Anyone have 5 or more?

[Mbeelbals]

Hi I’m new to this
But I’m thinking about getting the implant removed and ttc for a fifth! I absolutely love my big family, but wondering if one more might be one too many or too much to handle
The little ones I have are 9, 8, 6 and 3!
Is anyone here considering more or how about those with five or six is it a lot more to handle
Thanks 😊

@CrazyNeighbour where have I said that isn’t true? I’m sure my children will have things they didn’t enjoy about their childhood just like everyone else, and being part of a big family might well be one of them. For now they all seem happy, and that’s all I can go by.

What I don’t like is this attitude by a lot of posters that they KNOW that it’s not possible to effectively parent a lot of children, just because they struggle with their two.

We’re all different, our kids are all different. We all have different circumstances which affects how well we can do things.

For me, I would have to consider logistics as well as obviously any financial implications on the existing children. Can you afford 5 lots of driving lessons / insurance / first car or money towards it. Can you drop 5 children off at play dates and attend 5 different children’s parties on the weekends?
@Foxglovesandlilacs would you mind answering. I’m only asking you as you’ve posted a few times; how rooms do you have to book for holidays abroad? How do you decide who sits on a different row on the plane. What car / cars do you have? I have 3 DC and in some countries that means 2 rooms.
I would be thinking of extra curricular activities, juggling 5 football matches / dance classes / riding lessons / swim galas all on the same day etc
Do you and your husband split the reading at bedtime?

How do people manage funding university for all those children in later life?

I presume everyone would agree that at some point, the equation of time/emotional input available relative to number of children tips into a net negative for the kids. The question of when that is will clearly differ from family to family. I have a friend with 5 who clearly makes it work, albeit, as I see it, at considerable cost to her. I don't think many people could do it (not me, for sure) but clearly some can. 6, 7, 8, 9 or more? Maybe some do, but the maths are very much against you. We all know, as parents, how much input a child needs, so it's hardly unreasonable to think that beyond a certain number of kids, it becomes an impossibility to fit everything in. Also, I'm sure some think that about me, with 'just' three. I'm not defensive about it - I've decided that the trade-off in available attention (and even I can see there is one, even just going from 2 to 3) is worth it. Some days I doubt myself, though. Do you have to banish self-doubt in order to defend a family size to the bitter death? I'd hope not.

Fwiw I think the op would find it more helpful for those with larger families to say 'here are the particular tradeoffs we've made, are you ok with those?' rather than 'ooh it's all happy rainbows around here.'

I have 6, and have been single mum for 2 years now, with minimal input from their father. The pressure is immense. Sometimes crushes me flat, tbh.

I didn't go into having a big family expecting to divorce and be left with all the responsibility, and if I'd known in advance, I wouldn't have put myself in such a precarious situation.

I am one of 5, and I had a wonderful childhood. I really do think all our emotional needs were met, and we all get on well as adults. It was quite messy and loud, but not chaotic. It probably helped that our parents were relatively well off and we had a biggish house and garden.
My mother was well organised & gave us all time when we needed it. We also had each other, so felt like and still do feel like we are loved by lots of people, not just our parents.
I think these days things may be a little more complicated with all the pressures though- we lived in the countryside, lots of outside space & didn’t do that much, eg not loads of extra curricular stuff.
All my siblings are fully functioning adults. 3 work in precessional jobs, one in an outdoor, practical job & one a SAHM.
I guess it depends on so many factors, including financial things, whether you work & whether your OH is supportive & can help out if things go wrong in some way, eg illness. Things don’t always go to plan.

@CrazyNeighbour

X-posted with *@WhatHappenedToThose*

“if I'd known in advance, I wouldn't have put myself in such a precarious situation.”

And

You could also ask “do I have spare capacity for things to go wrong”.

If you’re talking about me personally then yes, I do. I think it’s wise to think about those things before having another baby, or any.

You seem like you just want to disagree with everything. Are you from a large family? Do you have one?

Well that explains why you’re so adamant that no one can do a good job then. You are projecting.

@Foxglovesandlilacs could you answer some of my questions please?

I'll have a go at your questions ...

How rooms do you have to book for holidays abroad?

2 or a villa, often go with grandparents

How do you decide who sits on a different row on the plane?

By having a conversation about it, some people don't care others do

What car / cars do you have?

None we don't drive

Do you and your husband split the reading at bedtime?

No i read to dc 3, 4 and 5. The other two are too old and read to theirself

Actually anecdotally thinking about it I don’t know any families locally with more than 3 kids. Most have 2 a surprising number have 1. I think modern life militates against large families. Child rearing is now more labour intensive no shoving them out on a bike all day like the old days - seen as unacceptable. Think our society has evolved in such a way that young people need more support to navigate it. Not saying this is a good thing but just how I see it. Paying for university is a real barrier and environmental concerns and a feeling we are generally “overcrowded”.

@THATbasicSNOWFLAKE sorry, wrt the plane question, I meant which children have to sit without a parent on their row.
One poster said she had 7 under 8 I think? I just wondered how that would work or does 1 parent sit on a row with 5 DC and the other sit with 2/3 DC on another row.

I didn’t mean other random passengers.

Just genuinely curious about all of these. Thank you for answering.

Villas are fab! Completely forgot about that when I asked! Much easier than a hotel.

Re the plane thing our eldest two are 12 & 13 and happy to sit together with devices etc

7 under 8 is probably much more juggling than 5 under 14!

[quote Checkingout811]@Foxglovesandlilacs could you answer some of my questions please?[/quote]
Assuming it’s the ones snowflake has answered,

I haven’t taken them abroad since we had 4 children. So 7 years ago. I don’t really think holidays with babies are proper holidays so we’re holding off for a few years until the youngest will be 3/4.

Plane-see above.

Cars- Di have a VW touran I use day to day and a Mercedes Vito for when I need more seats.

Reading- no I do all the reading. The older three read to themselves, I read to youngest two before bed at 7 and the middle two aged 7 and 8 before bed at 8.30.

@Foxglovesandlilacs @THATbasicSNOWFLAKE thank you for answering! Hats off to you both! We flew with 2 under 3 last year and our 7yo DD, one of the toddlers is severely disabled and I was already dreading the plane journey home halfway through the flight there 😂

@mommyofmany

It really depends on how much time you have to spare, do you feel like you’re already overtired? I have 7 all aged 8 and under (and considering another one) and I wouldn’t change it for the world! Xx

God, I read that and think 'But, would they?...'

I loathe the 'wouldn't change it for the world!' -statement, from mum.

I bet the older ones in your 5-8 strong family would.