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Larger families

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Original poster

Should 3 become 4?

16 replies

hawkmcqueen · 15/05/2015 22:11

Hi there, I realise this is in the same vein as all the other threads but I feel I have the big decision to make - should we try for dc4?? I have ds 6, dd 4 and dd 15 months. I am 37 and dh is 35. We have the space, already have a 7 seater so practically we can.

Having three is so much fun, they were all in the baby's cot earlier having a good laugh together and I love the dynamic.

Would dc4 ruin this and create too much pressure? Would we ever go on holiday again? Will my friends dump me cause we no longer fit with their 2 dc families? If we were presented with an ex pat opportunity/relocation would having 4dc's put future employers off?

What do you reckon???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Suzietwo · 15/05/2015 22:15

That you've already made your decision and are going to crack on!

Original poster

hawkmcqueen · 15/05/2015 22:21

I dunno though Suzie, because I also wonder if we should change our family that is working really well at the minute... I am doing my own head in!

OP posts:

badRoly · 15/05/2015 22:30

We have 4dc.

No3 was a dream and lulled us into a false sense of security . Similar gaps (mine are almost 14, 12, 8 and almost 6). I was 35 dog was 37 when dc4 was born.

We relocated for dh's work (was planned during pregnancy but put on hold for various reasons) when dc4 was 9mths.

Holidays have dropped dramatically but we live in Cornwall so make the most of living here - instead of going away we sign the kids up for sailing/surfing/coasteering type holiday clubs and have bought kayaks. This year we plan to do lots of camping too!

We did take dc1&2 skiing last year and would love to take them all - I've been looking tonight - but costs are prohibitive, especially as dc1 will be doing GCSEs so no skipping off in term time.

As for friends dumping you (), the dynamic does change and I sometimes find it hard to juggle the needs of all the ages BUT dc1, and to a degree dc2, are getting more and more independent so are happy not to be dragged along to the petting farm etc.

I've had much wine so have blurbled on so will stop now...

Original poster

hawkmcqueen · 15/05/2015 22:37

That's so funny badRoly because our dc3 is the dream child out of the 3 of them! If we could clone her we would lol! And I found having 3 easier than having the first two who were only 20 months apart.

Jeez you are not selling it to me here though lol

OP posts:

badRoly · 15/05/2015 22:53

Yup - 21mths then 3.5 yrs then 2.5yrs. 0-1 was great, 1-2 a nightmare, 2-3 a dream, 3-4...

To be fair, there were complications in the pregnancy with dc4, he had congenital heart defects diagnosed at 20weeks pg and I spent the first 6 years months of his life as a neurotic mess!

BUT he is my baby and he made our family complete. There is no way I would be without him and we don't regret ever deciding to 'go for it'. I would much rather have him in our lives than have fancy holidays and the friends that matter stick about!

I didn't mean to put you off though, sorry

Original poster

hawkmcqueen · 15/05/2015 23:00

Gosh I am your clone! Found those same experiences in between them all too! So to make the next gap 2.5 years (like my clone) I would need to conceive around sept time! No you are not putting me off at all! I think you are turning me to a yes vote!

BUT that's my big worry too, about something being wrong (like your ds' heart), I worry more with age and I don't know if I could cope with that level of stress... you must have been beside yourself with worry

OP posts:

badRoly · 15/05/2015 23:02

I was. It was awful, I can't lie. But it was worth it

Original poster

hawkmcqueen · 15/05/2015 23:10

Thank you so much for your replies

OP posts:

Suzietwo · 16/05/2015 07:59

I'm in the same position. I've got 1, 3 and 5 and been given the all clear medically for another (4th section).

I think the decision is made but I am WORRYING so much more about things which just didn't concern me any of the previous times. Mostly medical stuff (how can We possibly get lucky a fourth time?!).

In terms of the changes to our family, I'm not too worried. We made some big changes after the first was born ad more after the third. We moved to the country, I'm self employed so around more but also improved my income, my partner is stay at home father. It's all in place and works. Will another fuck it all up? Maybe but I doubt it. We haven't had a holiday as 5 but are driving to France for 10 days this summer. Reckon we'd manage that with another (7 seater car). We are already lazy about visiting friends but most don't seem to mind coming to us. As a larger family we tend to be better set up for their kids anyway.

Original poster

hawkmcqueen · 16/05/2015 08:09

Ooh I am excited for you Suzie two. I am totally with you about funking it all up and taking such a huge risk with a fourth - it's like Russian roulette. We've played it 3 times already, isn't it about time now for everything to go wrong!? One thing I would do if we did go ahead would be to get the dna blood test at around 10 weeks that tells you if there are any genetic defects etc. Controversial but I would.

I would love to know if you do go for it!

OP posts:

Suzietwo · 16/05/2015 19:29

I don't know much about testing. I'm not against it particularly but probably wouldn't.

I'm starting to think about a newborn and getting a bit excited. Although I'd be more so if number 3 would stfu a bit! A year next week and howling like a baby for the last few days. Teeth I think.

NighteyesLovesGingerbread · 18/05/2015 09:22

I've just found out I'm pregnant with DC4 (EEEK) and am quietly freaking out a small bit!

but our decision was as follows:

3 is an odd number, we often find 2 of the DC playing together and one on their own. the house is much more harmonious when DC1 is at school so there are only 2 home, or when DC1 had a friend over making 4.

the house and the car are big enough to cope.

we have a mix of genders already so no big outlay on clothes.

DH and I are only children so our DC wont have cousins etc so we wanted to give them a good family support network as they grow up.

we have made our peace with holidays being basic and that we will need to host friend here more than go to them as we will not fit in their houses but this is fine.

we ummed and ahhed a lot, DTs are 3 and just getting to the easier stage - no naps, no nappies about to go to pre-school etc and we were worried about going back to the baby stage. to be honest in the end we decided to leave it to fate, we stopped using contraception but I didn't check the cycle dates etc - first month, BFP! guess fate said yes!

I'm scared and nervous and like pp I worry how I can be so lucky again as I have 3 healthy DC, no c/s, no m/c etc although I'm trying not to dwell on it - too late now!!

Suzietwo · 18/05/2015 15:57

good luck nighteys! you see written down by someone else makes me think 'stop being a div you'll be fine' and then remember they are my concerns too!

Original poster

hawkmcqueen · 21/05/2015 19:31

Congrats Nighteyes! Exciting times!!!

OP posts:

NighteyesLovesGingerbread · 22/05/2015 15:55

thanks suzie and hawk I'm currently alternating between and !! I'm sure it will all be fine, just as long as it is only one! I think another set of twins would send me dolally tap!

mummyrumpy1989 · 25/05/2015 01:08

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