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Original poster

Favourite child...?

21 replies

Mountainsrivers123 · 11/05/2019 21:40

It's a bit taboo, but do you have a favourite child...?! Do you believe people that say they don't have a favourite..?
I only have one child and worry that if we have more children I might have a favourite (and feel very guilty about it!).

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DramaAlpaca · 11/05/2019 21:48

I have three, so not a particularly large family. I can honestly say I don't have a favourite child. Though when they were small my favourite was probably the one who was being least annoying at the time

I once overheard them discussing the subject of favourite children. It turned out each of them thought they were my favourite. Which is actually lovely because I think it means I must have got something right.

JumpingFrogs · 11/05/2019 21:50

I have four. When I was expecting my second I really worried that I wouldn't love dc2 as much as dc1, as dc1 was so perfect. I realised as soon as I held him that your love expands. My feelings for each child are different (because they have different personalities so they require slightly different input from me) but I absolutely do not have a favourite. Of course there are times when one child causes me more angst or irritation but that does not make me love them any less.

Original poster

Mountainsrivers123 · 11/05/2019 21:50

Aww that's lovely!!!

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Lougle · 11/05/2019 21:54

I have 3, quite close in age (3.4 years between eldest and youngest), all girls. They are radically different in interests, personality and abilities (DD1 has SN and goes to special school, DD2 has ASD but is mainstream, DD3 is NT).

I love them all deeply. They are all my favourite for different reasons. They all make me laugh (and cry!) in their own little ways. They are unique... No way I could choose.

3boysandabump · 11/05/2019 22:07

I have 4 and can hand on heart say I do not have a favourite.

Like others have said they're all so different that I love them all for their own individual little personalities.

Helsvamp · 12/05/2019 10:40

My favourite is depends who is behaving

NameChangerAmI · 18/05/2019 11:05

4 DCs here.

No favourite here either. They are so unique, and each of them brings something really special to our family.

They each claim to be my favourite - it's an on-going joke in our house between them, but deep down I think they all know I love them equally.

They are all amazing, and they all drive me mad, & make me laugh in equal measures!

BrutusMcDogface · 11/06/2019 21:56

My youngest is my favourite.

imip · 14/06/2019 06:22

No, no favourite. They all give me different things - it’s actually amazing to see how different they are! Two have ASD and one is particularly challenging, they’ve taught me to fight harder and challenge more. One is very very easy to parent. Such a mixed bag but absolutely no favourites!

Bythebeach · 14/06/2019 06:42

I have 3 and I just don’t. I love each so much it’s indescribable and there is no favourite. But I remember with my second pregnancy worrying how I’d ever love them as much as my first. It was no issue at all!

Pearlfish · 14/06/2019 06:46

I have three DC and I can honestly say I don’t have a favourite. They’re all so different! One is the most volatile but also the cuddliest. One is kind and well behaved but the hardest to drag away from his computer games. And so on.

I also believe my parents didn’t have a favourite- they loved us equally.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with just having one child OP. But I think you’re worrying about the wrong thing!

TakenForSlanted · 14/06/2019 06:51

I don't have any of my own but I don't think it's as unusual as people think for parents to have favourites. I know of several who do - maybe because it's a thing that's easier to confess to your designated childfree friend.

One friend, in particular, struck me in that this was someone who could explain incredibly well which child was the favourite and why and what it actually meant. I actually gained a lot of respect for this person as a result of that conversation - the way it came across, it seemed like something that would require a lot of self-reflection and also kindness for someone to recognise in themselves, come to terms with and try and pull off without hurting anyone.

SingleMumFighting · 14/06/2019 06:54

No favourites here. I love them all. The bond is so strong from birth. They are so complex and have different personalities. When we are not all together doing a special activity or spending the day together. I miss the children that are not there.

There were favourites with my parents but it was dysfunctional with MH issues. They thought in black and white terms. I either love or hate you mentallity. Favoritism does happen and I think its a massive red flag.

Travelban · 16/06/2019 18:01

I don't have a favourite and all of them make me proud in different ways. I do have morn patience with the younger one but that's only because she is number 4 and I have more time eg I don't have all the little ones to have to deal with.

Laniakea · 16/06/2019 18:04

I’ve got four - of course I don’t have a favourite! They are all utterly precious to me & so wonderfully different from one another.

Laniakea · 16/06/2019 18:07

I’m really surprised by people thinking it’s common to have a favourite. It isn’t something I’ve experienced as a child, a parent, an aunt or a friend to loads of people with lots of children. Very sad.

kimlo · 16/06/2019 18:10

I do, which one it is depends on the day. The kids joke that my favourite child is dd1's best friend, or the cat.

I love my children diffrently, they are diffrent people with diffrent needs, but I love them the same amount.

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 16/06/2019 18:13

I sometimes joke I hate all mine equally!!
Many many dc here, no favourites, different relationships and as they grow up and leave home support changes, amount you see them changes as they branch out, but 100% still love them all.

MyNewBearTotoro · 16/06/2019 18:23

‘Favourite’ is a tricky word. In a life or death situation I couldn’t choose between them, I love my children equally.

But honestly, I don’t enjoy time spent with each of my children equally. In that way I do have a ‘favourite’ and if I had to choose a day out with one of them I could pick one I’d want to spend time with more. It feels quite usual in terms of my relationship with my kids for me to want to spend more time with a particular child, I have quite an obsessive personality and attachment issues and I think unfortunately this comes out in how I feel towards my children. That said, the ‘favourite’ will change periodically and I am very careful to make sure that I don’t act on my feelings when I am feeling like I want to spend all my time with one particular child. But it is hard as I find as well as wanting to be with that child I get a lot of jealousy around DP interacting with them as well and I feel a lot of guilt around it. I genuinely don’t think anybody, even DP, would have a clue though.

I have one other close friend who admitted to me several years ago that she had a favourite out of her two DC. I was shocked as it wasn’t ever obvious in how she treated her boys but she admitted she found the personality of one a lot harder to deal with. Remembering that makes me feel a bit reassured it’s not completely abnormal to feel that way, although it sounds like it’s uncommon on this thread.

Helenj1977 · 23/06/2019 13:57

I have a different favourite every day 😂 It's weird though, you do really love them all the same. I love having 3 x

Jollymollyx · 16/07/2019 22:50

I have 2 with 1 on the way. I think I worried about this when expecting no 2 but they are so different you end up loving them so much and admiring the different qualities they have. I now have no worries about no3 because I’ve seen how no2 has been just as important and loved as no1

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