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Original poster

Are we crazy re age gap?

41 replies

wibblyjelly · 16/02/2013 18:11

DS is 4 and a half months old. The plan is that when he is a year old, we are going to TTC dc2. Are we crazy?! I've said to DH I'm worried its going to be pure hell (although I am happy to go ahead with the plan, I'm not being forced! ) DH has said that we will support each other, and it will be hard whenever we do it. This way, we get the first couple of years over with, and then it should (fingers crossed) get easier.

Does anyone have any experience of dealing with a newborn, and a toddler potentially under the age of 2? I just keep thinking back to the early days of no sleep with ds, and wonder how youndeal with this, when you have an older child to consider. Tia.

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Herrena · 16/02/2013 18:16

I fell pregnant with ds2 when ds1 was, oh, 4 and a half months old it is a bit manic but manageable!

I absolutely agree with your DH about getting the nappy/vomit/sleep deprivation stage over in as short a period as possible. I look at friends who are thinking of ttc #2 right now and am so glad I don't have to do that again!

Gumps · 16/02/2013 18:16

I have 19 months between my eldest two and its lovely. Hard at first but then ace - best buds and no sibling rivalry as the oldest was too little to remember a time before his bro. They are also into the same things which makes entertaining them much easier. Go for it!

Dirtymistress · 16/02/2013 18:19

I am 36 weeks pg with ds2. Ds 1 is 16 months. I am terrified about how hard it will be. But... This is what we wanted. We started trying for the second a mere week after ds1 was born. There is no right age gap. Just do what feels right for you

tiggyhop · 16/02/2013 18:21

I had 3 under 3 ( all singletons) complete blur till youngest turned 4 brilliant now.

MerryCouthyMows · 16/02/2013 18:26

I had 19 months between DS1 & DS2. I wouldn't do it again. It took me 7 years to have DS3 after that!

I had 4 years between DD and DS1, and I found that was too much of a gap.

So, IMO, the 'perfect' age gap is between 2-3 years.

Original poster

wibblyjelly · 16/02/2013 18:27

Phew, so it sounds like its hard, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure it will work out better in the long run, as we want them to be able to play with each other. All I can do is just deal with it as and when it happens. Thanks for your responses, I feel a bit better about the situation

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llamallama · 16/02/2013 18:27

I'm due in June with DD2, DD1 is 16 months. Fell pregnant first cycle of TTC just after DD1 turned one. I can't wait! We will have 20 months gap. I'm sure first 6 months will be hard but I'm excited about times to come afterwards!

I'm planning on carrying my newborn lots and keeping DD1 entertained with cbeebies! That will work right?

Original poster

wibblyjelly · 16/02/2013 18:29

Merry, we are planning on only having 2, so we aren't planning on doing it again! I bet we end up with twins....

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forevergreek · 16/02/2013 18:29

we have a 14 month gap. hard first few months, then works well. they are into the same things/toys/ bedtime/ friends etc etc

Spookey80 · 16/02/2013 18:30

19months between my 2. I love it and it is hectic, but they are a real pair. But to start with very hard for the older one,,and I have learnt patience along the way,,there are times I wish I had chilled out more,,,but you learn.
We are now deciding whether to try for number three...but I'm worried as dc2 will be 3 when a new baby would arrive,,and think the age gap too big!? ..especially as I don't thnk we would go for/ have four.

Spookey80 · 16/02/2013 18:33

Llama- that is exactly what my top tips would be! Don't feel bad if the older one gets extra cbeebies for a while,,and get a sling.

Mollydoggerson · 16/02/2013 18:38

two words - double buggy.

I had 13.5 months between mine, it was very hard, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I think a 2 year gap should be the minimum.

Original poster

wibblyjelly · 16/02/2013 19:59

Molly, out of curiosity, do you mean 2 years between them, or 2 years before TTC?

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pesta · 16/02/2013 20:25

21 months between mine and ds2 is now 19 weeks, its a race through the day, so much to do just meeting their basic needs and was tough on ds1 to begin with but ds1 loves his brother and vice virsa and ds2 is pure joy , I love it. It's,not hard work really, you just need to be prepared to able to complety focus on them imo. My pregnancy was hard but I figure it will be whatever the age gap.

Thinkingof4 · 16/02/2013 21:46

I have 20 months between ds2 & 3. The first year was a blur but they are great friends. I have 30 months between ds1 & 2 and they are brilliant together too so longer age gaps can work too. Ds3 will be 25months when dc4 arrives in July! So I suppose for me a gap of about 2 years is great

MrsWolowitzerables · 17/02/2013 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beatrixpotty · 17/02/2013 14:02

19 month gap here too and just about to have my 3rd 23 months after DS2.It really wasn't too bad.Sometimes I wish the gap was smaller between the 1st 2.DS1 has changed from being a jealous toddler to really wanting to play with his little brother and often says "why can't DS2 talk?"They have v similar interests toy wise which is a lovely thing about being close in age.

Branleuse · 17/02/2013 14:03

i have 11.5 months between ds2 and dd.

there are good points and bad points

we are all still alive thoiugh

Buddhastic · 17/02/2013 16:55

11months. I wouldn't change it now though. Bit of a shock at the time. I had one in January and one in December same year

dietstartsmonday · 17/02/2013 17:03

I had a newborn, an 11 month and and 2.5 yo. Was hard work but fun. To be honest harder now with all the tern hormones flying about

CrazyOldCatLady · 17/02/2013 19:08

There are 19 months between mine and it's great, I'm glad we did it this way. I'm delighted to be getting all the baby shite over with

3monkeys3 · 19/02/2013 14:45

I had a 13.5 month gap between ds1 and dd and then 22 months between dd and ds2, so 3 under 3! Personally I haven't found it that hard and in sins ways it is easier than bigger gaps because they are at similar ages, can play together, you can keep them entertained with the sand things, etc! The 22 month gap was trickier than the 13 month one tbh - ds1 still had a huge nap when we had dd and I had hours to myself! No such luck now they're 4.5, 3.4 and 18 months, but it is lovely.

3monkeys3 · 19/02/2013 14:45

Some ways, not sins ways!

Lafaminute · 19/02/2013 14:49

I would've died with this sort of age gap and so it was almost 7 years before I had #2. Hands down I would say it's better to have them close in age. I know there are arguments for and against different age gaos but when I look at friends and their kids I think that those close in age are better off. I was much closer to the brother that was 16 months older than me than the one that was 3 years (supposed ideal age gap) younger than me. When they're close in age - as a previous poster said - they can be entertained by the same thing. We find that one parent will take one child and the other will be left looking after the younger one and we don't get to do that much as a foursome!

Original poster

wibblyjelly · 20/02/2013 04:45

Thanks for all the responses. I'm definitely feeling a lot calmer

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