Inheritance

[FlipFlops4Me]

My MIL has just died and DS and I are the executors of her estate. The estate goes 50:50 to DH and DS (our only child). There will be about £85k cash and the proceeds of sale of a nice semi-det bungalow with gardens, garage etc.

DS and DIL very much want to let the property. We don't. DH and I had always said that we would use our share of the estate to bring our own house fully up to spec (will cost a good £65k) and to have a nice cushion. We are retired, DH is housebound and I am his carer. DS says we can have some of his share of the cash to put towards house repairs so that they get done anyway.

However DH pointed out to me, quite rightly, that if we let the house then he will get share of rent but he doesn't have a great life expectancy so realistically he will not exactly get the benefit of the investment. I see his point of view totally.

DS says he doesn't want a lump sum sitting in the bank when he could have a share of an investment property. I feel he's being selfish but I see where he's coming from.

If it comes to it, can I force a sale. The will states the assets should be sold and funds distributed but reserves power to delay sale if the executors wish. One does wish, one doesn't!

Anyone got any advice? I don't want to fall out with my DS over money but DH and I had so counted on this money to make our old age more comfortable.

I am so sorry you are in this situation.
I agree with pp that your DH should have his share to do with as he wishes.
Sell the bungalow, split everything 50:50.
DS can then get a BTL mortgage on a property of his choice using his share of the inheritance.

Totally unnecessary.

His behaviour has shown he's only interested in his own wants.

It's nothing about 'good business' - he doesn't need to be helped to see being a landlord these days isn't as easy as people think it is.

He needs to be shown how to do respect, grace and gratitude, but that isn't ops job either now he's a grown man!

He's behaved appallingly. I'd be happy to cut him out of my will if he was my son. Trying to make his father suffer his last few years without a stairlift or a walk-in shower, just so he gets to play landlord with your money when he could easily afford it own his own! Honestly I'm struggling to understand how anyone could treat their parents like that, I don't even like mine that much, but I would never ever treat them with the contempt he has shown you.

I’m so sorry, OP, what selfish behavior. ☹️ As you say, it’s amazing that your DS will be getting an inheritance in his 30’s, most people don’t. It’ll give him a substantial leg up in life. He’s being very greedy and I hope he comes to his senses and realizes this.

I’ll be honest - I see where this is going … it sounds like they want the house for themselves, know they can’t afford to buy you out but don’t want you to sell it so…….if they rent it for a bit (tenants don’t work out) they can just move in and pay you half rent …… otherwise why not buy a flat with the 180k to rent out (much easier to rent out rather than a bungalow with grounds to maintain etc) because they don’t want to live in a flat …..

Well we have agreed to sell it and split the money. He was upset but now understands my reasoning (and I think a couple of his mates were extremely honest about how selfish he was being).

We've almost recovered our previously good relationship. The fly in the ointment is his partner who is ghosting me. (Apparently she would have managed the property). But, my son and I are OK, he understands that I am deeply protective of my husband because he's incapable of looking after himself at all.

I think my saying a firm no shocked him silly but there's nothing he can do about it so he's accepted it. That's good enough for me.

That’s a good outcome, OP. Quite frankly, this is none of your DIL’s business and she sounds very selfish. She’s obviously not bothered about your DH’s well-being and how the money will improve his life.

I wonder how this will impact their relationship, now that your DS realizes that his wife doesn’t give a fig about his parents? My DH fully supports my caring for my elderly Dad (which costs me money) and I’ll support him if he ever needs to do the same.

I think the son has also shown he doesn't care a fig for his parents, and I suspect he's back toeing the line as he's playing the long game. I'm so sorry OP, this must be horrendously stressful. Well done on standing firm.

She's not even his bloody wife! What's it got to do with her? He should see that as a massive red flag.

I’m pleased to hear that you and your sone have come to an agreement, but what a shame it had to happen in the first place. Good that his friends called him out on his behaviour, and he listened to them. I hope you and your husband have a long and comfortable life with the improvements and added security that your husband’s share of the money can buy you. ‘D’IL can please herself what she does or does not do, it appears she will be no loss to you or your DH. 💐

OP thanks for updating the thread. It’s a relatively good outcome considering the situation you were in, but it must have been a sad and stressful time for your husband and you.
His partner sounds like the abusive and manipulative husbands you read about on so many MN threads, maybe there is hope he will see through it one day?
Good on his friends if they helped by telling him a few home truths.

Well done for holding your position, OP.

Apart from anything else, your DH would have been subject to CGT on sale of the bungalow had it been let out.

It is our DIL who is being unreasonable for blanking you. You and your DH have behaved 100% reasonably, given the terms of the will, and your DS, and in turn his DW, should be very grateful and appreciative that a generation was skipped for half the estate.

Just found this update.
So pleased for you and your dh.
I hope by now you're got lots of plans for your restorations.

This was so sad to read, even with the update. Good luck with the sale, op, and I hope you can repair this relationship. I would be pretty devastated.

You are a very generous mum to forgive your son this.
Hopefully it was just a moment of utter selfish madness (I struggling to believe this but maybe you are a better person than I am).

