Pregnant with 4th

[LeAmEl19]

Currently have a 4 1/2 yr old, a nearly 2 yr old and a 5 month old.
How will I manage?
My partner doesn't want it as he thinks we are going to struggle!!

Hi! I found out I'm pregnant with 4th a couple of weeks ago too! Completely unplanned! Mine are 6, 5 and 2..... I have no idea what I'm going to do either!

Hi OP, I have exactly what you’re getting. My eldest was 5 the day I went into labour with #4. I personally think (you don’t know this yet because your #3 is still a baby whereas my youngest was 2 when #4 arrived) but it was #3 that was the straw that broke the camels back. There’s no such thing as 101% chaos and stress and we were already at 100% with #3 so our fourth has made literally no difference. Luckily he’s a very easy child with a placid nature, thank God! I won’t lie to you, this is a hard way to do things. And to be blunt, I think you need to write off the next 5 years as being pretty much hell on earth (interspersed with wonderful moments and great pride in your family) but I think the pleasure and fun will come after that. I can already see my 2 eldest now 6 and 4, are wonderful and easy and reliable. And it gives me such pleasure to see them all together in the moments they’re not fighting, screaming, whinging, winding each other up etc.

So yes, without a doubt you are going to struggle and it’s up to you to decide if you’re willing to do that or not. With the 3 you have you will struggle anyway so I kinda feel you might as well go all in.

I actually found going from 3-4 easier than 2-3!! No middle dc, less squabbles ime.
Delegate helping jobs to the older ones!! How to make drinks for the little ones, choose own clothes etc. Organising the baby box was my oldest's favourite job!
At 7 my dd had 3 dbs!!

Another with 4, and it made hardly any difference having no4 he just added to the chaos and my 2 youngest are 13 months apart in age. So quite close now when they aren’t fighting. I’d make sure your older kids can do as much for themselves as possible before baby comes, and be organised as hard as that can be. But yep it’s crazy and busy and you’ll be shattered but mine are at school now so I can breathe a little during the day. And don’t wish it away becusse time flies in, and they’ll be all grown up before you know it.

I’m currently 5+1 weeks with our fourth. It was a big shock! my brood will be 7, almost 6, and 2 when baby arrives in October. DH wanted another but I wasn’t so sure (my eldest two are previous relationship) they’re a big handful so I was pretty sure I was done and even looked into having my tubes tied! This one is definitely the last and DH is having the snip after this one arrives

I’m absolutely crapping myself, it means we need to get a bigger car and bigger house and there’s a lot of pressure on work because I work night shifts and I’m easy to zonk at 6pm! So it’s really scary because there’s a lot of pressure and a lot to do.

I find it immensely helpful talking to others with four + especially if they’re around the same age as mine, do you use Instagram? It’s been really good for me to see how other people are getting on and in similar lives as me so I can see I’m not the only one! I’m not much help but I’m right there with you!

One thing I’ve found helpful and necessary, and it’s an ongoing process (ie hit and miss at times) is to train them from as young as possible to do as much as possible themselves. My second youngest (3), my greatest handful, just suddenly started after months of coaxing and pushing, to put her rubbish in the bin, plate in the sink and shoes on herself. It’s SUCH a help. I’m trying really hard to not do things for them but instead coach them to do them themselves. I made the 6 yr old get his own breakfast today though from age 4 he and 3 ye old sister could do it themselves if they really wanted.

With more than 2 kids it gets very hard to respond to everything they want/need so I see my role as their teacher to do it themselves, not their....well mum slave. We simply don’t have time and I don’t have physical or mental energy for the constant pace of what 4 kids under 6 want (toilet help, clothing help, new socks on, blanket for watching TV, a drink, to look st their drawing, a drink, toy from upstairs, a drink....). I often find my self running from task to task for 6-10 hours straight so it takes effort to stop and say No, this is not how our family should work.

Hi this a really helpful thread. I'm pregnant with number 4 and feeing slightly petrified. My current 3 will be 7, 5 and 18 months when the baby arrives. My main concern I think is juggling after school time. It's already hard enough to sit down with the big ones and do homework. I almost feel a bit selfish for having another one which will take more time away from them. I don't want their education to suffer but don't know how I'm going to spread my time out.

Hi.Just found out in expecting number 4. Hasn’t sunk in yet! Children are 6,4 and 2 ( nearly 3) So hope we get an easy one ! Haven’t dared tell DH yet!

If it helps I’m the #4 child in my family. I had a wonderful childhood and certainly wasn’t aware of any lack of attention and neither were my siblings according to them! I think it’s easy to get caught up in the mum guilt thinking you’ll be spread too thinly, but I really don’t think children see it this way. As adults I love having so many siblings. You’re giving them the best gift ever in my opinion (even though you’ll have a few mental years 🤣). Now that I look back I realise we didn’t have much money but I certainly didn’t notice as a kid - there were too many people to play with to care! Good luck 😘

This thread is helping me not be as nervous! It’s good to hear other people have been there and done it.
I have a feeling friends and family are going to pretty unsupportive at best and think we are crazy. I just wish I had some more friends with kids !

Anyone else on baby number 4? Be good to have some advice / support for those who have been there or who are there at the moment. Am 21 weeks. Other children 6,4 and 3. Starting to feel like a bit of freak as no one around here seems to have more than 2.

I'm 31wks with number 4. Others are 18,9 and 8, big gap due to taking dh a while to want another and then it taking a while to fall pregnant.

Glad to have a response! How are you feeling ? Are the other children excited? I too had to convince husband about 4th so now dreading if we get a bad sleeper etc as it will be all on me!

I'm expecting a bad sleeper as 2 and 3 were awful (and still are) dd1 was a dream but I put that down to her being bottle fed.

They are all excited, my youngest is probably most. If scans are correct this will be my first boy, which is exciting.

Ah it’s not that bad, my lot were 5, 3 and 18 months when I found out I was expecting DS4. He’s fitted in perfectly.