Inheritance

[FlipFlops4Me]

My MIL has just died and DS and I are the executors of her estate. The estate goes 50:50 to DH and DS (our only child). There will be about £85k cash and the proceeds of sale of a nice semi-det bungalow with gardens, garage etc.

DS and DIL very much want to let the property. We don't. DH and I had always said that we would use our share of the estate to bring our own house fully up to spec (will cost a good £65k) and to have a nice cushion. We are retired, DH is housebound and I am his carer. DS says we can have some of his share of the cash to put towards house repairs so that they get done anyway.

However DH pointed out to me, quite rightly, that if we let the house then he will get share of rent but he doesn't have a great life expectancy so realistically he will not exactly get the benefit of the investment. I see his point of view totally.

DS says he doesn't want a lump sum sitting in the bank when he could have a share of an investment property. I feel he's being selfish but I see where he's coming from.

If it comes to it, can I force a sale. The will states the assets should be sold and funds distributed but reserves power to delay sale if the executors wish. One does wish, one doesn't!

Anyone got any advice? I don't want to fall out with my DS over money but DH and I had so counted on this money to make our old age more comfortable.

This is really shocking. His behaviour is appalling. He is inheriting half of his grandparents' money and your husband, their only child, is receiving the other half. Yet when you to die he will inherit everything from you as well.

As for your daughter-in-law, it's nothing to do with her. What she wants shouldn't be taken into account.

I will play hardball with your son now. He's been incredibly rude. Let him come to you and apologise, don't agree it was both of your faults.

Well, I've not heard from him and don't think I will. I have blocked my DIL on my phone because her face was so incredibly angry as they left. I feel bullied - and by my own son in my own home. I will not be reaching out to him. As is frequently said on MN, if someone shows you who they are - believe them.

But I'm so very sad. I've been so deluded for so long. He genuinely sounded as if he totally dislikes me and has no respect for me whatsoever. Whatever I thought he was, he isn't, and I don't particularly want to welcome a vicious bully back into my home.

@FlipFlops4Me oh how incredibly sad, I've just caught up with your updates.

Your poor MIL thinking she was sharing her estate with those she loved best.
It's hard to imagine someone acting quite so horribly in those circumstances. I wonder if your DS has gambling debts or similar and is desperate for quick money.

Well no, he doesn't want the cash. He wants us not to sell my MIL's house so that it accumulates value, and to let it out. The thing is, we need our share of the house value to go towards our own house repairs and then to invest for a steady income ready for power bills etc. We are too old to want a long term investment; my DH wouldn't get the value in his lifetime.

We want to bring our own home fully up to spec, including a stair lift for my DH, a walk in shower, new roof etc and then have money so that we can have life's comforts.

I feel so hurt that he isn't pleased for us! And for himself - if you'd handed me £180k odd in my early 30's I'd have bitten your hand off and been delighted.

@FlipFlops4Me I really feel for you and your DH. Sadly inheritance and money can make people act completely out of character. I agree that kind of money in your 30s shouldn’t be seen as not enough as it’s a great deposit for a home.

You are not doing anything wrong, as an executor you need to follow the will and do your best for both beneficiaries.

The will stated to sell the house, which is what you are planning to do. This is following your MIL wishes, and is definitely in the best interests of your DH but also for your DS, even if he doesn’t realise it. Being a landlord is not a get quick option there is a lot of responsibilities and hidden costs.

As pp have said I think your DS will struggle to buy out your share e.g. getting a buy to let mortgage. I also think he may be unprepared for the true cost of being a landlord.

I know this may delay things but let the dust settle and then talk to your DS again. Reiterate your MILs will shares the estate 50:50 and your DH is entitled to his 50% to make his life as comfortable as possible. Make it clear this is non-negotiable as your DS does not have the right to dictate what DH does with his inheritance.

Point out that if your DH (or you) need care in the future the LA would see the property as an asset to be sold to fund care.

Then set your DS a task. If the house is c£285 (get 3 current valuations) and c£85 in cash your DH is due to inherit c£185. As there is c£85 in cash DS could give this all to DH and would then only have to raise c£100k to buy your DH out of the property.

Tell your DS to get an offer in principle for a c£100k buy to let mortgage. Ask him to also produce a fully costed plan for letting out the property including cost of getting it ready to let, maintenance, advertising, legal requirements, empty periods between let’s, tax, insurance, CGT etc. He also needs to think through the unthinkable e.g. what happens if he or his DW become injured, disabled or die. Then you will talk again.

I suspect once your DS actually starts to look at buy to let mortgages and the costs of renting the property out he may realise it’s not as easy or lucrative as he thinks.

Give DS a timeline to do all this e.g. property goes on the market 1st January 2023, it will focus his mind.

In the meantime get quotes for the work to be done on your home and also find an Estate agent. It will take time to realise the cash from the property so getting an idea of the cost means you are able to move quickly.

It all sounds very callous. There are some things more important than a good investment or profit. I can't believe he has allowed his girlfriend to be involved also. It's none of her business, how dare she come into your home and get angry with you over this.

