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Larger families

4 children, crazy to consider a 5th

90 replies

Greggers2017 · 21/10/2019 12:58

I currently have DD12, DSD11, DS10 and baby DD 4 months. She is mine and DP first child together. We only thought we'd have one but now we are coming to the point of her outgrowing things we have decided to pack it away instead of sell. We keep thinking it would be lovely for our youngest child to have a sibling close in age to grow up with. We have also spoken in-depth and would love another. Are we crazy?

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Yummymummy2020 · 29/11/2019 12:01

I think if you can afford another baby and you both would like to add another to the family then there’s nothing at all wrong with that and it’s a personal choice for you and your family alone. I would love to have a larger family myself, not sure if it will happen in reality as we are only on number one now and over thirty but you know what, like I said already if you can bring them up, fair play to you and all the best! I think bigger families are lovely having come from a single child family I would have adored brothers and sisters growing up and to this day am envious of my partners large family and how close they are! There is a lot to be said for having siblings and the more the merrier I say!

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Lovemenorca · 29/11/2019 11:43

No idea of how you are handling current family; state of your relationship; your financial situation; your housing situation; your health etc

So would be irresponsible for me to glibly day “go for it”

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fernandoanddenise · 29/11/2019 11:41

I know it’s upsetting to get negative opinions but if you feel aggrieved by some posters make sure it’s not because you know they have a valid argument and can’t face it. The pp’s pointing out the climate emergency have a point do they not? You might not want to hear it in the echo chamber of the ‘larger families’ topic ...but whether you like to face it or not: having lots of children isn’t great for the planet. Be prepared to face this criticism.

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Ck25 · 29/11/2019 11:31

Hi I have 5 children myself having a big family is no easy task but each baby is a gift and a fun roller-coaster to be on you have the ups and the downs but I would not change it for the world.

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Annemarie2002 · 29/11/2019 10:49

If you want another one and can afford it, just go for it! I have a 15yo, 13yo and a 5 month old. I’d love another. As you say, with the age gap it’s nice for them to have someone to grow up with. Good luck!

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Cornish2 · 23/11/2019 21:35

I am completely of the opinion that if you want another have another however...
Have you thought about the impact of a disability, how would it effect the rest of the family if you had to care for a younger child who had additional needs, just something for you to think about while making your choice.

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4cheekymonkey · 16/11/2019 08:16

Mummaofmytribe that is my biggest fear! How I will deal with their young adulthood issues and if I can guide them the right way to come past them! I'm sorry to hear you have lost one! X
OP it sounds like you have it all figured out so do what's right for you! X

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Greggers2017 · 28/10/2019 20:29

@Booboosweet I'm going to choose to put extra into my work pension. I also have a private pension. It's been my way of saving for my future.

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Booboosweet · 28/10/2019 15:01

If you don't have the option to work full time because of a large family, what kind of pension will you have? I am just curious.I feel like I have to work so much just to make an adequate pension.

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IVEgotthePUMPKINS · 27/10/2019 08:40

We are fairly similar to you op

We have 5 dc
We are not married
We jointly own our home
I work part time

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Greggers2017 · 26/10/2019 22:09

We have everything in place that we need should things not work out or one of us pass away.
I learnt this after my cousins partner died and she was living in his house.
Her name was not on the mortgage. His family were awful and she was left with nothing.

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WinterRose92 · 26/10/2019 22:08

I have two and that’s enough for me but each to their own. You can afford it, if you want to have a 5th then go for it! (Even if I think you’re a little crazy 😜)

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HotSince82 · 26/10/2019 22:07

It depends on your earnings/pensions/property.
If you are in an economically more advantageous position than your DP you would be a fool to get married.
If the reverse is true then get that ring on your finger, poste haste!

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Greggers2017 · 26/10/2019 22:02

Why would being married give me more rights? Baring in mind that we have a joint mortgage?

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Greggers2017 · 26/10/2019 22:02

I haven't decided at all. There are things to consider. What I don't agree with is people attacking people. My finances have nothing to do with other people. If I say we can afford them, then what is the problem?

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timshelthechoice · 26/10/2019 22:00

Going part time always compromises you financially, especially because you are not married, a well-paid job part-time is less money than a full-time one. Not really sure why you started this thread, you've already decided to have yet more kids.

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Greggers2017 · 26/10/2019 21:57

If you must know since you are presuming my finances. We have said we can support all our children.
We at every fortunate enough to have well paying jobs. We claim no benefits. The children have their own bedrooms. They have plenty holidays.
All have financial security for the future. I can support myself if we separate. I have done that in the past when I seperated from the father of my eldest children.

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HotSince82 · 26/10/2019 21:55

Agreed. Which makes the 'nobody needs a sibling comment' really quite odd, given the context.

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Greggers2017 · 26/10/2019 21:55

I meant nothing different financially.

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timshelthechoice · 26/10/2019 21:53

This child is not an only child! There are already 4 kids in the picture. Hmm

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HotSince82 · 26/10/2019 21:52

I think its likely that those who think that 'nobody needs a sibling' weren't only children themselves.

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timshelthechoice · 26/10/2019 21:52

Nothing different? Yeah, right. You have plenty of children to support already, you owe it to your kids who are already here not to compromise your financial security for an unmarried partner to keep having more and more kids.

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Greggers2017 · 26/10/2019 21:48

@timshelthechoice my DSD didn't have a sibling because her mother had a mental breakdown and has severe mental health issues. The poor woman has been in and out of hospital all DSD life hence my DP having full custody. She still says the best thing that ever happened to her was getting a brother and sister in my children. We do ask our children their opinions.
And as I said up thread I earn a good enough wage. Nothing different would happen to me financially if we did separate as it would if we were married.

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Greggers2017 · 26/10/2019 21:45

Not married but have lived together for 4 years and have a joint mortgage. I also rent out the property I owned before I met DP.
Why would it not benefit our older DC?

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timshelthechoice · 26/10/2019 21:44

Are you personally independently wealthy then? Because it's utterly foolish to pack in FT work and supporting yourself to go part-time with an unmarried partner. You already have 4 kids, ridiculous to have yet another. No one needs a sibling, I mean, your partner's son didn't have one. But this is somehow more special? Bet that makes him feel good.

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