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Unexpected pregnancy - what would/did you do?

16 replies

FancyFrenchCake · 29/06/2015 19:41

I have found out today I am pregnant. I am very sure that I cant continue the pregnancy, however I have this little niggle I cant get rid of, so I hope its ok to post on here?

I have a few children already, and my Dh & I were sure our family was complete. However this has happened now, and I wonder if anyone can please share if something similar happened to them?

We are in a place that is too small anyway, and have a stretched income too.

I tend to suffer with PND after having my babies and also have severe hyperemesis each pregnancy Sad

I just really would like to hear some other experiences / opinions.

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FoodieMum3 · 01/07/2015 22:01

How are you feeling now, OP? Flowers

Just wanted to say that someone also asked this very question in AIBU yesterday and it got many responses, although I appreciate it's even harder when you already have DC.

My advice would be not to do anything yet. Let it sink in and the shock wear off, then make your decision. Think and talk with your DH. X

Viviennemary · 01/07/2015 22:08

Nobody here can really tell you what to do. I agree with not doing anything yet till you have let it all sink in. Hope things work out for the best.

Original poster
FancyFrenchCake · 01/07/2015 22:24

I wonder if it was the thread I started, that you had read FoodieMum? I posted in AIBU as I was needing advice ASAP!

I know no one can tell me what to do although I really, really wish they could

I rang Marie Stopes yesterday, after having a phone appointment with my DR, who printed referral forms out for me. They are calling me tomorrow for my consultation, and say they will probably book me in for next week.

DH & I are now swaying. However, everything is against it; my HG / PND / bigger car / bigger house / no money.

It's such a hard decision. I feel so stupid and irresponsible for getting into this situation Sad I'm a grown woman FFS.

OP posts:
bippityboppitypoo · 01/07/2015 22:30

I am in the same position only at 32 weeks there is not much going back now.

I'm still scared and worried about everything but the fact that I was not 100% sure I could have an abortion. Made me think I would regret it and now I'm here.

If you want to keep the pregnancy I think things will work out because they just do and if not that's ok too. We all know ourselves and what ever decision you make is the right one for you x

FoodieMum3 · 01/07/2015 22:34

It never dawned on me that you had started that thread Blush

you're not stupid or irresponsible. You sound very responsible, actually. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I think you need time to think it all through.

Original poster
FancyFrenchCake · 02/07/2015 09:32

My SIL called last night to tell us her & her DH are expecting another. I am very happy for them ( they are lovely, have been through a lot & deserve this) I will admit to being worried though - not so much of her pregnancy (we would have had the same timeline) More of how will I feel when my would be due date passes without a baby from us, yet still a newborn in the family.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 02/07/2015 10:40

That will be very hard for you. It seems as if you are having second thoughts. As before please don't rush into a decision. Flowers

JaniceJoplin · 02/07/2015 12:43

I am in a similar situation but decided to keep the baby, although my immediate reaction was that I didn't want it.

In my case, the referral via Marie Stopes was a disaster. It took 2 weeks for them to arrange the procedure then they called me the day before and cancelled it as there was something they were not happy with in my medical history (something that has never ever stopped me from having any operations in the past however, I thought they just didn't want any risk whatsoever). They then said I had to get more tests done at a local hospital which took another 10 days having the tests, getting the results rushed through, going back to GP and then going back to them. By this point I was 8 weeks. They then told me that they were not going to treat me and that I would have to go via the NHS and there was an up to 3 weeks waiting list.

For me, having 2 children already having lived through early scans and got all the weekly emails about baby development, I felt that a termination at 5/6 weeks was very different to that of one at 10/11 weeks. All because of these mindless delays which I felt and my GP agreed with me were complete nonsense. I felt like I had no choice but to keep the baby.

I have told my husband that therefore in order for me to keep my sanity, that I need a house extension, plenty of time to myself before I have the baby and the possibility of getting proper support once the baby is here, either a CM or even a nursery. He has agreed to this. It is very much between a rock and a hard place sadly.

I was completely over the baby stage and loving it. We have got rid of everything - no nappies, no cots, no high chairs, no bottles, no waking up at night. I can't believe we will have to do it all again. If we have to, I just need to make sure we do it my way and that I get all the support I can. I hope I can get excited once I know the baby is fine, after the next scan and maybe when the sex is known. But I swear the baby is never going to a single toddler group with me. If it's a boy, I will call him 'Frank' as in Sinatra - I'll do it my way :)

JaniceJoplin · 02/07/2015 12:48

I was also wondering if the manufacturers of the MAP would like to contribute to the cost of our extension, but I don't think I will get very far....

FoodieMum3 · 05/07/2015 10:56

Just wondering how you're doing, FancyFrenchCake?

LongStory · 05/07/2015 23:06

I have been through this. It was a very difficult decision. Had twins. We're ok financially but at no point is it an easy decision, either way. Sending love and wisdom your way....

FancyFrenchCake1 · 06/07/2015 09:53

I'm ok thank you FoodieMum Smile

I have had my phone consultation, and they have booked me in around 15 days from now. I also have a counselling appointment today (again, via phone)

I'm still very, very unsure. Sad One minute I'm all for one decision, the next minute the other.

FoodieMum3 · 06/07/2015 11:10

That must be incredibly difficult. What does your DH think?

FancyFrenchCake1 · 06/07/2015 11:55

LongStory Can I ask if you had DC already, when you fell pregnant with your twins? How did you come to your decision?

DH is unsure too, for the same reasons. He said he doesn't want me to get this ill again, and is wondering if he will change his mind leading up to our appointment, and ask me not to do this. We both agree that we have to both agree though (if that makes sense)

lexyloub · 07/07/2015 09:33

Hyperemesis aside Can you imagine a year down the line a baby mixed in with the children you've already got? How old are your other dc? Do you have any support from your parents friends or siblings? How many weeks are you now?

Are you suffering with morning sickness already? You've done this before so you know the hell that's coming but you also know that you will get through it.

Money wise you'll manage and make do because you have to. Kids can share rooms and re use toys pass down clothes baby equipment etc. Kids don't need loads of money they need food warmth and bundles of love which I'm sure you already provide in abundance.

Send your dh for the snip whatever you decide. Hugs xx

LongStory · 07/07/2015 22:37

Yes I already had my planned family. I reached my decision by thinking through which I was most comfortable to live with long term. (same as I decided to get married, eg: is it more scary to live with this person for the rest of my life, or to live without them?). Am happy with my choice, but boy it has been full of challenges.

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