4 children, crazy to consider a 5th

[Greggers2017]

I currently have DD12, DSD11, DS10 and baby DD 4 months. She is mine and DP first child together. We only thought we'd have one but now we are coming to the point of her outgrowing things we have decided to pack it away instead of sell. We keep thinking it would be lovely for our youngest child to have a sibling close in age to grow up with. We have also spoken in-depth and would love another. Are we crazy?

I think as things get tougher environmentally and overpopulation a huge part of that it will get harder to be a large family - public opinion will turn against you. People will resent you. That would worry me.

Greggers, so you had 2 friends who hated being an only child... every life is different.

That was then, this is now.

LP here, 1 son. 28. Never felt alone cos of my and ex's family (abroad) and his huge friendship group from school, neighbourhood, uni, work etc.

People will resent you. That would worry me.
I can't comprehend worrying about the potential resentment of people who don't pay my bills.

I think if you're very maternal, you will always feel like another, until your childbearing days are done, that feeling will never go (it's an animal instinct that sometimes as educated humans we need to curb)

I desperate wanted a 3rd, but I realised that we wouldn't be able to offer our 2 the same financial benefits if we had another, I also looked at the state of our planet and wondered if having children at all was a wise decision.

I do think it's irresponsible to have so many children, the world is so overpopulated.

We are not a larger family but like you have a bigger age gap , DD1 was 10 when DD2 was born , she is now nearly 1 and we will definitely try for number 3 as like you I want her to have a sibling close in age, my eldest was desperate for a sibling growing up despite me filling the gap with activities and clubs , and was thrilled when she got her sister , I think the dynamics of our family will work better.

@purplepalace definitely not the case. I was happy with my elder two, did not want anymore children and that was fine. Unfortunately the relationship broke down. I was very, very fortunate to meet my partner. We decided we'd like a child together. We can afford it and have the space. It would certainly be our last, if we do have number 5.

Why are you on this board @MsTSwift

Really?

Honestly as this is the Larger Families board and your obvious intention is to come on and tell everyone off for considering having >x amount of children I should be reporting you.

Are you in fact the thread police?! It popped up in active convos I can comment as I like thanks and frankly shocked that intelligent adults in the western world are still having large families - it’s utterly unjustifiable in the current climate and you all know it.

MsTSwift

Firstly; how dare you assume my intellect, secondly I find it amusing that you would consider that any of us feel obligated to justify ourselves to you, or anyone else for that matter.

Thirdly, I must mention that the chip on your shoulder doesn't suit you at all

Mine is the majority view. Do you watch the news?

And...?

You obviously don’t give a shit. That’s your view. I reserve the right to feel differently and will not “you go girl” to women having lots of kids to fulfil some Von trapp fantasy when the world is massively overpopulated.

Thats fine, I honestly don't care what you think.
You are mistaken if you believe you are obligated to justify yourself to me.

So I really can't fathom what you are hoping to achieve here.

I don’t think it’d benefit your older DC.

Also, you work PT and aren’t married, so unless you have plenty of financial assets of your own it’s not a good idea economically.

Are you personally independently wealthy then? Because it's utterly foolish to pack in FT work and supporting yourself to go part-time with an unmarried partner. You already have 4 kids, ridiculous to have yet another. No one needs a sibling, I mean, your partner's son didn't have one. But this is somehow more special? Bet that makes him feel good.

Not married but have lived together for 4 years and have a joint mortgage. I also rent out the property I owned before I met DP.
Why would it not benefit our older DC?

@timshelthechoice my DSD didn't have a sibling because her mother had a mental breakdown and has severe mental health issues. The poor woman has been in and out of hospital all DSD life hence my DP having full custody. She still says the best thing that ever happened to her was getting a brother and sister in my children. We do ask our children their opinions.
And as I said up thread I earn a good enough wage. Nothing different would happen to me financially if we did separate as it would if we were married.

Nothing different? Yeah, right. You have plenty of children to support already, you owe it to your kids who are already here not to compromise your financial security for an unmarried partner to keep having more and more kids.

I think its likely that those who think that 'nobody needs a sibling' weren't only children themselves.

This child is not an only child! There are already 4 kids in the picture.

I meant nothing different financially.

Agreed. Which makes the 'nobody needs a sibling comment' really quite odd, given the context.

If you must know since you are presuming my finances. We have said we can support all our children.
We at every fortunate enough to have well paying jobs. We claim no benefits. The children have their own bedrooms. They have plenty holidays.
All have financial security for the future. I can support myself if we separate. I have done that in the past when I seperated from the father of my eldest children.

Going part time always compromises you financially, especially because you are not married, a well-paid job part-time is less money than a full-time one. Not really sure why you started this thread, you've already decided to have yet more kids.