Anyone have 5 or more?

[Mbeelbals]

Hi I’m new to this
But I’m thinking about getting the implant removed and ttc for a fifth! I absolutely love my big family, but wondering if one more might be one too many or too much to handle
The little ones I have are 9, 8, 6 and 3!
Is anyone here considering more or how about those with five or six is it a lot more to handle
Thanks 😊

Mothers of larger families get extremely aggressive if anyone dares suggest having multiple siblings is anything but utterly marvellous. How lovely to be called a judgemental prick 🙄. Classy.

Everyone I know who grew up in families of three plus has very much limited their own family size.
As adults they feel the parents wants came first and that they missed out on time, activities, hobbies, play dates etc. Finances were stretched and they had more chores and babysitting responsibilities for younger siblings than their friends etc.
Having numerous siblings doesn’t make up for everything else. There’s only one shot at childhood.

@MsTSwift

Mothers of larger families get extremely aggressive if anyone dares suggest having multiple siblings is anything but utterly marvellous. How lovely to be called a judgemental prick 🙄. Classy.

well you sound like you do it often then! What a sad little life you have. Your poor kids.

It’s fine to have different opinions but the op asked for advice on going from 4 to 5 kids, she gave no info on what her current situation is so you have no reason to feel sorry for her kids, and you coming on here saying poor kids makes you a judgemental little prick, and I will call you one whether you think it’s classy or not.

Touched a nerve.

These threads never seem to end that well. Plenty of nonsense about emotional needs not being met and such. Children’s needs are met by their parents or not met by them. It’s not often relevant how many children are in the family.

If you want another child, go for it. Thankfully no one is stopping you.

I’ve got five (15-6) and cooking etc can be fairly relentless, but it’s not that long before they can cook things for themselves and help in other ways. The older children often do their own thing if they want to when we go out as a family. You just have to be flexible and not care too much about the house being messy, or full of shoes, or how quickly a packet of cookies will disappear.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Everyone I know who grew up in families of three plus has very much limited their own family size. As adults they feel the parents wants came first and that they missed out on time, activities, hobbies, play dates etc. Finances were stretched and they had more chores and babysitting responsibilities for younger siblings than their friends etc. Having numerous siblings doesn’t make up for everything else. There’s only one shot at childhood.

You’re right actually, my mum was the same, she was one of six and only had me and my brother with a large gap in between. They never had any money and were kind of left to drag themselves up. She was a terrible mother! So I’ve come to conclude that it’s not how many kids you have or the age gaps, some people are just shit mums

I think the stereotype of big families having no money and living in cramped conditions is another thing that annoys me. That’s not our reality but I have to admit the other two families I know with as many kids as I have don’t have it as good as my kids do. But they still seem really happy and well cared for.

@MsTSwift

Touched a nerve.

I bet you’re not this mouthy in real life.

OP is asking about taking her family from a large but ordinary number of children into outlier territory. This comes up in active threads, so obviously people will comment with their own experiences. If OP only gets answers from people with an 'outlier' number of kids themselves, that's not exactly going to give her a balanced perspective!

By the by, I'm amazed at how many parents of larger families seem happy to pronounce on how effective their parenting is. I have three kids myself and I have no idea how my kids will judge my parenting in future years! Obviously I hope they'll be kind, as I've done my best, but how arrogant it would be of me to think that I can judge on their behalf whether they felt fully heard and supported as they were growing up.

Based on my reading of the relatively small pool of responses on this thread, it strikes me that the parents of larger families think it's all terrific, and the (now adult) children of larger families are a bit more cautious.Maybe others read it differently.

There are lots of threads on MN with children from larger families saying that they never had enough one to one time with their parents or felt ignored etc so I think it's quite arrogant to say that emotional needs not being met is "nonsense". Obviously some parents can manage more than others and some will be better resourced to do so but I wouldn't want to take that risk.
I'd have liked more children and think that I could have managed more but, then, I doubt many people TTC their 4/5/6th child while thinking that this will be detrimental to their existing children and, really, it sometimes will be.

Yes but are there not as many if not more people from families of one or two children saying they didn’t have enough attention or even had a horrible upbringing in other ways. This is what I mean, if you want to be a good parent you will find a way to do it. Whether you have 1 child or 10.

