4th child unplanned and so upset

[ichifanny]

I’m 37 and have 3 kids oldest 13 youngest nearly 5 and going to school this year I’ve found out I’m pregnant unexpectedly , I had the flu Just after Christmas and can only assume that stopped my contraception working . I’m spending every day in a panic ,crying everyday and can barely sleep for anxiety , I just can’t imagine going through it all again and having FOUR children . I booked in for termination but don’t think I can go through with it . We will be ok housing wise but my job will become difficult as I work 30 hours a week and can’t reduce my hours . Please tell me I will start to feel better about it .

Take a deep breath. Write down the pro’s and con’s. talk to your DP? Older child? Ultimately it has to be your decision

Thanks for the reply tried the pros and cons ultimately I can’t imagine terminating the pregnancy but I wish it wasn’t happening .

You will be ok no matter what you decide. I am going through something similar. I had a six month old when I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant with twins. This past month has been one of the most challenging of my life.

I think you will feel better but it will take sometime. Do you have people you can talk to? A support network who won't judge you? I know just talking about my conflicting feelings about the pregnancy helped.

thinking about you and wishing you the best.

Thanks for your reply yes a great support network funnily I can’t bring myself to tell my mum as I know she will be upset for me , I just feel I’ve ruined our lives I was finally back on my feet Health wise and everything was just nice .

Hi, not sure how much I can help because I’m just about to have my 3rd baby (other two are still very young), but I myself am the product of my own mum being in almost the exact situation as you. In my childhood I never even thought about it, but obviously in my adult life I realised that my mum was very much “done” with her three children and I was a “surprise” that came along 8 years after her previous baby (there is 13 years between me and my eldest sibling). We’ve spoken about it loads since I started having babies myself, and she said although she couldn’t bring herself to have an abortion, the whole pregnancy was hard because she was so upset. However, when I actually arrived she said it was amazing. The others were at school so it was like having an only child but with loads of experience, she didn’t stress about anything and my brothers and sisters doted on me and played with me constantly. I truly had a wonderful childhood and I’m still extremely close to all my siblings, and have gained soooo much from being the “baby” in terms of help and advice etc. Anyway, now that I am in the thick of pregnancy/raising small children, I cannot tell you the enormous amount of respect I have for my mum for raising me so well and I am so grateful for all the sacrifices I now know she made for me. It won’t surprise you that we are very close and talk every day, although we live far apart. She’s also been through 2 “sets” of grandchildren. My siblings kids are all grown up, and now she gets to enjoy mine! Anyway, good luck and I hope you’re ok. Sorry for the long post but I thought it might help to hear it from a long term perspective xxxx

Thank s so much that really helped to hear that x

Hi all, I'm in a similar boat and it's so lovely to read crystal's response, as like the op, I'll have three in school when number 4 arrives.

It might take a while to get your head round it, but hopefully you'll soon start to get excited about having another little one

Hi I have 4. I found the 4th gave me more drive to actually put my life on track work wise I have more determination now than I have ever had . You will be ok work is doable for 30 hours with 4. I went back when 4th was 6mo. It's hard but you can have a 4th and your life. My older 3 adore him too. It's normal to panic upon finding a pregnancy even when I planned some of mine I still went into panic mode.

I found out I was pregnant with DC3 when we'd decided we were done, I was just getting back on my feet employment-wise with the youngest in school etc. The age gap has been great though, DC1 and 2 dote on DC3, are old enough to be helpful and generally things have gone surprisingly smoothly. It has been especially good for DC1, who has Aspergers and isn't a people person, because he adores his sister and looks out for her - she has brought out an empathy that we didn't know was there!

I’ve just had my fifth 4 weeks ago. Others are 16,11,8 and 5 so the age gap is quite good not like when I’ve e had a newborn and a 2 y o 😳
You have to do what’s best for you and your family ultimately it’s a hard decision but honestly I found going from 1 to 2 hardest !

I actually thought going from 3-4 was easier than 2-3! No middle dc and a hand each for you and your dh! Congratulations!!