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Feeling attacked as a mum of 3

54 replies

Ilikecheeseontoast · 07/04/2021 20:49

There have been several threads lately discussing families with 3 or more children -how we are selfish for having more than 2, how our children must be starved of attention and love etc etc. I am stupidly taking these opinions personally and it's making me feel crap. I have 3 much wanted, loved and cherished children and with health problems, lockdown etc am finding things difficult at the moment. Does anyone have anything positive to say about having 3 or being one of 3?

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Dnadoon · 07/04/2021 20:51

Oh c'mon I know tons of people with 3 kids. Why do you care what people think?

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GreyhoundG1rl · 07/04/2021 20:52

Attacked? 🙄

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Ilikecheeseontoast · 07/04/2021 20:54

@GreyhoundG1rl well 'judged' maybe.

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Sally872 · 07/04/2021 20:54

I think 3 is a very normal number of kids to have. I know plenty of families with 3 children and don't think twice about it.

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JeanClaudeVanDammit · 07/04/2021 20:55

I’m one of 3 and it was fine. We outnumbered my parents and were like a little gang. I was the middle child and did feel a bit overlooked sometimes - my sister and I look similar and a large number of my neighbours didn’t realise I existed, they thought we were the same person. Get on fairly well as adults too.

But I have a chosen to have one child and on mumsnet that’s selfish, I’m putting my career before my child, how can I be so awful as to not give them a sibling, I’m bringing up a lonely brat, etc etc etc. It’s hard but try not to take it personally. Anything other than 2 (a boy and a girl, natch) brings out some shit opinions.

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Ilikecheeseontoast · 07/04/2021 20:56

@Sally872 I never considered 3 to be an issue either until I came on Mumsnet!

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Crappyfridays7 · 07/04/2021 20:56

I have 4
They are here now don’t know what anyone would want me to do with them....
Put them back?
Honestly who cares don’t let faceless people make you feel bad for something you are happy and proud of!

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GreyhoundG1rl · 07/04/2021 20:57

I have three children and have never been "judged" by anyone.
Do you maybe appear to be struggling to afford 3 kids? It's the only possible reason anyone would wonder why you had them.

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TheVanguardSix · 07/04/2021 20:57

I have 3! Most people I know have 3, more often 4 kids.

I had one child for many years before I went on to have 2 and 3. I have to say, I'm nearly 50 and I don't recall everything being such a race. When I just had one child, I felt fine about having one child. Same with having 3. Now if you have 6 kids, you've got my attention. That's just batshit. Grin

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Panicmode1 · 07/04/2021 20:58

I have 4. I'm too busy raising them to be decent adults to give a monkeys what other people think. We don't claim any benefits, pay vast amounts of tax, try to live as environmentally mindfully as we can, whilst accepting we are a large family, but it really is no-one else's business! Rise above it all and ignore the judgement.....

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paishebek · 07/04/2021 20:59

Everyone has opinions on things, they'd probably never speak most of them out loud but online forums make things different. I'm sure every thread will offend/bother at least one other person, probably a lot more. I don't think you should take it personally.

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skeggycaggy · 07/04/2021 21:00

Who cares?! I often read opinions I disagree with on MN Grin. I’m one of 3 and I have 3. Whatevs.

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Ilikecheeseontoast · 07/04/2021 21:00

@GreyhoundG1rl I meant on Mumsnet, not in real life and not my family personally, the threads are about all families with 3+.

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DenisetheMenace · 07/04/2021 21:00

I don’t think most people think of 3 children as large families, do they ? which is what is in the title of most of those sort of threads.

Personally, I think 2 is plenty 😁 none of my business though.

Until quite recently, I was worried on environmental grounds but it’s been explained to me by someone much more in the know than I that population isn’t so straightforward and that if the UK is to have a functioning economy and care systems for the elderly in years to come, our birth rate is in fact too low.

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Mrsbclinton · 07/04/2021 21:00

Ive three children. I love them & feel very lucky to have them in my life. I dont think Im selfish for having three.
I have the means to provide for them & they are loved & cared for.

I wouldn’t take anyone else’s opinion personally. Its THEIR opinion nothing got to do with you.

Lockdown is hard for everyone so give yourself a bit of slack. Try & look for the positives in your life.

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Ilikecheeseontoast · 07/04/2021 21:02

@paishebek yes I think you're right. I was just a bit shocked and wondered if this is what people actually think!

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TheMayQueen · 07/04/2021 21:02

I think it's fine to have 3 or more as long as you can practically and financially supported.

I come from a family where until my generation my relatives had 4, 5 or 6 children that they couldn't afford or support and the children suffered for it.

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Ilikecheeseontoast · 07/04/2021 21:05

@TheMayQueen yes we can afford to provide everything they need and more, live in a big house, both professionals etc. Maybe I've become soft in lockdown and need to get a grip!

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BackforGood · 07/04/2021 21:11

Who cares?! I often read opinions I disagree with on MN grin. I’m one of 3 and I have 3. Whatevs.

This ^

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TheMayQueen · 07/04/2021 21:11

That's fine then! I don't see the problem with having 8 kids if you have the resources and capacity for it.

I just remember hearing stories of my parent and their siblings sleeping 3 to a bed and never having shoes without holes.

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Mumoblue · 07/04/2021 21:11

I’ve got 5 siblings and I’ve never felt that it was in any way negative.

People will judge for anything, try not to let it bother you.

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SingingSands · 07/04/2021 21:29

I always wanted 3 or ideally 4 kids.

Unfortunately it never happened and I went through early menopause after my 2nd. I'm happy for you OP!

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RuggeryBuggery · 07/04/2021 21:33

To be honest I think 4+ is the usual judging/tipping point as it’s a bit more unusual. Not 3, loads of people have 3

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RuggeryBuggery · 07/04/2021 21:34

Not my judging tipping point I should say well maybe five 😂 but in general. I don’t think 3 is controversial or a ‘large family’ in my mind.

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Crazymummyto4 · 08/04/2021 22:54

We have four children and I don't for one second feel as though they are starved of attention, in fact i feel quite the opposite as we have a busy house so there is always someone to give attention to each other and not just me. Our children have all got such a strong bond and they love being part of a big family. My husband was an only child and he hated it, that's a big part of the reason why we have had a big family. We stopped worrying about what other people thought a long time ago, so people may think we're crazy but we're happy as we are and that's all that matters

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