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Original poster

Having four children

15 replies

annieapple7 · 08/02/2011 10:52

Hi everyone
I have 3 children, DS 9, DS 7 and DD 4. I have always felt there was a bit of a gap as 3 is an odd number and I don't feel quite "done". But the thought of sleepless nights is horrid with a newborn and I find children need more attention as they get older, even if they are less "work" in other ways. Not to mention cost, size of house, work and so on. I just wondered if mums of 4 could tell me why they went for it, or is it normal to long for another baby, however many you have?

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juuule · 08/02/2011 10:56

Someone with 1 child might ask you why you went for nos 2 and 3. What would you say to them?:)

Original poster

annieapple7 · 08/02/2011 11:05

Hi Juuule
It was a heart not a head decision both times, a longing. Like a desire I couldn't resist. This time the longing is tempered with practicality though - 3 in school now - is it just because I don't have a toddler at home anymore? The first time in 9 years!

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nipplesofthenorth · 08/02/2011 11:09

We had no 4 by accident (I was having the contraceptive injection but it didn't work!) I was happy to have another one anyway, but DH was not! We're just getting to the stage where we feel like we can have some time to ourselves again (the youngest is 7, the eldest nearly 14).

juuule · 08/02/2011 11:11

Ahh, that longing feeling. I think for some people it just doesn't get tempered by the practicality thing. 'Just one more' gets the upper hand.

It could be that it's just that you are missing a baby/toddler around the house. Why not give it 12m and see how you feel about things then. It could be that you get more involved with the older children's schools, activities or whatever. Maybe some work outside the home that you enjoy. Life is different once the youngest isn't a toddler anymore but that can be a good thing.

vicbar · 08/02/2011 11:19

I have 4 and all were planned DD 6, DS 4, DD 3 and DD 6mths.
I always wanted 4 and after I had DC3 I definatley didnt feel done it was always a 'when' we have no 4 not if.

Im one of 5 and DH is one of 3, he always said 3 would be enough but when we got there he felt the same (luckily).

After having no 4 I do feel more complete in the sense that Im really enjoying her and each little milestone again without thinking about the next one (god that make me sound like I just popped the others out to get to 4 - honest it wasnt like that) Im looking forward to what each of them will do next, Im over the baby phase.

We have a 4 bed house 2 of the girls share but we do have a kids lounge downstairs that if push came to shove we'd convert to a bedroom if they hate sharing as they get older.

With work Im very fortunate that I work 3 days a week and DH is a firefighter so can do childcare on days off and inbetween nights. We dont have any family nearby but my MIL will travel to us once a month to have the kids when our shifts clash and other than that we use leave.

I think we have a happy life we go camping for our holidays, do a lot of walking and free outdoorsy things. We have family days out to a theme park/farm etc for birthdays and I only spend £30 each for main bday pressie and £50 each at xmas. I was a very spoilt child and this taught me that things dont make you happy, having a family is as expensive as you make it.

The food bill is ridiculous though as mine a re all massive eaters and I refuse to feed them crap but fruit and veg is getting very expensive.

Hope this helps.x

Original poster

annieapple7 · 08/02/2011 12:02

Yes thanks Vicbar and Juule it does. I run my own business from home and it would certainly be more difficult to do that with another one. I suppose I can't be clear about my reasons but can anyone? I suppose I want to know that is is normal to feel a bit broody but perhaps you don't always have to act on it. But then will I regret it later and it will be too late?

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LizinFrance · 08/02/2011 12:37

Hi annieapple,

I had quite an age gap in between ds2 and ds 3 (6 years), so we went for no 4 to 'even things up'. As soon as she was born, it felt 'complete' It is hard work, and I often feel 'guilty' that I'm not spending enough time with each of them - but when I take a step back I can see that we are doing OK. We life in France so havent got any family around to help out. We weren't sure whether to go for no 4, but am soooo glad we did. Go with what your heart tells you.

good luck x

Original poster

annieapple7 · 08/02/2011 14:16

Thanks LizinFrance
What age gaps do you have? What was the first year with 4 like?
I don't suppose anyone ever regrets having another child do they? Even if they are busier/poorer/stressed! But i do hear women say they would have liked to have had another....and on the bright side the children do ask if we can have another baby - so at least they are keen!

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juuule · 08/02/2011 21:04

Hmmm, but would anyone ever admit to regretting having had another child?
And it's always easy for someone to say they would have liked another child.

Oh dear, I seem to be in a bit of a downbeat mood on this thread.
Anyway, if you really feel inclined to go for no.4 then whatever anyone says won't put you off. It never put me off:o

Original poster

annieapple7 · 09/02/2011 14:32

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Mama5isalive · 09/02/2011 19:13

annieapple7

your not alone with these feelings lolxxx
i have 3bc and 2 ds(sgo) my ds1 and now i am thinking it woulnt be so bad for another why not, am so very blessed have a great DH and am in the way of "thinking what will be so, is so!" i have 4 close friends all in early stages 6/9 weeks pregnant so maybe thats why but, i dontoff load my dc on anyone we have family days and have a 7 seater car but a small 3bed house! my plans of moving right now seem to fall apart but it will happen i have faith it will!

all the best to you whatever you decide - u never know some time soon maybe on another thread!

mumof2girls2boys · 14/02/2011 15:16

we have 4 gbbg (10,8,6,3) and we love them to bits, its hard work but worth it. Must admit DD2 is very hard work, she is a handful when being good. :)

I would say the reason we had 4 was as with 3 one was always left out. Now there is just chaos, hectic schedules and a whole lot of fun. Must admit my food bill would make most people shudder, but when they are all at school/nursery I think how quiet the house is. Only downside is that now as DC4 starts school in September I am finally looking for a job which is hard as I haven't worked in 10 years and the field I worked in was so specific I won't get back into it now

I say do what your heart wants, 4 is fun

PermaShattered · 14/02/2011 20:55

I'm expecting my 4th in 5 weeks. I ummed and aaaagh about going for a 4th (although there was never any doubt in my husband's mind!)

But it always boiled down to one thing: I knew I'd regret it forever if we didn't at least try........... And I didn't want to live with that regret- and now i won't have to!

Original poster

annieapple7 · 14/02/2011 22:24

Congratulations PermaShattered - impressed by your DH - not sure my DH would be so thrilled, haven't actually had this conversation with him yet........think I will extend my house first so we will have 5 bedrooms and another bathroom and then there's one less reason to go for it!

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PermaShattered · 15/02/2011 08:28

annie - we have 3 bedrooms right now but will get an en suite loft convertion sorted hopefully this summer! It's tight on space but that's not an insurmountable problem....!

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