The prospect of two under two!

[ruthietoothie]

Hi,

I've got a 12 month old and just found out I'm pregnant with no two, meaning that there'll be only a 20 month age gap all things going well!

I'm finding the prospect of two under two quite terrifying, and also worried about taking more time off work so soon after returning after dc1 (though I went back after seven months).

Keep trying to think of all positives but do feel more than a little terrified!

Anyone got any advice or words of wisdomn?!

You will manage, it will be fine, stop worrying, just get some sleep in now.

MiL had four under three at one point she is fine, twitches a little but she survived

It's great when they play together, and if you do stop at 2 DC's you get all of the nappies/bottles etc over and done with in a short space of time.

From a practical point of view 2 in nappies is pretty full on, my youngest two both wear the same size nappy now which makes life easier, I buy a box a week and a stack of wet wipes so I don't have to stress about running out.

Ocardo on demand is a sanity saver along with batch cooking, becoming a non ironer (at least for a while), tins of fried and chopped onions, and a really good sling (google ergo, boba, manduca, tula baby carriers) for times when using a double buggy would be a real pain.

DC2 started walking when I was about 6 or 7 months pg too, so that made life easier as I had to lift him less. Summer pregnancies are also good from the point of view that if you have a garden you can sit in the shade with your feet up while your other child/ren play.

thanks quoteunquote and gulyianreindeer, appreciate the reassurance and advice! I'm already a non-ironer so at least I've got that base covered already.

I think it's the anticipation that is scaring me, and then not feeling able to talk to friends etc about it yet as I'd rather wait till the pregnancy is a bit further on before I start telling people...

Yes, I can imagine the two in nappies thing feels pretty neverending, and I'll need to look into double buggies at some point. Loved my sling with no one (got a connecta), so can see that coming in handy again.

Eek, I'm sure it'll work out ok - at least I very much hope so (and sitting in sun while my daughter plays sounds great!!)

thank you!

We're considering trying for DC2, which would give us about the same age gap, good to hear the positive stories

I had 2 under 1 (and then 5 under 5!) and the first year was the hardest, but by the time my oldest was 20 months it was a lot easier due to walking really well (some not all) and feeding themselves. You'll be fine, 20 months isn't that small an age gap really, just right I'd say.

Golly, fluffy girl five under five - now there's a challenge. Great to hear that you think 20 months sounds a good age gap

It will be fine, please don't worry.I had just under 19months between my first 2.They are now 3 and 20months and I'm expecting my 3rd in 13 weeks.Had some jealousy issues when DC2 was born and looking back my older one was still just a baby himself but we all survived.Now they can both communicate they play together well, there is a bit of one-sided fighting but they laugh a lot too and I wouldn't change it.They share a bedroom and keep each other company.A small gap has worked well for our family.

Is 2 children really a "larger family" these days?

I've got a 22 month old and a 7 week old, so far its been tough on some days and easy on others. I've only used the double buggy twice, like most new babies DD hates to be put down so I use the sling a lot. I always said I'd prepare for the first year to be awful so anything better would be a bonus but it's hard if not impossible to imagine the day to day until you're actually in the thick of it. A few things I would advise 1) consider getting a doll to get DC1 used to being gentle, 2) nearer the time start talking about babies a lot, children of this age understand a lot more than you realise I think, I especially emphasised that babies eat a lot of milk (ie you'll have to share it) 3) no matter how much you suffer during this pregnancy (if you do) try not to wish it away.. It's a short time really but your LO will change and grow so much, and probably astound you with how well he or she adapts. Feel free to PM if you've any specific questions (my areas of expertise include nursing aversion d tandem feeding if you're breastfeeding) but obviously I'm still learning the ropes myself at the moment. One thing I can say with absolute confidence though is that you won't regret it, seeing DS stroke DD's head or hold her hand males all the difficult stuff just melt away. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy

Sam - just what I was thinking!?!

Sorry if I started this thread in wrong place! Just didn't seem an obtbvious other place for it! And, strictly speaking, four is larger than three (family wise ;)

Nice cup of tea... And Beatrix thanks for the advice and reassurance. The pregnancy is still in such early stages I'm just hoping now that everything pans out ok.