Wishing you and your DH many more years together in comfort.

Here we are a year on and things are good. My son and his gf split up six months ago and almost instantly he was back to the way he always had been - loving, friendly, helpful and totally non-judgmental about how we are spending the inheritance. We have a stairlift, a disability shower and everything the therapists thought might help.

Honestly the difference in him is unbelievable - he talks a lot again, tells us how he's getting on and what he's doing. He tells me life is so much calmer now he's alone (with his dog!); no arguments, no sulking, no shouting - it's changed him back to who he was.

Thank you so much for the update @FlipFlops4Me . It's so nice to have an ending- and such a happy one at that.

I'm so glad you have "your" DS back, and hopefully in the future he will meet a kind and loving DP now he is no longer with that unpleasant lady.

I did not read your original post when you posted, I am glad you stood your ground and I’m very pleased to hear your life and that of your husbands has been made more comfortable with the adaptations.

Have a lovely Christmas and a Peaceful New Year.

What a lovely update and thank you for coming black with one. .
I hope your dh is as well as he can be.

Money does very odd things to people.

This. The correct thing for executors to do is to settle any outstanding debts, pay funeral costs, sell property unless BOTH of the people inheriting want to let it out, split the estate in proportion stated in the will. If your DS wants to invest that is entirely up to him but he can't use your DH share of inheritance to do so. He can afford to buy a btl house with 3 bedrooms he could let out in several areas of the country.

@FlipFlops4Me thank you for updating. I remember being shocked at the time by your posts.
I am so pleased you and your son’s relationship is back to normal.

Sadly some people like your sons exGF are so focused on the £££ they forget their moral compass. He sounds well rid of her.

I hope you and your DH continue to enjoy your modernised home for a long time.

You can force a sale. You only keep the property if everyone agrees. Totally agree with you & DH. It wouldn't work for you to be landlords. It's really hard these days & you & DH need the £ rather than hassle.

Plus DS, with the best will in the world, needs to own his own home before being a landlord. Surely selling the property gives him a much better chance of achieving that.

Make your house comfortable not just for DH but also for you for later when (sad to say) you may find yourself living by yourself. You really don't want to be saddled with a rental property needing work/attention and being on your own/relying on DS for help.

Wishing you and DH all the best xx

So heartwarming that this has been sorted out the way you wanted and so happy for you all that the grabby GF is out of the picture! Best wishes to you

there Are multiple tax implications for you

1. If you receive the money as a lump sum form sale, you will over time be able to use both yours and DH tax allowances (£20k each) for ISA s to invest the money in tax protection wrapper. You can even both put £40k each in premium bonds while waiting for your £20k ISA allowance each year. This will produce income protected from tax. If you invest and it has capital growth it will also be protected from tax in an ISA . You can choose to draw out whatever sums you want/need each year to pay for stuff as and when you want or need. Get good financial advice about where to invest and how to utilise your tax allowances.
2. If you rent your income is limited to a set amount each month, and in some months less than that due to maintenance work needed. You WILL pay income tax on that. No way to protect unless you are NIL rate tax band. and you’ll be completing self assessment forms each year
3. if you rent at all, and then decide to sell you will pay capitals gains on any growth in value form point it was valued for probate. You can’t protect against that capital gains, and the allowances have just massively reduced this year, and set to reduce agian next year to just £3k. Property is subject to higher levels of capital gains . Again you can’t put that capital as a home owner into an ISA to protect it form tax.
4. rental income needs to be balanced with running costs. Does the property need to be refurbished? If so that will come out of capital and then be “paid back” to replace capital over time. In my exh case he didn’t turn a profit for 5 years after costs. It is likely you’ll need to spend 10-12% on a property manager unless son is doing it, but it is a massive burden to try to do it yourselves. It takes huge amount of time. If you have a bad tenant it is a part time job in itself. You then have regular costs like registering as landlord, gas safety certs, redecorating after tenants etc. this is where tax returns also can get complicated and time consuming.
5. rules around tenancy agreements have already, and are continuing, to change to give tenants more rights. Whilst this is right thing to do as a society, it means you can’t simply serve notice on a tennant to leave easily anymore becuase you want to sell etc. it’s much harder and you’re most likely to have to wait until tenant leaves of their own volition

people sadly see renting properties as a desirable “hobby” and easy way to make money. It isn’t. It is a pain in backside. Renters can cause huge trouble and worry and anxiety. Sure, you get some that are fantastic but it is pure chance whether you get one of those or some idiots who treats the house labels and causes untold damage like mold. You never yield the money you think. It has massive tax implications. It stops you being able to use your capital when you want as it is tied into a house that you can only sell when your tenant gives notice.

DS wants to do that? Well he can do that on his own with his own money once the inheritance comes through. The fact he says he can’t do without you being involved, says he can’t afford to on his own, and he’s emotionally blackmailing you into subsidising his adventure. Just nope. Not at your time of life with a dh in that situation. Ds is incredibly greedy and selfish here.

Glad to hear your situation has resolved well, thanks for updating.

🙄bloody zombie thread.