How do you find a mums help? - and is a mums' help what i need?

[Wills]

I'm a stay at home older mum to 4 children from 12yrs to 3. Since the birth of my fourth I have never really regained my health and am plagued by colds and illnesses that last longer than they should. Before Christmas I had bronchitis for 6 weeks with my gp changing antibodies weekly before he found one that worked. I then had 3 weeks clear before falling ill bang on cue on Christmas eve. When I went to the doctor he said that I was suffering from really serious sleep deprivation and given youngests inability to stay in her bed OR even to actually need sleep like a normal 3 year old I would agree with him.

After a lot of discussion my dh has taken a very well paid job in Iraq which entails 6 weeks out there and 2 weeks home. Privately between us mums netters I actually think its easier slightly. Nevertheless he (and my mum who lives 2 hrs away) feel I should get some help in. But I have no idea what kind of help to get. My eldest is aspergic and at a special school my second is typical, my 3rd they can't tell whether he's aspergic or adhd but is incredibly endearing and wouldn't be a problem but my 4th - the 3 year old is the actual reincarnation of Enid Blyton's naughty little sister and though cute to read about is absolutely hell to parent. I don't really need a lot of help during the day, its first thing in the morning and the start of the school run until 8.00 when I've got at least 3 of them into bed. Is a mums help the right option and how do you go about finding such a person?

Assuming full time? Try advertising in the jobcentre?

Is it a live in position?

No, definitely not live in! Actually I'd rather someone came to help first thing and then came back at 2.30.

Well that's not a position I would apply for, unless it was good pay!! What you thinking of offering?

What would attract someone? I agree that its not easy hence why I'm struggling how to put it!

I think it's a very good question, and a gap in the market. Sorry not to be able to help, except to suggest talking to a Nanny Agency. You can get after-school nannies in London.

I wondered if a nursery nurse student would be your answer... do you have any collages near you?

What about a student? Lectures in the day and then helping you after that? Or an older person? You may have to have more than one person.

Would a TA school consider it?

The hours might suit a pre-school member of staff or a TA as suggested above. I have worked with children of various ages and would want it to pay at least £8 per hour. Of course this would depend who you employed ie student or trained professional and exactly what you wanted them to do.

A friend of mine has a long list of local young girls, who she simply phones for ad hoc help as and when she needs it. She finds them great and I believe only pays them about £3 per hour, which they are happy with, as never left in sole charge.

All depends what your budget is really.

Maybe an au-pair would suit you. Don't know if they always live in though.

I had this situation about three years ago and the just was I didn't pay much min wage but they had a manic 1.5 hours in the morning an hours paid break whilst I compiled a list if cleaning ironing etc whilst I painted the hall way, walked the dog went to the gym etc then the school run and all the madness that after school entails. I had the job centre find me a couple of people sraaight from school a few were bone idol, they were never alone with the children and one was brilliant.

I'm currently looking for a mothers help.Having my 3rd in a few weeks and my others are pre-school age so I want help a couple of days a week with laundry and also an extra pair of hands for trips our etc.Having spoken to an agency a mothers help is basically a nanny who does not have sole responsibility for the children but works alongside you most of the time but can do some childcare alone so you can go off & do errands etc or spend time with a baby etc.In your case they could come in the morning and help get everyone up & out the house.I am using an agency called tinies who have branches across the uk,recommended by 2 friends.They have been very helpful and if you ring them and talk it through they will advise you how to go about it.Good luck.

Mother's help sounds exactly like what you need. I had someone from 2-6pm 5 days a week after the twins were born. Take a bit of time to write out the perfect hours and tasks, and then advertise around (I tried gumtree, but also put something in local shop windows which came up trumps). I am a firm believer in paying someone who needs a job, and taking the pressure of overworked mums!

I managed to find one by asking in the playground at school. One of the parents had a niece doing A levels who was looking for work. She used to come after school around 4pm each day and help with tea, homework, bath and general tidying. She was my life saver, and now 14 years later is running a childrens' home!