Congrats nice cup.. On your recent arrival. The tips sound great. I can imagine that gentleness and jealousy are key issues. Thanks too for offer of more advice. Really appreciate it!

Ps Beatrix... Good luck with remainder of your pregnancy. Hope you're not too worn out and manage to put your feet up, at least occasionally!

It's hard, there's no denying it. But the trade off in later years is how close they are. Ds2 is 21 months older than my dts, he just turned 6, they're 4, and they are all so matey and when we go out its easy to find stuff for all of them to do. But the first year, I think you just have to lower your expectations of anything a lot, accept any help ever and look for the glimmers of happiness.

20mths is a brilliant age gap. Our twins were 20mths when dc4 arrived (dc1 was just 5)

You will be fine. I had 4 under 3. My twins were born when DS1 was 14 months and I had my 4th when the twins were 20 months. It's really hard work in the first year but you will do it. My best advice would be: Be as organised as you can. I don't mean have an immaculate house but try to keep on top of washing and have places for stuff....... It saves running around trying to nappy cream etc when a baby needs a feed. And also my most important advice would be to ignore other people's negative comments 'Rather you than me' etc.
It all goes so quickly. Mine are all the best of friends now and I've never had to deal with the jealously issues that can sometimes happen with a bigger gap. Good luck x

Deep breaths now OP, you will be fine.

I had 3 under 3 and actually quite enjoyed it (to my surprise I was better with more children than less )

Don't overly stress about 2 in nappies, I had 2 in nappies for 3 years and would say it wasn't that bad - I used to do them in tandem. Once you've set up the mat, it's not much longer to change 2 bottoms v 1 bottom.

My top tip would be don't go up and down stairs any more than you have to. So in the mornings we got dressed then went down for breakfast then had spare toothbrushes to do teeth in the kitchen, for example. For the same reason have a spare changing mat and full kit downstairs too (if you don't already)

Oh and get a decent double buggy. You can always sell it afterwards and crap ones are useless - you need to feel confident about going out.

Now they are older the small age gaps are just fabulous too.

Thanks, all, these tips and advice are really helpful, and the positive comments are making me feel so much better than things. I'm certainly anticipating some negative comments (Mrs Zebra), most of the people I know have waited at least three years between children and I expect people will suggest I'm biting off more than I can chew.

Also, expect that people at work will find the situation a bit hard to understand.

Anyhow, I'm still only six weeks or so pregnant so probably shouldn't count my chickens as all my not go according to plan (crosses fingers it all does though)

thanks again for the advice and support peeps x

ruthie it wasn't planned that way! My husband was a single full time dad when I met him, my two were 2 and 3, his two boys were 1 and 2, they moved in after 6 months then we had our DD together a year later. So I 'acquired' children along the way!

Have a box of activities that your oldest can do on their own, keep these toys and activities for the times you feel you need a bit of a break, that way they stay novel and interesting. My daughter is 21 months now and loves stickers. She has a book to put them in but they peel off furniture easily if she decides to put them elsewhere.

Give your oldest little jobs to help you with the baby ie rock the pram while you cook tea or fetch a clean nappy.

9 months gives a lot of time for your oldest to grow up and become more independant. Its really hard to grasp just how much differrence that will make.

Oldest might be potty trained if you're lucky, so you won't necessarily have 2 in nappies.

My oldest 3 are 23 months apart and my youngest 2 will be 22/23 months apart and the age gap was lovely. They have all grown up really close.

You'll be fine, honest.

I love my 20 month age gap now, but I won't lie and say it was easy in the early months! Still- so worth it. We're aiming for another gap of about two years now :-) 2 under 2 isn't as bad as it sounds! (3 under 4, on the other hand?!)

Thanks NAR4 and blackhorse, all reassuring helps!

As it all starts to sink in feeling much more positive and just hoping all goes well with this pregnancy (fingers crossed)

You'll be fine, just stay calm.

I have 16 mo twins and think I'm pg with 4dc - will be due before dtds are 2 if I am. I think more children are easier than one sometimes as they entertain each other.... this is what I'm telling myself. My dd1 was going to be an only child!

Congrats princess! Best of luck with your pregnancy, I'm sure you're right on more being easier ;-) (at least I hope so )