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Original poster

Third child decision - advice please!

10 replies

Daffodil345 · 14/12/2019 10:32

Hi, I am driving myself (and DH!) mad over decision about whether to have a third child...we have 2 dc already (dd 3.5, ds nearly 2) and always thought we would have another but I'm worrying now that it might be too much...We found the jump from 1-2 really tough (age gap 20 months and moved house to new area at the same time). We are also worried about practical things - financially it would be tight, 2 would have to share a room, no family support nearby, cost of childcare etc...Is anyone able to offer advice if they had similar doubts and decided to go for it anyway, or also if they decided to stay with the 2 and enjoy all the positives with that situation. thank you xx

OP posts:

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BackforGood · 14/12/2019 18:22

Well, moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do - presumably you won't be doing that again?

No-one else can say what it will be like for you. So much of how difficult / easy life is, is to do with the personality of the individual child, and things like if they sleep well or not.

I was pretty traumatised in the change from 0 - 1. I found 1 - 2 MUCH easier, and 2 - 3 a doddle. She just fitted in to family life. It's been great (all are adults now).
Yes, it costs more to book a holiday for 5 than for 4 (if you are going abroad) , yes it costs more to buy 3 lots of school shoes, but if you stressed about the costs, you'd never have child number 1 in the first place . A lot of the stuff you buy can be passed down, and - like in all situations in life - you cut your cloth to fit your means.

Yummymummy2020 · 14/12/2019 18:30

I agree with the above poster, if you can afford a third as in cloth them feed them and educate them and you would like one go for it! Sharing a room can also be lovely too even if it may result in squabbles!!! The main thing is you do what is right for your family😀

jnl0612 · 14/12/2019 18:34

I found 1-2 a doddle 2-3 hideous.
Out numbered, had to get a bigger house and car, loads more in childcare and no one wants to babysit for 3 kids lol

RandomMess · 14/12/2019 18:48

Now mine are teens I wish we had stuck at two mainly because of the bigger picture, the future financial restraints on helping them etc.

I think the economy is going to get much tougher, like being back in 50s tbh.

BlackSwanGreen · 14/12/2019 18:52

Tbh if I had my time again I'd have stopped at two. DC3 is absolutely lovely but now they are pre teen / teens DH and I spend the entire weekend driving them around to various sporting activities. It would be a lot easier with two!

eeyore228 · 14/12/2019 18:56

I’d love a third but I know that I don’t want to be worrying about money/space. You should make the decision based on the impact for your family as a whole and if you can make it work great.

Lucylivesinamushroomhouse · 14/12/2019 19:04

Early days for us (dc3 is 7 weeks old) but so far 2-3 has been much easier than 1-2. We have a 22 month age gap between first two and a 2.5 year gap this time and it’s much more manageable. 1-2 was TOUGH.

I’m a big fan of kids sharing rooms and the medium term plan is for them all to share! The older two already share and it’s not without its challenges but it can be lovely.

Having 3 was a hard choice because our girls get on so well and life was just beginning to get easier - now it’s back to sleepless nights and general chaos. But seeing the girls with their little brother is heartwarming and so far no regrets. Also it’s great to have certainty that this is the last time and we can give away everything this baby outgrows - hooray!!

I do feel slightly guilty about overpopulation though.... when friends tell me they’re not planning to have kids it makes me feel less bad about having more than our fair share!

Stuffedcrust55 · 14/12/2019 19:10

Over population is a consideration in my view.

My uncle had 3 and said the third doesnt get anywhere near the attention or time of the other 2 with regards to help with homework etc. They were also ready to move on a bit with their lives but have the youngest still there. I guess it depends on plans for you aswell. Do you want to work, are you enjoying being home?

Personally I'd rather try and protect the planet for the kids I already have and that's what I have done for my 2.

Original poster

Daffodil345 · 16/12/2019 18:20

Thanks for all your advice and for sharing experiences! I appreciate it. Especially glad to hear most of you felt that the jump to 3 is not too terrible, yes @BackforGood we won't be moving again in a hurry with a newborn so that's a relief! Thanks again all X

OP posts:

Disneymum1993 · 21/12/2019 18:35

I have 3 had my 3rd 4 months ago other two are 5 and 4 and iv found it hard to divide my time alot especially with breastfeeding.its a squeeze in the car an will need to mpve next year as i have two girls and a boy but dont regret him in the slightest.all the more cuddles for me to get x

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