children.

I'm one of four. Close family. Sister has 2, I have 1 (and done) and the others are child free in their late 30s.