@dorisronson

Based on my reading of the relatively small pool of responses on this thread, it strikes me that the parents of larger families think it's all terrific, and the (now adult) children of larger families are a bit more cautious.Maybe others read it differently.

You see things very different as a child than as you do as an age into an adult. As an adult you can understand the implications the choices parents made and whether you feel they were good or bad, whether their wants came first etc. I’d imagine a large number of parents have a rosy eyed view of their parenting vs what their children will/do think as adults.

if you want to be a good parent you will find a way to do it. Whether you have 1 child or 10.

You can certainly try. You might not necessarily succeed.
You can fail to give one or two children enough time or support. Some people just aren't cut out for children.
But, even if you're an extremely adept parent with lots of resources at your disposal, there's only so many hours in a day, there's only so many people you can keep track of. Children can't be raised on good intentions alone.

You physically can't keep enough track of the emotional, social and practical needs of 10 kids. There just isn't enough time in the day, even if you devoted yourself to it 24/7 in totally ideal conditions. Sure, there are some crap parents of 1 or 2 kids, but that's a totally different argument!

I was one of 5. None of my siblings have more than 3 children.

Well I think unless you’ve actually bought up that many children how would you know what it’s like? You can’t say if it’s physically possible or not

Just because you find your two or three kids it doesn't mean everyone else is so incompetent.

@Foxglovesandlilacs

Well I think unless you’ve actually bought up that many children how would you know what it’s like? You can’t say if it’s physically possible or not

Just because you find your two or three kids it doesn't mean everyone else is so incompetent.

*hard work

I don’t think anyone is incompetent looking after 4-6-8+ children. It’s just a time and maths issue isn’t it?
If you have 2hrs to read/ play/ help with homework/ settle to bed with 2 children then they get roughly 1hr each. If you have 4, they get 30mins each. If you have 8 then it’s only 15 mins etc.

You can’t just magic up extra hours in one day, so people with large families can’t possible say they spend as much time with each child as those with the same free time but less children.

It isn't hard work (well of course it is sometimes, but what parent pretends otherwise?), it's time-consuming. One needs a long chat about friend issues, one is scared of monsters and can't sleep, one is worried because the teacher shouted at them, one needs help with maths homework, one needs new shoes, one needs taking to a friend's house. Oh and everyone needs dinner, the living room needs hoovering and the kitchen tap is leaking. So what gives? And don't say you tackle them all in turn, because tomorrow, one has swimming, one is feeling sick, one has a medieval house to construct out of cardboard, one needs a costume for Victorian day, one is in a strop because the other one hit him, one is fretting because they left their important homework at school etc etc etc. Oh and your mate has having a crisis because her husband left her. You are either superhuman, or something has to give.

You know, between that comment and "judgemental little prick", it's comforting to know that 8 children will be raised by so lovely a person.

@Foxglovesandlilacs

Well I think unless you’ve actually bought up that many children how would you know what it’s like? You can’t say if it’s physically possible or not

Just because you find your two or three kids it doesn't mean everyone else is so incompetent.

Of course you can

Many of the adults here have been the child in large families so have seen it first hand. How many of their parents will have thought it was all rosy and perfect rather than the actual experience the children had?

I am not saying it isnt hard (at times) or time consuming.

I went part time with work after the birth of dc5 and will be taking atleast an extra 6 months out after the birth of dc6. So for us what is giving is my career. But i am only 33, i am also about to enter the final year of my degree so by the time i am returning to work i will have that done 🤞

I'm one of 5 kids. Had a fantastic childhood, my needs were most certainly met and I'm one of the most grounded and secure in myself people I know - ditto for my siblings. So you certainly can't generalise as kids childhood experiences are surely as much down to parenting style/ personality as they are family size?

That said, I have 2 and will be sticking with 2 as I started having babies quite late and I do actually agree to some extent with the environmental argument. But it's certainly not because I'm traumatised from being from a large family!

All that to say OP, do what feels right to you and your family.

@BookWormsRule that is lovely to read after so many negative comments, thank you for proving its not all doom and gloom past 4 dc!