It's really hard to understand where he is coming from with this, especially given his behaviour towards you. He could easily invest in another property with the chunk of money he is getting, there is no real loss to him, and he has gained substantially.

Please just focus on yourself and your husband - you may need to engage a solicitor to deal with the estate, as both your and your son are executors, and he decide not to engage with you now as a punishment - don't be surprised if he tries to stall or block the sale. He has shown you where his priorities are.

*he may decide

I have engaged a solicitor to deal with the Probate and she tells me that the Will actually appoints DH and I, with DS in reserve but it had been assumed that DH lacked capacity. In fact he does understand and has definite wishes, and although he can't exactly write he can make a mark on paper in the presence of the solicitor. I think this stymies DS. I have arranged for the solicitor to come and meet with us so that she can gauge DH's capacity for herself. I think he understands fine; his problems start when he has to do something physical.

So I think we're going to be OK, but we may well have lost DS. And over money! It's so desperately sad. He is after all going to get £180k but wanted our money left in the property to benefit him further in the long run.

I feel for you I really do. I think he was hoping it would stay as is so he could inherit a nice little property in full down the line.

Please live long, happy, luxurious lives and leave only a penny to the spoilt brat!

If DS wants the property as a rental investment he and DIL could buy out his father's share and become sole owners.

Then you get your cash and they get what they want. If they can't afford to buy out DH it should be sold as per the will.

Then they can use all DS inheritance to buy a BTL property.

That is very sad and outrageous behaviour from your DS, too. No way to treat your parents in their later years with health problems - that is exactly the time when you need to step up, not shout foul-mouthed abuse at them!

I hope from here in all goes smoothly and you are able to make a lovely home for you and your DH. If DS and DIL never see it, so be it. I'd be tempted to leave it all to be split behind stroke and epilepsy charities, or whatever appeals to you and DH.

God this is awful. Money does horrendous things to some people I'm so sorry your son is being so horrible, OP.

It makes far more sense to sell the house & if he then wants a BTL he can get a different one.

Ask him to also produce a fully costed plan for letting out the property including cost of getting it ready to let, maintenance, advertising, legal requirements, empty periods between let’s, tax, insurance, CGT etc.

Exactly, I don't he has thought this through.

This is really sad. In the same position I would do what my parents preferred. If o let it had been left outright to to your DH would have avoided this nonsense.

I thought this from the first post. I thought the son might think he just has to wait out two ill parents and then get it all. His reaction is deeply unpleasant.

I'm so sorry that this has happened. I hope that you and dh enjoy getting your home right for the next phase of life and peace of mind in having some funds tucked away. Surely that would be what your parents in law would want. Good on you for standing up for that. And shame on your son.

Your son is behaving appalling. He should think himself lucky that he is getting anything. Most people leave the bulk of their estate to the next generation and only token gifts to grandchildren and other relatives.

My grandparents split their estate equally between their two children and me, the only grandchild. I felt incredibly awkward, particularly as my uncle wasn't very well off and I was pretty comfortable. However, it was very clearly my grandparents' joint wishes to do it that way, and it was their estate so everyone respected that. It was a big surprise to me though. I had assumed everything would go to my mum and my uncle.

I'm so sorry OP. This is so very distressing.

You're right to do the house and do it now. We just finished a programme of works for my aging ex DP. Walk in shower, ground floor flat, decent heating. My mother refused to do this to her home and as a result things were very difficult. (No downstairs bathroom, old boiler/poor heating, poor security, heavy doors, unruly garden...). She had falls and she really suffered. It was so difficult.

You need to be comfortable and free from the worry of leaking roofs and high heating bills.

Just seen your update, As DS is reserve executor it will make it easier for you and DH as you are the executors. You don’t need DS’ approval or consent to sell the property.

So it's gone from 'we're not shouty people' to I don't want that vicious bully ' in my house.
This is so sad.
Take a breathe OP.
sleep on it again
And see what tomorrow brings.
I agree with your plan to sell and bring your house up to scratch by the way.
I'm sure your sons understands on some level.
However this attitude seems odd.
Is he in money trouble?
Is his wife putting pressure on him?

Hopefully things will become more clear in days to come.

Yes, it's extremely sad. My DH is now frightened in case DS comes round (he still has a key) when I have nipped to the shops and has asked me to get the lock changed. DS hasn't money troubles; he just wanted DH to use his inheritance for DS's long term advantage rather than our own short term selfish needs.

We talked a length with my DSis this morning and the three of us now think that the poster who said he was hoping to end up with both properties was right.

I am sad but most of all I am very, very angry that he has frightened DH to this extent.

I do think that because of your situation - your husband's health problems and you being his carer - your son thought that you were in a more vulnerable position and therefore easier to manipulate or bully to get what he wants.

I say that as someone who is currently helping care for my elderly father who has dementia, it's exhausting emotionally and physically. Dealing with everything else in life is just that much harder.

I really do feel so sad for you about this OP. When my relative was vulnerable and ill, the last thing I would have wanted to do was anything where it could be construed I was trying to bully them or put my needs above theirs. I just can't understand your son.

With a good broker recent self employment- in itself - won’t stop him getting a buy to let mortgage to buy you out